🌯❤️Burritotine's Day❤️🌯
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burritozen.net
🌯❤️Burritotine's Day❤️🌯
@burritozen.net
Sentient Burrito in a constant state of existential crisis. Bangers https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:fzqkeghq27fsfade5ydraatj/feed/aaai6rqskq3g2
Pinned
*puts mouth on microphone*

Buttholes
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sleebin during standup
February 6, 2026 at 3:55 PM
February 6, 2026 at 4:14 PM
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February 6, 2026 at 12:38 PM
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Killing a mocking bird sounds super easy tbh I dont think I need to read an entire book about it
February 6, 2026 at 12:43 PM
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A phone is a computer. You friended me on Yahtzee® With Buddies you liar.
gotta respect it
February 6, 2026 at 3:41 AM
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[youth pastor voice] you know who ELSE had some big wood
February 6, 2026 at 3:44 AM
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It was fun when everyone followed me

We should do that again

As I sit back, shaking my head at your mistake
February 6, 2026 at 1:44 AM
Why repost a bad joke when you make a more badderer one?
February 6, 2026 at 1:43 AM
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why repost your bad joke when you can just make another one
February 6, 2026 at 1:42 AM
My posts read most bestest while horny and slightly high
My posts read best with a laugh track playing in the background
my posts read best with a jazzy baseline playing in the background
February 6, 2026 at 1:29 AM
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I don’t care if it’s false spring, it’s REAL TO ME
February 5, 2026 at 9:38 PM
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how many episodes of The Pitt do i need to watch so my parents will feel proud of me
February 6, 2026 at 1:04 AM
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You're in her DMs, I'm the harbinger of destruction, heralding an ancient horror that doesn't even know your name yet but is dying to make your acquaintance.
February 6, 2026 at 1:05 AM
Introduce yourself with 5 songs

1. Safety Dance - Men Without Hats
2. Modern Leper - Frightened Rabbit
3. Dancer - IDLES
4. A Gentleman Caller - Cursive
5. Know Your Enemy - Rage Against The Machine
Introduce yourself with 5 songs:

1. Bad Guy - Eminem
2. Inner City Blues - Rodriguez
3. Fools Gold - The Stone Roses
4. Box of Rain - Grateful Dead
5. Manipulation - The Black Angels
Introduce yourself with 5 songs:

-Right here, right now - Fat Boy slim
-Paper Romance- Groove Armada
-Breathe- Prodigy
-Hey boy, hey girl - Chemical Brothers
-Wicked Game- Chris Isaak.
February 6, 2026 at 12:17 AM
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February 5, 2026 at 11:20 PM
Sadsturbating helps
Trying to remember how to be funny but everything that comes out is either sad or horny or both.
February 5, 2026 at 10:54 PM
This is about buttstuff. I'm sure of it.
It should be done slowly. Methodically. With intent. Or not done it at all.
February 5, 2026 at 10:54 PM
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I was cut from a different, less absorbent, cloth.
February 5, 2026 at 10:46 PM
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First day as a doctor:
Patient: "What's the diagnosis, doc?"
dr: "It's impossible to say."
patient: "Didn't you do tests?"
dr: "Oh yes, I know exactly which disease it is, it's just *gestures vaguely* it's a really long word."
February 5, 2026 at 10:45 PM
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space heater? good luck with that
February 5, 2026 at 10:34 PM
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im my mind youre all dark mode users
February 5, 2026 at 10:24 PM
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Look for the hamburger helpers
February 5, 2026 at 10:32 PM
Mine are by subscription. You all owe me $5 each
My skeets are, and always will be, ad free
February 5, 2026 at 9:55 PM
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she habeas on my corpus til i writ
February 5, 2026 at 8:27 PM
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Lake Gitchegumee
Kweisi Mfume
That girlie over there?
You know she wanna do me
My name is burrito
Buttholes are the best
I think you're neato
Good rhymes I'm impressed
•rap battle•

i spit verb like the best
you just a chum like the rest
but everyone hates
how i pronounce socrates
February 5, 2026 at 9:39 PM