The Card
@thecard.bsky.social
Creator of depressing comics. Liver of a depressing life. Writer of depressing bios.
I mean, if anyone would know affronts, it’s this guy.
February 9, 2026 at 3:07 AM
I mean, if anyone would know affronts, it’s this guy.
I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
February 8, 2026 at 7:59 PM
I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
Fine, goodness.
Fine, okayness.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous.
Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.
From 2024. Wherein it's game day for the guys.
February 8, 2026 at 7:52 PM
From 2024. Wherein it's game day for the guys.
What, you've never heard of maintaining a brand?
February 8, 2026 at 6:05 PM
What, you've never heard of maintaining a brand?
May all your bowls be super.
February 8, 2026 at 4:38 PM
May all your bowls be super.
From 2024. Wherein Jenkins preps for game day.
February 8, 2026 at 3:46 PM
From 2024. Wherein Jenkins preps for game day.
The Muppet Show getting so much attention this week has me wondering why Muppets Tonight (the ‘90s Muppet Show update that lasted two seasons) is unavailable to purchase or stream and has never received a home video release.
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
February 8, 2026 at 2:59 PM
The Muppet Show getting so much attention this week has me wondering why Muppets Tonight (the ‘90s Muppet Show update that lasted two seasons) is unavailable to purchase or stream and has never received a home video release.
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
(I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)
I think I know what happened.
February 8, 2026 at 11:45 AM
I think I know what happened.
You gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to... *checks notes*… PARTY?! What about my right to fully retreat from society and be left the hell alone?
February 8, 2026 at 10:56 AM
You gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to... *checks notes*… PARTY?! What about my right to fully retreat from society and be left the hell alone?
“It’s not a good idea to take your heart rate or blood pressure when you’re in a panicked state.”
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
February 8, 2026 at 9:34 AM
“It’s not a good idea to take your heart rate or blood pressure when you’re in a panicked state.”
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
So I never have to take either one? Nice!
When this first aired, my local Fox affiliate put up a crawl that listed areas impacted by a developing storm. And when Shary sang, “You’re all a bunch of apes,” the crawl emitted a bleeping noise over “apes,” leading me to believe she was swearing. (Which, honestly, is funnier.)
29 years ago today, we first met — and said goodbye to — Shary Bobbins. #TheSimpsons episode “Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious” first aired February 7, 1997.
February 8, 2026 at 8:40 AM
When this first aired, my local Fox affiliate put up a crawl that listed areas impacted by a developing storm. And when Shary sang, “You’re all a bunch of apes,” the crawl emitted a bleeping noise over “apes,” leading me to believe she was swearing. (Which, honestly, is funnier.)
Speed of light < Speed at which a show vanishes from every streaming platform the instant I decide to revisit it
February 7, 2026 at 4:06 PM
Speed of light < Speed at which a show vanishes from every streaming platform the instant I decide to revisit it
Reposted by The Card
I’ll use your product after I shampoo my hair on one condition
February 5, 2026 at 10:46 PM
I’ll use your product after I shampoo my hair on one condition
From last year. Wherein Cord has questions.
February 7, 2026 at 2:51 PM
From last year. Wherein Cord has questions.
From last year. Wherein Jenkins gets stoked for game day.
February 7, 2026 at 2:37 PM
From last year. Wherein Jenkins gets stoked for game day.
From 2023. Wherein the guys unpack the big game.
February 7, 2026 at 2:20 PM
From 2023. Wherein the guys unpack the big game.
Get psyched for game day (and the soup commercials associated therewith)!
February 7, 2026 at 1:28 PM
Get psyched for game day (and the soup commercials associated therewith)!
Reposted by The Card
Pointing at the screen and asking "Is this Golden Wind?" every five minutes during the Olympic opening ceremonies
February 7, 2026 at 1:40 AM
Pointing at the screen and asking "Is this Golden Wind?" every five minutes during the Olympic opening ceremonies
An action-heavy sequel to The Cider House Rules entitled "The Waffle House Rules."
February 7, 2026 at 12:21 PM
An action-heavy sequel to The Cider House Rules entitled "The Waffle House Rules."
Been feeling very alone lately, albeit not necessarily “has any desire to be part of society” alone.
February 7, 2026 at 11:12 AM
Been feeling very alone lately, albeit not necessarily “has any desire to be part of society” alone.
When a character in a show you’re watching very suddenly dies of the same health issue your anxiety-riddled brain is currently obsessing over.
Please Dont Colin Jost GIF
ALT: Please Dont Colin Jost GIF
media.tenor.com
February 7, 2026 at 10:30 AM
When a character in a show you’re watching very suddenly dies of the same health issue your anxiety-riddled brain is currently obsessing over.
An obstacle course from a ‘90s Nickelodeon game show, but it’s the road construction in this city.
February 7, 2026 at 10:06 AM
An obstacle course from a ‘90s Nickelodeon game show, but it’s the road construction in this city.
“He confirmed that it was not a mistake - and was, in fact, ‘fine.’”
Republicans: But he took it down! The guy could cure cancer, and you’d STILL fucking hate him!
Republicans: But he took it down! The guy could cure cancer, and you’d STILL fucking hate him!
Q: A number of Republicans are calling on you to apologize for that post. Is that something you're going to do?
Trump: No, I didn't make a mistake. It was fine. I guess it was a takeoff from The Lion King. And certainly it was a very strong post
Trump: No, I didn't make a mistake. It was fine. I guess it was a takeoff from The Lion King. And certainly it was a very strong post
February 7, 2026 at 9:55 AM
“He confirmed that it was not a mistake - and was, in fact, ‘fine.’”
Republicans: But he took it down! The guy could cure cancer, and you’d STILL fucking hate him!
Republicans: But he took it down! The guy could cure cancer, and you’d STILL fucking hate him!
Having a brain that refuses to accept the possibility that I’ll ever be okay kinda sucks, actually.
February 7, 2026 at 2:34 AM
Having a brain that refuses to accept the possibility that I’ll ever be okay kinda sucks, actually.