🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
@ltvargus.bsky.social
I'm Lex. I write books that are "full of gore and evil" according to one reader. http://ltvargus.com/books
My stupid posts:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uesz4twpjyxhawilgwhdgndr/feed/aaadwblv2k7uq
My stupid posts:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uesz4twpjyxhawilgwhdgndr/feed/aaadwblv2k7uq
Pinned
🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
@ltvargus.bsky.social
· Nov 10
My dog loves peeing through the fence into the neighbor's yard, so I tried it and he's right! It's a lot of fun.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
He’s in your DMs. I’m robble-robbling from one McDonald’s dumpster to another, searching for any burgers they had to throw away after closing. (I am the Hamburglar)
December 12, 2024 at 11:14 PM
He’s in your DMs. I’m robble-robbling from one McDonald’s dumpster to another, searching for any burgers they had to throw away after closing. (I am the Hamburglar)
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Don’t make me per my last email you
November 10, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Don’t make me per my last email you
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
I'm werner herzog and this is jackass
November 12, 2025 at 7:07 AM
I'm werner herzog and this is jackass
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
A hot fudge Monday (Mondae?). But too long in the microwave and now Gary was trapped in the kitchen like a mammoth in a tar pit.
November 11, 2025 at 5:17 AM
A hot fudge Monday (Mondae?). But too long in the microwave and now Gary was trapped in the kitchen like a mammoth in a tar pit.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
McRib selfie tomorrow.
November 12, 2025 at 4:25 AM
McRib selfie tomorrow.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
casting a dark spell to make you forget that i didn’t remember your birthday last week
November 12, 2025 at 5:00 AM
casting a dark spell to make you forget that i didn’t remember your birthday last week
Sneaking into your house and turning the thermostat down so you’ll get the urge to eat soup
November 11, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Sneaking into your house and turning the thermostat down so you’ll get the urge to eat soup
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
"I'm just spitballin"
OK well it's really gross, please stop
OK well it's really gross, please stop
November 11, 2025 at 1:06 PM
"I'm just spitballin"
OK well it's really gross, please stop
OK well it's really gross, please stop
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
On the outside I’m a houseplant. On the inside I’m photosynthesizing dark thoughts.
November 10, 2025 at 4:26 AM
On the outside I’m a houseplant. On the inside I’m photosynthesizing dark thoughts.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Why doomscroll when we could be doomcuddling?
November 9, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Why doomscroll when we could be doomcuddling?
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Neither shitposter nor hitposter but a secret absurd thing (fortune pierogi)
August 24, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Neither shitposter nor hitposter but a secret absurd thing (fortune pierogi)
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
giving up jogging for shit posting my way into further mental instability
October 28, 2025 at 12:26 PM
giving up jogging for shit posting my way into further mental instability
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Adding water to my juice because then I get twice as much lequid
January 2, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Adding water to my juice because then I get twice as much lequid
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
You can learn a lot about somebody by the little jean jackets they make for stray cats
November 10, 2025 at 5:01 PM
You can learn a lot about somebody by the little jean jackets they make for stray cats
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
The abyss called. Your screams are noted.
August 21, 2025 at 2:16 PM
The abyss called. Your screams are noted.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Working on boundaries with my parents (ring of salt around the house)
November 10, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Working on boundaries with my parents (ring of salt around the house)
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
it takes a village people to raise a macho man
November 10, 2025 at 5:30 PM
it takes a village people to raise a macho man
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
does anyone know what's in a chill pill, it's hard drugs right? it's gotta be hard drugs
November 10, 2025 at 4:30 AM
does anyone know what's in a chill pill, it's hard drugs right? it's gotta be hard drugs
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
i’m just saying maybe there needs to be more consequences than “you might lose your job next year and go into a cushy consulting gig”
November 10, 2025 at 3:14 PM
i’m just saying maybe there needs to be more consequences than “you might lose your job next year and go into a cushy consulting gig”
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
yes, I was young once
November 7, 2025 at 10:06 PM
yes, I was young once
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
I don't want to spring forward or fall back, I want to be yeeted into the sun
March 8, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I don't want to spring forward or fall back, I want to be yeeted into the sun
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Consider that we don't even have a shared cultural understanding of what can be flushed.
September 21, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Consider that we don't even have a shared cultural understanding of what can be flushed.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
My name is Three Small Plops, so when I'm in the bathroom stall at work, my coworkers will crowd around and cheer to hear the third one fall. But it's just my name, not a promise. I can be constipated like anyone else, or, in cases of extreme sickness, I can deal with such situations as diarrhea.
November 10, 2025 at 6:53 PM
My name is Three Small Plops, so when I'm in the bathroom stall at work, my coworkers will crowd around and cheer to hear the third one fall. But it's just my name, not a promise. I can be constipated like anyone else, or, in cases of extreme sickness, I can deal with such situations as diarrhea.