Cyrus O’Merican
@cyrusomerican.bsky.social
Friend to some, hero to all
My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ag2sjc34zltiuqtaoddm2rk3/feed/aaadd6xr5volo
My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ag2sjc34zltiuqtaoddm2rk3/feed/aaadd6xr5volo
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
Before you dm me you need to understand that i eat bananas like corn cobs
November 18, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Before you dm me you need to understand that i eat bananas like corn cobs
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
a jury of my peers? well then yer honor go ahead and find 12 folks that piss in the sink
November 18, 2025 at 3:28 AM
a jury of my peers? well then yer honor go ahead and find 12 folks that piss in the sink
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
Astonishingly, if you type in "Noisy Pants" in the Adidas web site search bar, it does not magically know what you are looking for
November 18, 2025 at 2:52 AM
Astonishingly, if you type in "Noisy Pants" in the Adidas web site search bar, it does not magically know what you are looking for
[taking a big bite, then spitting it out]
This isn’t sweet at all Neil Diamond is full of shit
This isn’t sweet at all Neil Diamond is full of shit
November 13, 2025 at 9:11 PM
[taking a big bite, then spitting it out]
This isn’t sweet at all Neil Diamond is full of shit
This isn’t sweet at all Neil Diamond is full of shit
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
me: (talking out loud while i write in my diary) today was ok, i just wish i could have eaten more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
March 5, 2025 at 6:36 PM
me: (talking out loud while i write in my diary) today was ok, i just wish i could have eaten more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
Art teacher: I think you've misunderstood. It's the models who will be nude.
Me: Well this is awkward.
Me: Well this is awkward.
November 5, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Art teacher: I think you've misunderstood. It's the models who will be nude.
Me: Well this is awkward.
Me: Well this is awkward.
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
Is the day before too soon to make jokes about my co-worker being shoved down the stairs?
October 17, 2025 at 1:12 PM
Is the day before too soon to make jokes about my co-worker being shoved down the stairs?
What does my wife want for dinner?
November 4, 2025 at 6:40 PM
What does my wife want for dinner?
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
how to make friends:
1. chug a bottle of ipecac 24 minutes before meeting someone
2. tell them you're psychic and can see how they'll die
3. take their hand and immediately start vomiting
1. chug a bottle of ipecac 24 minutes before meeting someone
2. tell them you're psychic and can see how they'll die
3. take their hand and immediately start vomiting
April 4, 2024 at 1:40 AM
how to make friends:
1. chug a bottle of ipecac 24 minutes before meeting someone
2. tell them you're psychic and can see how they'll die
3. take their hand and immediately start vomiting
1. chug a bottle of ipecac 24 minutes before meeting someone
2. tell them you're psychic and can see how they'll die
3. take their hand and immediately start vomiting
slept with my arm dangling in a portal to hell where bad children were slamming it in a drawer
October 29, 2025 at 10:58 AM
slept with my arm dangling in a portal to hell where bad children were slamming it in a drawer
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
HER: You're not very self-aware, but I love your flaws.
ME: My what?!
ME: My what?!
October 26, 2025 at 2:09 PM
HER: You're not very self-aware, but I love your flaws.
ME: My what?!
ME: My what?!
Yeah I’m hardcore (exclaimed aww yeah! when Linda Ronstadt came up in the shuffle)
October 25, 2025 at 2:07 PM
Yeah I’m hardcore (exclaimed aww yeah! when Linda Ronstadt came up in the shuffle)
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
He died doing what he loved...
proposing to porn bots!
proposing to porn bots!
January 7, 2025 at 5:40 AM
He died doing what he loved...
proposing to porn bots!
proposing to porn bots!
PROFESSOR: the time is approaching when computer superintelligence will surpass human cognitive ability
ME (eating a bag of TidePods): not yet tho, right?
PROFESSOR: no, but someday. Can I get a couple of those?
ME (eating a bag of TidePods): not yet tho, right?
PROFESSOR: no, but someday. Can I get a couple of those?
October 18, 2025 at 4:49 PM
PROFESSOR: the time is approaching when computer superintelligence will surpass human cognitive ability
ME (eating a bag of TidePods): not yet tho, right?
PROFESSOR: no, but someday. Can I get a couple of those?
ME (eating a bag of TidePods): not yet tho, right?
PROFESSOR: no, but someday. Can I get a couple of those?
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
People who have difficult to interpret vanity plates on their car should have to put a bumper sticker next to the license plate saying what it means
October 17, 2025 at 7:53 PM
People who have difficult to interpret vanity plates on their car should have to put a bumper sticker next to the license plate saying what it means
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
My dog is a fearless badass until the robot vacuum bumps into her.
October 17, 2025 at 6:13 PM
My dog is a fearless badass until the robot vacuum bumps into her.
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
"the sun's harmful rays?"
You owe the sun EVERYTHING. You would not be shit without the sun.
You owe the sun EVERYTHING. You would not be shit without the sun.
October 16, 2025 at 10:13 PM
"the sun's harmful rays?"
You owe the sun EVERYTHING. You would not be shit without the sun.
You owe the sun EVERYTHING. You would not be shit without the sun.
When I was a kid I planned that if I were ever on the show Double Dare, I’d name my team the Marc Summers Gang so he’d feel compelled to let us win, or, at least, want to be friends
October 17, 2025 at 6:45 PM
When I was a kid I planned that if I were ever on the show Double Dare, I’d name my team the Marc Summers Gang so he’d feel compelled to let us win, or, at least, want to be friends
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
Heading over to the public library to see what capes the perverts will be wearing this winter.
October 13, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Heading over to the public library to see what capes the perverts will be wearing this winter.
I left an unpeeled banana on the counter with the intention of eating it soon. My wife asks, “what is this banana?” to which I reply, “it’s a banana.”
And I’m the asshole
And I’m the asshole
October 13, 2025 at 5:51 PM
I left an unpeeled banana on the counter with the intention of eating it soon. My wife asks, “what is this banana?” to which I reply, “it’s a banana.”
And I’m the asshole
And I’m the asshole
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
Wonder how many days after Snow White moved out before a dwarf chucked a whistling squirrel doing dishes through an open window
August 16, 2025 at 6:31 AM
Wonder how many days after Snow White moved out before a dwarf chucked a whistling squirrel doing dishes through an open window
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
canadian thanksgiving? what’s next? canadian christmas? canadian new year’s? gtfo i mean sorry 🙄
October 13, 2025 at 3:40 PM
canadian thanksgiving? what’s next? canadian christmas? canadian new year’s? gtfo i mean sorry 🙄
Reposted by Cyrus O’Merican
*during sex
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I’m gross.
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I’m gross.
October 9, 2025 at 5:31 PM
*during sex
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I’m gross.
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I’m gross.