XennDad
@xenndad.bsky.social
Here for bad jokes, dad jokes
Just my stuff: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qv7b4p4eona24ld6ic7u7buw/feed/aaafnuc74pmqk
Just my stuff: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qv7b4p4eona24ld6ic7u7buw/feed/aaafnuc74pmqk
Reposted by XennDad
give a man a fish and you are generous
make him pay for it and you are sell fish
make him pay for it and you are sell fish
January 31, 2025 at 3:08 AM
give a man a fish and you are generous
make him pay for it and you are sell fish
make him pay for it and you are sell fish
Reposted by XennDad
getting visited by three ghosts but they're not here to teach me a lesson they're just lonely and like my cooking
January 31, 2025 at 1:00 AM
getting visited by three ghosts but they're not here to teach me a lesson they're just lonely and like my cooking
Reposted by XennDad
The mess is coming from inside the house
January 25, 2025 at 2:42 AM
The mess is coming from inside the house
Reposted by XennDad
My Kid: Can we work out together?
What I picture happening: (I show my kid how to do a beginner push up and beginner plank)
What actually happens: (Kid gets bored halfway through and fires Nerf darts at my head while I try to hold a plank)
What I picture happening: (I show my kid how to do a beginner push up and beginner plank)
What actually happens: (Kid gets bored halfway through and fires Nerf darts at my head while I try to hold a plank)
January 20, 2025 at 2:05 AM
My Kid: Can we work out together?
What I picture happening: (I show my kid how to do a beginner push up and beginner plank)
What actually happens: (Kid gets bored halfway through and fires Nerf darts at my head while I try to hold a plank)
What I picture happening: (I show my kid how to do a beginner push up and beginner plank)
What actually happens: (Kid gets bored halfway through and fires Nerf darts at my head while I try to hold a plank)
Reposted by XennDad
Me: How dare you shit in my living room
Dog: How dare you shit in my porcelain drinking fountain
Dog: How dare you shit in my porcelain drinking fountain
January 20, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Me: How dare you shit in my living room
Dog: How dare you shit in my porcelain drinking fountain
Dog: How dare you shit in my porcelain drinking fountain
Reposted by XennDad
I always have a glass of milk before bed, only it’s frozen and called ice cream
January 20, 2025 at 6:36 AM
I always have a glass of milk before bed, only it’s frozen and called ice cream
Reposted by XennDad
Kids will use any excuse to fight, mine are currently arguing over whose fever is higher
January 20, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Kids will use any excuse to fight, mine are currently arguing over whose fever is higher
Reposted by XennDad
there's a stage in sandwich consumption where it's falling to pieces & you're desperately cupping it in your hands & it's like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die
January 11, 2025 at 7:15 PM
there's a stage in sandwich consumption where it's falling to pieces & you're desperately cupping it in your hands & it's like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die
Reposted by XennDad
Dry January but it’s just my skin
January 20, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Dry January but it’s just my skin
2yo: mom can you get me popsicle?
Wife: not a popsicle, but I can get you something
2yo: a popsicle?
Wife: not a popsicle, but I can get you something
2yo: a popsicle?
January 18, 2025 at 5:05 PM
2yo: mom can you get me popsicle?
Wife: not a popsicle, but I can get you something
2yo: a popsicle?
Wife: not a popsicle, but I can get you something
2yo: a popsicle?
Reposted by XennDad
JACK: *falls down, breaks crown*
JILL: *tumbling after* i told you to quit trying to make fetch happen
JILL: *tumbling after* i told you to quit trying to make fetch happen
January 17, 2025 at 6:30 PM
JACK: *falls down, breaks crown*
JILL: *tumbling after* i told you to quit trying to make fetch happen
JILL: *tumbling after* i told you to quit trying to make fetch happen
Reposted by XennDad
Well whose fault is it!?
January 17, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Well whose fault is it!?
Reposted by XennDad
My favorite part of Star Wars is when the angry guy was like "call me daddy"
January 17, 2025 at 7:15 PM
My favorite part of Star Wars is when the angry guy was like "call me daddy"
Reposted by XennDad
daughter: look daddy, I made you this picture!
me: aw honey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this
me: aw honey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this
January 17, 2025 at 7:34 PM
daughter: look daddy, I made you this picture!
me: aw honey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this
me: aw honey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this
Reposted by XennDad
for sale: horn never tooted
January 17, 2025 at 8:32 PM
for sale: horn never tooted
Reposted by XennDad
Get in loser we're defying gravity
January 17, 2025 at 8:35 PM
Get in loser we're defying gravity
Reposted by XennDad
As soon as my 7-year-old got home from school, he took off his shirt and said, “Ahhhhh, fresh air in my armpits. That’s the good stuff.”
January 17, 2025 at 9:50 PM
As soon as my 7-year-old got home from school, he took off his shirt and said, “Ahhhhh, fresh air in my armpits. That’s the good stuff.”
Reposted by XennDad
My kids built a fort, then asked if I would buy them a mini fridge for it, so I guess I'm not getting that corner of the living room back
January 18, 2025 at 1:50 AM
My kids built a fort, then asked if I would buy them a mini fridge for it, so I guess I'm not getting that corner of the living room back
Reposted by XennDad
My family crest is an ice pack next to a heat pack across a field of advil.
January 18, 2025 at 10:27 AM
My family crest is an ice pack next to a heat pack across a field of advil.
Reposted by XennDad
People who don’t have a favourite stove top burner are serial killers
January 18, 2025 at 11:51 AM
People who don’t have a favourite stove top burner are serial killers
Reposted by XennDad
You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain *or* absolutely crush it as an antihero with layers of complexity.
January 18, 2025 at 1:11 PM
You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain *or* absolutely crush it as an antihero with layers of complexity.
Reposted by XennDad
When more than five bubbas gather, it’s called a Hubba of Bubbas
January 18, 2025 at 1:27 PM
When more than five bubbas gather, it’s called a Hubba of Bubbas
Reposted by XennDad
*at least once a week*
Parent of my kid’s classmate and new best friend while shaking my hand: Hi. I’m Liz. I’m Cindy’s mom.
My brain, recording this info: Hi. I’m [redacted]. I’m [redacted]’s mom.
#parenting #parentsky
Parent of my kid’s classmate and new best friend while shaking my hand: Hi. I’m Liz. I’m Cindy’s mom.
My brain, recording this info: Hi. I’m [redacted]. I’m [redacted]’s mom.
#parenting #parentsky
January 18, 2025 at 1:49 PM
*at least once a week*
Parent of my kid’s classmate and new best friend while shaking my hand: Hi. I’m Liz. I’m Cindy’s mom.
My brain, recording this info: Hi. I’m [redacted]. I’m [redacted]’s mom.
#parenting #parentsky
Parent of my kid’s classmate and new best friend while shaking my hand: Hi. I’m Liz. I’m Cindy’s mom.
My brain, recording this info: Hi. I’m [redacted]. I’m [redacted]’s mom.
#parenting #parentsky