Reposted by D
Maybe the real treasure was the existential dread we collected along the way
April 15, 2025 at 12:43 AM
Maybe the real treasure was the existential dread we collected along the way
Reposted by D
There’s been a terrible accident involving me and my mouth again.
April 14, 2025 at 2:55 PM
There’s been a terrible accident involving me and my mouth again.
Reposted by D
[mulan listening to cyndi lauper]
🎶 GIRLS THEY WANNA KILL HUNS OHH GIRLS JUST WANNA KILL HUNS 🎶
🎶 GIRLS THEY WANNA KILL HUNS OHH GIRLS JUST WANNA KILL HUNS 🎶
April 15, 2025 at 1:11 PM
[mulan listening to cyndi lauper]
🎶 GIRLS THEY WANNA KILL HUNS OHH GIRLS JUST WANNA KILL HUNS 🎶
🎶 GIRLS THEY WANNA KILL HUNS OHH GIRLS JUST WANNA KILL HUNS 🎶
Reposted by D
Anything that isn't about elephants is irrelephant.
April 8, 2025 at 2:51 AM
Anything that isn't about elephants is irrelephant.
Reposted by D
How many different kinds of potatoes can you eat at the same time before it's weird
April 13, 2025 at 8:03 PM
How many different kinds of potatoes can you eat at the same time before it's weird
Reposted by D
The new thing is gonna be arguing about what outrage should outrage us the most.
April 12, 2025 at 3:48 AM
The new thing is gonna be arguing about what outrage should outrage us the most.
Reposted by D
The vet says that my goat Billy experiences frequent victories in golf ball eating events.
April 15, 2025 at 10:43 PM
The vet says that my goat Billy experiences frequent victories in golf ball eating events.
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Judith Light's evil twin is Judith Dark. We know she's evil because of the goatee.
April 15, 2025 at 9:44 PM
Judith Light's evil twin is Judith Dark. We know she's evil because of the goatee.
Reposted by D
1991: fighting with five siblings for use of a single landline
2025: we all refuse to answer our cell phones
2025: we all refuse to answer our cell phones
April 15, 2025 at 5:44 PM
1991: fighting with five siblings for use of a single landline
2025: we all refuse to answer our cell phones
2025: we all refuse to answer our cell phones
Reposted by D
Reached the age where my body involuntarily makes haunted house noises.
April 15, 2025 at 9:19 PM
Reached the age where my body involuntarily makes haunted house noises.
Reposted by D
When my hair unfurls like a pennant in the wind, I feel I'm the woman on an enchanted ship before she was hexed by a jealous witch, and turned into the stoic, glossy, wooden maidenhead.
Interviewer: Ah...ok...and a weakness?
Interviewer: Ah...ok...and a weakness?
April 11, 2025 at 8:28 PM
When my hair unfurls like a pennant in the wind, I feel I'm the woman on an enchanted ship before she was hexed by a jealous witch, and turned into the stoic, glossy, wooden maidenhead.
Interviewer: Ah...ok...and a weakness?
Interviewer: Ah...ok...and a weakness?
Reposted by D
Stress test?… you mean life?
April 15, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Stress test?… you mean life?
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[petting two cats] I’m so good at petting two cats at once with my two arms
[a third cat approaches] fuck
[a third cat approaches] fuck
December 28, 2024 at 9:58 PM
[petting two cats] I’m so good at petting two cats at once with my two arms
[a third cat approaches] fuck
[a third cat approaches] fuck
I need my reading glasses to fix my reading glasses.
April 15, 2025 at 11:25 PM
I need my reading glasses to fix my reading glasses.
Reposted by D
It's crazy how people I grew up with are turning 50 and I'm just over here stayin all young
February 6, 2025 at 11:30 PM
It's crazy how people I grew up with are turning 50 and I'm just over here stayin all young
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My favorite part of the apocalypse has been the constant fatigue
February 7, 2025 at 1:50 AM
My favorite part of the apocalypse has been the constant fatigue
Reposted by D
Never piss off a woman. We remember shit that hasn’t happened yet
February 7, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Never piss off a woman. We remember shit that hasn’t happened yet
Reposted by D
If you’re not scared, and
I mean viscerally disturbed
By what the fuck is going on
Then pass the fucking spliff you’re smoking
I mean viscerally disturbed
By what the fuck is going on
Then pass the fucking spliff you’re smoking
February 5, 2025 at 2:09 AM
If you’re not scared, and
I mean viscerally disturbed
By what the fuck is going on
Then pass the fucking spliff you’re smoking
I mean viscerally disturbed
By what the fuck is going on
Then pass the fucking spliff you’re smoking
Reposted by D
you ever get in one of those moods where nothing makes you happy *gestures at the entire world*
February 6, 2025 at 10:07 PM
you ever get in one of those moods where nothing makes you happy *gestures at the entire world*
Reposted by D
No one cares if you have no DMs in your bio okay? It’s the apocalypse. Shoot your shot. See you in Hell.
December 17, 2024 at 8:19 PM
No one cares if you have no DMs in your bio okay? It’s the apocalypse. Shoot your shot. See you in Hell.
Reposted by D
*At a fancy restaurant, trying to impress a date*
Waiter bring us your finest hot pockets & a glass of hotdog water for the lady
Waiter bring us your finest hot pockets & a glass of hotdog water for the lady
February 6, 2025 at 10:58 PM
*At a fancy restaurant, trying to impress a date*
Waiter bring us your finest hot pockets & a glass of hotdog water for the lady
Waiter bring us your finest hot pockets & a glass of hotdog water for the lady
Is there such a thing as an extra large toilet? My son keeps clogging ours.
February 7, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Is there such a thing as an extra large toilet? My son keeps clogging ours.
Reposted by D
If The Fonz started a church we could all be Ayythiests
December 31, 2024 at 6:27 AM
If The Fonz started a church we could all be Ayythiests
Reposted by D
1985: Desperately Seeking Susan
2025: Desperately Seeking Sanity
2025: Desperately Seeking Sanity
December 31, 2024 at 2:14 PM
1985: Desperately Seeking Susan
2025: Desperately Seeking Sanity
2025: Desperately Seeking Sanity