The Card
@thecard.bsky.social
Creator of depressing comics. Liver of a depressing life. Writer of depressing bios.
A slasher film in which the villain is a self-help guru entitled “Life Hack.”
February 9, 2026 at 5:21 PM
A slasher film in which the villain is a self-help guru entitled “Life Hack.”
Reposted by The Card
So between my two comics, I've now reached 100 strips for 2026 (on the off-chance that my math is correct).
February 9, 2026 at 2:12 PM
So between my two comics, I've now reached 100 strips for 2026 (on the off-chance that my math is correct).
New comic! Wherein the guys unpack the big game.
February 9, 2026 at 2:00 PM
New comic! Wherein the guys unpack the big game.
Happy National Pizza (with Soup on the Side) Day!
February 9, 2026 at 1:02 PM
Happy National Pizza (with Soup on the Side) Day!
I mean, if anyone would know affronts, it’s this guy.
February 9, 2026 at 3:07 AM
I mean, if anyone would know affronts, it’s this guy.
I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
February 8, 2026 at 7:59 PM
I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
From 2024. Wherein it's game day for the guys.
February 8, 2026 at 7:52 PM
From 2024. Wherein it's game day for the guys.
What, you've never heard of maintaining a brand?
February 8, 2026 at 6:05 PM
What, you've never heard of maintaining a brand?
May all your bowls be super.
February 8, 2026 at 4:38 PM
May all your bowls be super.
From 2024. Wherein Jenkins preps for game day.
February 8, 2026 at 3:46 PM
From 2024. Wherein Jenkins preps for game day.
The Muppet Show getting so much attention this week has me wondering why Muppets Tonight (the ‘90s Muppet Show update that lasted two seasons) is unavailable to purchase or stream and has never received a home video release.
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
February 8, 2026 at 2:59 PM
The Muppet Show getting so much attention this week has me wondering why Muppets Tonight (the ‘90s Muppet Show update that lasted two seasons) is unavailable to purchase or stream and has never received a home video release.
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
I think I know what happened.
February 8, 2026 at 11:45 AM
I think I know what happened.
You gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to... *checks notes*… PARTY?! What about my right to fully retreat from society and be left the hell alone?
February 8, 2026 at 10:56 AM
You gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to... *checks notes*… PARTY?! What about my right to fully retreat from society and be left the hell alone?
“It’s not a good idea to take your heart rate or blood pressure when you’re in a panicked state.”
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
February 8, 2026 at 9:34 AM
“It’s not a good idea to take your heart rate or blood pressure when you’re in a panicked state.”
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
When this first aired, my local Fox affiliate put up a crawl that listed areas impacted by a developing storm. And when Shary sang, “You’re all a bunch of apes,” the crawl emitted a bleeping noise over “apes,” leading me to believe she was swearing. (Which, honestly, is funnier.)
29 years ago today, we first met — and said goodbye to — Shary Bobbins. #TheSimpsons episode “Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious” first aired February 7, 1997.
February 8, 2026 at 8:40 AM
When this first aired, my local Fox affiliate put up a crawl that listed areas impacted by a developing storm. And when Shary sang, “You’re all a bunch of apes,” the crawl emitted a bleeping noise over “apes,” leading me to believe she was swearing. (Which, honestly, is funnier.)
Speed of light < Speed at which a show vanishes from every streaming platform the instant I decide to revisit it
February 7, 2026 at 4:06 PM
Speed of light < Speed at which a show vanishes from every streaming platform the instant I decide to revisit it
Reposted by The Card
I’ll use your product after I shampoo my hair on one condition
February 5, 2026 at 10:46 PM
I’ll use your product after I shampoo my hair on one condition
From last year. Wherein Cord has questions.
February 7, 2026 at 2:51 PM
From last year. Wherein Cord has questions.
From last year. Wherein Jenkins gets stoked for game day.
February 7, 2026 at 2:37 PM
From last year. Wherein Jenkins gets stoked for game day.
From 2023. Wherein the guys unpack the big game.
February 7, 2026 at 2:20 PM
From 2023. Wherein the guys unpack the big game.