Parentball
@parentball.bsky.social
Parenting humor. Dumb jokes. Dumber puns.
Humor writing: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/authors/michael-ward & https://medium.com/@mikeward08 & https://www.pointsincase.com/author/michael-ward
Building a game for parents: www.parentball.com (Reboots in 2026)
Humor writing: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/authors/michael-ward & https://medium.com/@mikeward08 & https://www.pointsincase.com/author/michael-ward
Building a game for parents: www.parentball.com (Reboots in 2026)
Pinned
Parentball
@parentball.bsky.social
· Nov 15
*200,000 years ago, nomadic hunter/gatherer clan*
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parent: ...
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parent: ...
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parents: HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO SAY THIS? THERE IS NO THERE!
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parent: ...
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parent: ...
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parents: HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO SAY THIS? THERE IS NO THERE!
Ah, to wake up to the soothing sounds of your kids down the hall loudly singing the Phineas and Ferb theme song at 5:50 on a Saturday morning
November 15, 2025 at 1:39 PM
Ah, to wake up to the soothing sounds of your kids down the hall loudly singing the Phineas and Ferb theme song at 5:50 on a Saturday morning
"This is the last time I'm going to tell you that you need to put away the toys you took out," he lied
November 15, 2025 at 1:58 AM
"This is the last time I'm going to tell you that you need to put away the toys you took out," he lied
Reposted by Parentball
7yo: Dad can we go to Shake Shack for dinner?
Me: No, we just went there on Monday
7yo: Pleeeeease
Me: No, we're not going to do that
7yo: You're not hearing my feedback. Reopen this issue so that others can weigh in, and also commit to a timeline for reconsidering this
Me: Who taught you that?
Me: No, we just went there on Monday
7yo: Pleeeeease
Me: No, we're not going to do that
7yo: You're not hearing my feedback. Reopen this issue so that others can weigh in, and also commit to a timeline for reconsidering this
Me: Who taught you that?
November 13, 2025 at 9:37 PM
7yo: Dad can we go to Shake Shack for dinner?
Me: No, we just went there on Monday
7yo: Pleeeeease
Me: No, we're not going to do that
7yo: You're not hearing my feedback. Reopen this issue so that others can weigh in, and also commit to a timeline for reconsidering this
Me: Who taught you that?
Me: No, we just went there on Monday
7yo: Pleeeeease
Me: No, we're not going to do that
7yo: You're not hearing my feedback. Reopen this issue so that others can weigh in, and also commit to a timeline for reconsidering this
Me: Who taught you that?
Reposted by Parentball
My kid and I have this ritual every morning
They ask for hot chocolate
I make them the hot chocolate
They
Don't drink
The hot chocolate
*And scene*
They ask for hot chocolate
I make them the hot chocolate
They
Don't drink
The hot chocolate
*And scene*
November 14, 2025 at 1:43 PM
My kid and I have this ritual every morning
They ask for hot chocolate
I make them the hot chocolate
They
Don't drink
The hot chocolate
*And scene*
They ask for hot chocolate
I make them the hot chocolate
They
Don't drink
The hot chocolate
*And scene*
I have eaten
the Oreos
that contained
Oreos
and which
you were probably
going to crumble
into Oreo crumbles
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so Oreo
the Oreos
that contained
Oreos
and which
you were probably
going to crumble
into Oreo crumbles
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so Oreo
oh wow that’s crazy
oreos with bits of
of oreos. in them
Real Bits of Oreos
oreos with bits of
of oreos. in them
Real Bits of Oreos
November 13, 2025 at 11:26 PM
I have eaten
the Oreos
that contained
Oreos
and which
you were probably
going to crumble
into Oreo crumbles
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so Oreo
the Oreos
that contained
Oreos
and which
you were probably
going to crumble
into Oreo crumbles
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so Oreo
Parents everywhere: Cool. The Scholastic Book Fair! The kids will have fun choosing new books to read.
Kids everywhere: I MUST HAVE THIS GLITTER-FILLED UNICORN ERASER AND A LOCKABLE DIARY WITH SHINY DRAGON SCALES!
Kids everywhere: I MUST HAVE THIS GLITTER-FILLED UNICORN ERASER AND A LOCKABLE DIARY WITH SHINY DRAGON SCALES!
November 13, 2025 at 2:01 AM
Parents everywhere: Cool. The Scholastic Book Fair! The kids will have fun choosing new books to read.
Kids everywhere: I MUST HAVE THIS GLITTER-FILLED UNICORN ERASER AND A LOCKABLE DIARY WITH SHINY DRAGON SCALES!
Kids everywhere: I MUST HAVE THIS GLITTER-FILLED UNICORN ERASER AND A LOCKABLE DIARY WITH SHINY DRAGON SCALES!
Where do all the water bottles my kids lose end up?
November 12, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Where do all the water bottles my kids lose end up?
“Daddddd…[long pause…what’s coming?]…did you know there are infinity fish?” -6yo, philosophically
November 11, 2025 at 5:14 PM
“Daddddd…[long pause…what’s coming?]…did you know there are infinity fish?” -6yo, philosophically
Breaking: 10yo is currently trying to explain supply and demand to 6yo, who is excitedly making inventory for a guitar pick stand
November 11, 2025 at 1:31 PM
Breaking: 10yo is currently trying to explain supply and demand to 6yo, who is excitedly making inventory for a guitar pick stand
🎶 Blinded by the light
Aaron Rodgers gushes about ‘incredible’ mystery wife
Aaron Rodgers gushes about ‘incredible’ mystery wife
🎶I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada
She couldn't be sweeter
I wish you could meet her
My girlfriend who lives in Canada!
Her name is Alberta
She live in Vancouver...
She couldn't be sweeter
I wish you could meet her
My girlfriend who lives in Canada!
Her name is Alberta
She live in Vancouver...
Gushing over mystery wife
November 11, 2025 at 3:51 AM
🎶 Blinded by the light
Aaron Rodgers gushes about ‘incredible’ mystery wife
Aaron Rodgers gushes about ‘incredible’ mystery wife
Well, that's weird, but I hope the scientists' injuries weren't too serious
www.cnn.com/2025/11/04/s...
www.cnn.com/2025/11/04/s...
Mating injuries may lead scientists to identify dinosaurs’ sex | CNN
Paleontologists spotted injuries on the tails of duck-billed dinosaur fossils that might have occurred during mating.
www.cnn.com
November 11, 2025 at 3:13 AM
Well, that's weird, but I hope the scientists' injuries weren't too serious
www.cnn.com/2025/11/04/s...
www.cnn.com/2025/11/04/s...
Sometimes when the kids are arguing I will yell over them "THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT ARGUMENT. PLEASE KEEP GOING." This has maybe a 25% success rate. But tonight, my wife and I were arguing, and 6yo busts out "THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT ARGUMENT. PLEASE KEEP GOING." 🔥🔥🔥 Well done, my young apprentice
November 11, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Sometimes when the kids are arguing I will yell over them "THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT ARGUMENT. PLEASE KEEP GOING." This has maybe a 25% success rate. But tonight, my wife and I were arguing, and 6yo busts out "THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT ARGUMENT. PLEASE KEEP GOING." 🔥🔥🔥 Well done, my young apprentice
Reposted by Parentball
I keep accidentally buying ice cream that my kids don’t like and then having to eat it myself because no one else will, over and over again
November 10, 2025 at 3:22 AM
I keep accidentally buying ice cream that my kids don’t like and then having to eat it myself because no one else will, over and over again
Embarrassing parenting opinion: “Raining Tacos” is an absolute bop that I enjoy listening to
November 9, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Embarrassing parenting opinion: “Raining Tacos” is an absolute bop that I enjoy listening to
Reposted by Parentball
*200,000 years ago, nomadic hunter/gatherer clan*
6yo: Can I bring this rock with us?
Parent: Yeah, I guess.
6yo: And this one?
Parent: Uhhh..
6yo: And these sticks and this bone?
Parent: Well, I thi-
6yo: And you need to carry them for me.
Parent: *invents sedentary society*
6yo: Can I bring this rock with us?
Parent: Yeah, I guess.
6yo: And this one?
Parent: Uhhh..
6yo: And these sticks and this bone?
Parent: Well, I thi-
6yo: And you need to carry them for me.
Parent: *invents sedentary society*
November 15, 2024 at 2:25 AM
*200,000 years ago, nomadic hunter/gatherer clan*
6yo: Can I bring this rock with us?
Parent: Yeah, I guess.
6yo: And this one?
Parent: Uhhh..
6yo: And these sticks and this bone?
Parent: Well, I thi-
6yo: And you need to carry them for me.
Parent: *invents sedentary society*
6yo: Can I bring this rock with us?
Parent: Yeah, I guess.
6yo: And this one?
Parent: Uhhh..
6yo: And these sticks and this bone?
Parent: Well, I thi-
6yo: And you need to carry them for me.
Parent: *invents sedentary society*
Tootsie Rolls are the La Croix of Halloween candy
November 9, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Tootsie Rolls are the La Croix of Halloween candy
Putting in my mouth guard* as I get ready to get in the ring** for my big fight***
* night guard
** bed
*** sleepytime
* night guard
** bed
*** sleepytime
November 8, 2025 at 3:27 AM
Putting in my mouth guard* as I get ready to get in the ring** for my big fight***
* night guard
** bed
*** sleepytime
* night guard
** bed
*** sleepytime
Reposted by Parentball
Stuck in the car with my two youngest bickering loudly nonstop and my 7yo bursts out ‘WHY IS THE QUIET OFF.’ Preach, buddy.
November 7, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Stuck in the car with my two youngest bickering loudly nonstop and my 7yo bursts out ‘WHY IS THE QUIET OFF.’ Preach, buddy.
It was the best of times; it was the New York Times op-ed page of times.
November 7, 2025 at 3:50 AM
It was the best of times; it was the New York Times op-ed page of times.
🎶 Now I've heard there was a sandwich guy
Who tossed a sub at an agent from ICE
But you don't really care what kind of sandwich, do you?
It goes like this, the onions, the mustard
The minor stains, the tiny smirch
The baffled jury acquitting, Hallelujah
Who tossed a sub at an agent from ICE
But you don't really care what kind of sandwich, do you?
It goes like this, the onions, the mustard
The minor stains, the tiny smirch
The baffled jury acquitting, Hallelujah
Jury acquits D.C. 'sandwich guy' charged with chucking a sub at a federal agent
Sean Dunn faced a single misdemeanor after federal grand jurors refused to indict him on the felony charge sought by prosecutors.
www.nbcnews.com
November 7, 2025 at 1:41 AM
🎶 Now I've heard there was a sandwich guy
Who tossed a sub at an agent from ICE
But you don't really care what kind of sandwich, do you?
It goes like this, the onions, the mustard
The minor stains, the tiny smirch
The baffled jury acquitting, Hallelujah
Who tossed a sub at an agent from ICE
But you don't really care what kind of sandwich, do you?
It goes like this, the onions, the mustard
The minor stains, the tiny smirch
The baffled jury acquitting, Hallelujah
Reposted by Parentball
A List of Things Said to Have Been Ruined by Women
🧵
🧵
November 6, 2025 at 8:43 PM
A List of Things Said to Have Been Ruined by Women
🧵
🧵
“Dad, I’m starvingly thirsty” -6yo, inventing a perfectly cromulent new phrase
November 6, 2025 at 12:51 AM
“Dad, I’m starvingly thirsty” -6yo, inventing a perfectly cromulent new phrase
Not now, light of 10 trillion suns. Read the room
www.nbcnews.com/science/spac...
www.nbcnews.com/science/spac...
The light of 10 trillion suns: Scientists report the biggest black hole flare ever recorded
A supermassive black hole violently gobbled up an enormous star, producing a gargantuan cosmic outburst, according to a new study.
www.nbcnews.com
November 4, 2025 at 10:04 PM
Not now, light of 10 trillion suns. Read the room
www.nbcnews.com/science/spac...
www.nbcnews.com/science/spac...
When you open a Starburst two-pack and both are red
a bald man in a plaid shirt and vest
ALT: a bald man in a plaid shirt and vest
media.tenor.com
November 4, 2025 at 5:36 PM
When you open a Starburst two-pack and both are red