TeenagePhlebotomy
@teenagephlebotomy.bsky.social
My neighbor had chickens in his unfenced yard and they shit all over my lawn and patio but now they're dead. I had nothing to do with it.
Pinned
I've got a lot of problems with Billy Joel. Today it's is attitude toward Davey. What if Davey is quite happy to be a U.S. Navy lifer? My issues with the military aside, where the fuck does Joel get the nards to be critical, dismissive? You're the fucker playing your twee little piano tunes for him.
Might do my hair up in pigtails tomorrow.
November 27, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Might do my hair up in pigtails tomorrow.
I don't know what else to eat. Maybe one of the stale bagels.
November 27, 2025 at 2:04 AM
I don't know what else to eat. Maybe one of the stale bagels.
You vile Swabian pig rancher.
November 27, 2025 at 1:02 AM
You vile Swabian pig rancher.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
ok it is time for me to hibernate for the season
i am thankful for all of u keeping me company here on the blue sky during this year
be well
i am thankful for all of u keeping me company here on the blue sky during this year
be well
November 27, 2025 at 12:07 AM
ok it is time for me to hibernate for the season
i am thankful for all of u keeping me company here on the blue sky during this year
be well
i am thankful for all of u keeping me company here on the blue sky during this year
be well
I still look at porn, but these days I just say, "She's pretty. That's nice."
November 27, 2025 at 12:22 AM
I still look at porn, but these days I just say, "She's pretty. That's nice."
Not cherry. She hasn't liked that since the mid '60s.
November 27, 2025 at 12:04 AM
Not cherry. She hasn't liked that since the mid '60s.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
November 26, 2025 at 4:53 PM
The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
I call the Toyota Tacoma the "Taco Mother."
November 26, 2025 at 11:30 PM
I call the Toyota Tacoma the "Taco Mother."
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
Look i really think you ought to know that i just farted
November 26, 2025 at 10:18 PM
Look i really think you ought to know that i just farted
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
aunt Peg's famous silica-packet casserole
March 2, 2025 at 6:53 PM
aunt Peg's famous silica-packet casserole
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
East Liberty. Chislett Street. Caller said he is an Amazon driver and hit like an open sewer grate or something in the road so big that he fell out of his truck and injured himself.
November 25, 2025 at 9:13 PM
East Liberty. Chislett Street. Caller said he is an Amazon driver and hit like an open sewer grate or something in the road so big that he fell out of his truck and injured himself.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
❌ I'm good in bed
✅ I'm good, in bed
✅ I'm good, in bed
November 26, 2025 at 4:35 PM
❌ I'm good in bed
✅ I'm good, in bed
✅ I'm good, in bed
I hum the Banana Splits theme song the entire workday.
November 26, 2025 at 3:07 PM
I hum the Banana Splits theme song the entire workday.
During a brief and horrible stint in advertising I did work for a company that manufactured industrial coatings and linings. It is here where I learned the horrible term "meat release" for a coating that allows processes animal goo to slide right out of a can.
November 26, 2025 at 2:01 PM
During a brief and horrible stint in advertising I did work for a company that manufactured industrial coatings and linings. It is here where I learned the horrible term "meat release" for a coating that allows processes animal goo to slide right out of a can.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
cats only want what's best for you (subservience)
November 26, 2025 at 12:06 AM
cats only want what's best for you (subservience)
Yes, you are chaste. But would you like to be caught?
November 26, 2025 at 1:35 PM
Yes, you are chaste. But would you like to be caught?
Variety meats!
November 26, 2025 at 1:21 PM
Variety meats!
I once owned and drove a red Ford Festiva with a manual transmission. The car was so light that a passing truck could nearly blow it off the road.
November 26, 2025 at 1:18 PM
I once owned and drove a red Ford Festiva with a manual transmission. The car was so light that a passing truck could nearly blow it off the road.
Let's go bowling.
November 26, 2025 at 3:07 AM
Let's go bowling.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
In my teens I briefly flirted with bowler hat wearing, a flirtation that abruptly came to an end the day I also tried to eat an apple and got called a 'Magritte Dickhead' by a particularly cultured bully.
November 25, 2025 at 10:09 PM
In my teens I briefly flirted with bowler hat wearing, a flirtation that abruptly came to an end the day I also tried to eat an apple and got called a 'Magritte Dickhead' by a particularly cultured bully.
My frappe brings five or six boys to the yard.
November 26, 2025 at 2:15 AM
My frappe brings five or six boys to the yard.
There's no way I'm disco dancing.
November 26, 2025 at 2:04 AM
There's no way I'm disco dancing.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
Dog who knows how to use a couch
November 26, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Dog who knows how to use a couch
Heave and blow. Blah blah blah blah butterflies yeah.
November 26, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Heave and blow. Blah blah blah blah butterflies yeah.