Ian Miles Schlong
@tedcruznipples.com
Area man, unfortunately
Bluesky’s #1 Ken Bone hater
in Los Angeles
he/him
Bluesky’s #1 Ken Bone hater
in Los Angeles
he/him
Pinned
Ian Miles Schlong
@tedcruznipples.com
· Jan 24
Everything is the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen
“The jury has found you guilty of being a redneck whitebread chickenshit motherfucker”
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 8:06 AM
“The jury has found you guilty of being a redneck whitebread chickenshit motherfucker”
Wow he really gets off message here. This post ends up really not being much about Christmas at all
When your Christmas greeting is actually a confession…
December 26, 2025 at 12:41 AM
Wow he really gets off message here. This post ends up really not being much about Christmas at all
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
I feel devalued. That bastard
December 25, 2025 at 11:30 PM
I feel devalued. That bastard
Him wishing Merry Christmas to the dead terrorists kind of makes it feel less special that he wished the same to us Radical Left Scum. I thought we had something.
December 25, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Him wishing Merry Christmas to the dead terrorists kind of makes it feel less special that he wished the same to us Radical Left Scum. I thought we had something.
Brilliant
Go full bluesky and talk about how unsustainable cork is as a symptom of the hegemony of old world tradition in modern wine making
December 25, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Brilliant
Got a bottle of wine to bring to this Christmas party but didn’t realize it has a twist off cap which makes it seem like it’s a cheaper bottle than it actually is. I’m doomed.
December 25, 2025 at 9:53 PM
Got a bottle of wine to bring to this Christmas party but didn’t realize it has a twist off cap which makes it seem like it’s a cheaper bottle than it actually is. I’m doomed.
Seeing the Netflix logo seared into the side of a tomahawk steak filled me with a type of existential dread I haven’t felt in quite some time
December 25, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Seeing the Netflix logo seared into the side of a tomahawk steak filled me with a type of existential dread I haven’t felt in quite some time
They look way too happy. You guys should be bearing more of an emotional brunt for all that’s going on. Merry Christmas though.
From our family to yours, merry Christmas! We hope your day is filled with good people and good food.
December 25, 2025 at 8:40 PM
They look way too happy. You guys should be bearing more of an emotional brunt for all that’s going on. Merry Christmas though.
No disrespect but “Opinion: Rob Reiner was my friend” is a very funny headline
I've seen this going around today and it's beautiful, so here's a gift link.
Opinion | Martin Scorsese: ‘Rob Reiner Was My Friend’
www.nytimes.com
December 25, 2025 at 8:04 PM
No disrespect but “Opinion: Rob Reiner was my friend” is a very funny headline
They played the Kanye nazi march song at the Oklahoma City game on Christmas. Brutal.
December 25, 2025 at 7:59 PM
They played the Kanye nazi march song at the Oklahoma City game on Christmas. Brutal.
Hot take: this is very good
December 25, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Hot take: this is very good
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Me 🤝 the President
Shitting our pants on Christmas
Shitting our pants on Christmas
December 25, 2025 at 6:15 PM
Me 🤝 the President
Shitting our pants on Christmas
Shitting our pants on Christmas
No I’m not. He’s the fucking president. He’s probably having an awesome Christmas. We need a new line of attack.
TO ALL MY BIG, STRONG FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS WITH TEARS IN THEIR EYES: I HAVE WRITTEN A VERY POWERFUL, VERY STRONG CHRISTMAS POST LIKE FEW THOUGHT POSSIBLE. MANY ARE SAYING "SIR! SIR! NO ONE MERRY CHRISTMASES LIKE YOU! SIR!" THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. LINK IS HERE: bit.ly/4peOAXT
December 25, 2025 at 6:14 PM
No I’m not. He’s the fucking president. He’s probably having an awesome Christmas. We need a new line of attack.
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
It would be a Christmas miracle
Everyone deserves to have a lovely holiday filled with joy, warmth, and laughter. That being said, if Greg Bovino got absolutely liquified by a Mack truck today, I don’t think I’d lose too much sleep over it.
December 25, 2025 at 5:57 PM
It would be a Christmas miracle
Everyone deserves to have a lovely holiday filled with joy, warmth, and laughter. That being said, if Greg Bovino got absolutely liquified by a Mack truck today, I don’t think I’d lose too much sleep over it.
December 25, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Everyone deserves to have a lovely holiday filled with joy, warmth, and laughter. That being said, if Greg Bovino got absolutely liquified by a Mack truck today, I don’t think I’d lose too much sleep over it.
I hope Kelly Clarkson is having a wonderful Christmas
December 25, 2025 at 5:41 PM
I hope Kelly Clarkson is having a wonderful Christmas
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
Saying Merry Holidays to confuse everyone
Saying “happy holidays” today to own the conservs
December 25, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Saying Merry Holidays to confuse everyone
Saying “happy holidays” today to own the conservs
December 25, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Saying “happy holidays” today to own the conservs
Who the fuck is tiny tim
December 25, 2025 at 8:43 AM
Who the fuck is tiny tim
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
You want horror? Santa's considered a hero as he delivers organs to those on transplant lists. What no one knows is that he & the elves eat a great many of them.
(It's exhausting keeping up w/ your Santa threads!)
(It's exhausting keeping up w/ your Santa threads!)
December 25, 2025 at 7:13 AM
You want horror? Santa's considered a hero as he delivers organs to those on transplant lists. What no one knows is that he & the elves eat a great many of them.
(It's exhausting keeping up w/ your Santa threads!)
(It's exhausting keeping up w/ your Santa threads!)
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
The long wavelength of the red light provides illumination while being less detectable at range in case NORAD collaborates with ICE.
December 25, 2025 at 6:59 AM
The long wavelength of the red light provides illumination while being less detectable at range in case NORAD collaborates with ICE.
The more I learn about Santa Claus, the more terrifying he becomes
When there's fog out, you're not lighting up the night sky, you're only lighting up the fog. The light is red so that it doesn't interfere with Santa's night vision, which was a huge problem when the other reindeer lit up the fog.
December 25, 2025 at 7:00 AM
The more I learn about Santa Claus, the more terrifying he becomes
They’re keeping us in the dark for a reason
Also how does a deer breathe through an electric nose? This anatomical setup seems rather implausible. And does the nose ever burn out? If so, do they replace an inter-nostril bulb of some sort or the entire nose?? Of the former, where do they get replacement bulbs? And if the latter, WHAT THE SHIT
December 25, 2025 at 6:48 AM
They’re keeping us in the dark for a reason
Reposted by Ian Miles Schlong
the powerful sleigh lobby keeps on blocking their research!
December 25, 2025 at 6:27 AM
the powerful sleigh lobby keeps on blocking their research!