Parentball
@parentball.bsky.social
Parenting humor. Dumb jokes. Dumber puns.
Humor writing: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/authors/michael-ward & https://medium.com/@mikeward08 & https://www.pointsincase.com/author/michael-ward
Building a game for parents: www.parentball.com (Reboots in 2026)
Humor writing: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/authors/michael-ward & https://medium.com/@mikeward08 & https://www.pointsincase.com/author/michael-ward
Building a game for parents: www.parentball.com (Reboots in 2026)
Pinned
This Is Just To Sleigh
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
10yo (yelling): MOMMMM
Me: She’s upstairs.
10yo (louder): MMOOOMMMMMMMM
Me: Buddy, she’s upstairs. She can’t hear you.
10yo (audible on the moon): MMMOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Me: She’s upstairs.
10yo (louder): MMOOOMMMMMMMM
Me: Buddy, she’s upstairs. She can’t hear you.
10yo (audible on the moon): MMMOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
December 19, 2025 at 11:44 PM
10yo (yelling): MOMMMM
Me: She’s upstairs.
10yo (louder): MMOOOMMMMMMMM
Me: Buddy, she’s upstairs. She can’t hear you.
10yo (audible on the moon): MMMOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Me: She’s upstairs.
10yo (louder): MMOOOMMMMMMMM
Me: Buddy, she’s upstairs. She can’t hear you.
10yo (audible on the moon): MMMOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Reposted by Parentball
This Is Just To Sleigh
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
December 16, 2025 at 10:04 PM
This Is Just To Sleigh
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
Dear Yourname,
From the bottom of our hearts, we wish you personally the most joyous of holiday seasons, and a wonderful new year.
Happy Holidays,
Some company you bought 1 item from 11 years ago or some org's listserv you signed up for 3 jobs ago because it was really relevant to your work then
From the bottom of our hearts, we wish you personally the most joyous of holiday seasons, and a wonderful new year.
Happy Holidays,
Some company you bought 1 item from 11 years ago or some org's listserv you signed up for 3 jobs ago because it was really relevant to your work then
December 19, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Dear Yourname,
From the bottom of our hearts, we wish you personally the most joyous of holiday seasons, and a wonderful new year.
Happy Holidays,
Some company you bought 1 item from 11 years ago or some org's listserv you signed up for 3 jobs ago because it was really relevant to your work then
From the bottom of our hearts, we wish you personally the most joyous of holiday seasons, and a wonderful new year.
Happy Holidays,
Some company you bought 1 item from 11 years ago or some org's listserv you signed up for 3 jobs ago because it was really relevant to your work then
Good Will Hunting is a crisp Mass movie
December 17, 2025 at 10:01 PM
Good Will Hunting is a crisp Mass movie
I did the 6 7 thing so many times my kids are sick of it
December 17, 2025 at 12:47 AM
I did the 6 7 thing so many times my kids are sick of it
This Is Just To Sleigh
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
December 16, 2025 at 10:04 PM
This Is Just To Sleigh
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
I have eaten
the sugar-plums
that were dancing
in your head
and which
you were probably
dreaming
about
Forgive me
they were delicious
and you are in
Inception
Reposted by Parentball
Reposted by Parentball
Every time you send an email between now and Christmas an angel loses its wings
December 15, 2025 at 5:43 PM
Every time you send an email between now and Christmas an angel loses its wings
The kids are arguing over whether the Whos down in Whoville are human
December 16, 2025 at 1:26 AM
The kids are arguing over whether the Whos down in Whoville are human
We Wish You A Merry Christmas is my favorite song about going goblin mode for figgy pudding
December 15, 2025 at 1:12 PM
We Wish You A Merry Christmas is my favorite song about going goblin mode for figgy pudding
Saturday haiku special…
I am but stardust
That journeyed through eons to
Load dishes again.
I am but stardust
That journeyed through eons to
Load dishes again.
December 13, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Saturday haiku special…
I am but stardust
That journeyed through eons to
Load dishes again.
I am but stardust
That journeyed through eons to
Load dishes again.
I'm in the dolphin hunting party, I'm in the orca hunting party, I'm in the *combination* dolphin/orca hunting party
Watch orcas and dolphins team up to hunt—a possible scientific first
Researchers in Canada mounted cameras on orcas to spy on their behaviors and were amazed by what they saw.
www.nationalgeographic.com
December 13, 2025 at 3:50 PM
I'm in the dolphin hunting party, I'm in the orca hunting party, I'm in the *combination* dolphin/orca hunting party
"Would you like to view these files the next time you start Excel?"
"Yes, I want to view these files later", he lied
"Yes, I want to view these files later", he lied
December 12, 2025 at 10:23 PM
"Would you like to view these files the next time you start Excel?"
"Yes, I want to view these files later", he lied
"Yes, I want to view these files later", he lied
Reposted by Parentball
Today’s daily cartoon for @newyorker.com
December 11, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Today’s daily cartoon for @newyorker.com
Reposted by Parentball
Reposted by Parentball
best time of the year to have an email job tbqh
December 11, 2025 at 11:48 PM
best time of the year to have an email job tbqh
Check out the big story about ecnomic anxiert on top of @nbcnews.com right now
December 10, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Check out the big story about ecnomic anxiert on top of @nbcnews.com right now
Reposted by Parentball
"And don’t even get me started on the Parents. They eventually have a few sex scenes, but the acting is atrocious, and it’s clear neither of them is into it. They spend all day, every day, looking haggard, defeated, bored, and desperate."
You Can Skip the First Few Seasons of Your Child’s Life, Because It Doesn’t Really Get Good Until Season 6
Have I told you about the show we’ve been bingeing? You have got to watch Your Child’s Life. We are obsessed. It doesn’t get good until like Season...
buff.ly
December 10, 2025 at 2:00 AM
"And don’t even get me started on the Parents. They eventually have a few sex scenes, but the acting is atrocious, and it’s clear neither of them is into it. They spend all day, every day, looking haggard, defeated, bored, and desperate."
At her request, we’re lighting a candle in honor of the 83rd day of 6yo’s club. That she just made up.
December 10, 2025 at 1:13 AM
At her request, we’re lighting a candle in honor of the 83rd day of 6yo’s club. That she just made up.
Reposted by Parentball
[reading The Night Before Christmas]
son: what's a kerchief?
daughter: what's a clatter?
son: what's a sash?
daughter: what are coursers?
son: what's soot?
daughter: what's a peddler?
son: what's a thistle?
me: *closing book* Santa is fake. It's all fake. Goodnight.
son: what's a kerchief?
daughter: what's a clatter?
son: what's a sash?
daughter: what are coursers?
son: what's soot?
daughter: what's a peddler?
son: what's a thistle?
me: *closing book* Santa is fake. It's all fake. Goodnight.
December 9, 2025 at 5:31 PM
[reading The Night Before Christmas]
son: what's a kerchief?
daughter: what's a clatter?
son: what's a sash?
daughter: what are coursers?
son: what's soot?
daughter: what's a peddler?
son: what's a thistle?
me: *closing book* Santa is fake. It's all fake. Goodnight.
son: what's a kerchief?
daughter: what's a clatter?
son: what's a sash?
daughter: what are coursers?
son: what's soot?
daughter: what's a peddler?
son: what's a thistle?
me: *closing book* Santa is fake. It's all fake. Goodnight.
“Do you even know Three Blind Mice?” -6yo, to me, pioneering the new concept of nursery rhyme shaming
December 6, 2025 at 7:14 PM
“Do you even know Three Blind Mice?” -6yo, to me, pioneering the new concept of nursery rhyme shaming
*watching Chopped Junior and venison is a basket ingredient*
6yo: What kind of meat is that?
Me: Rudolph.
My wife: *shoots me dirty look*
6yo: What kind of meat is that?
Me: Rudolph.
My wife: *shoots me dirty look*
December 6, 2025 at 12:35 AM
*watching Chopped Junior and venison is a basket ingredient*
6yo: What kind of meat is that?
Me: Rudolph.
My wife: *shoots me dirty look*
6yo: What kind of meat is that?
Me: Rudolph.
My wife: *shoots me dirty look*
“I always know what I’m doing, because if I don’t know what I’m doing, then how am I doing it?” -6yo, philosophizing
December 5, 2025 at 10:40 PM
“I always know what I’m doing, because if I don’t know what I’m doing, then how am I doing it?” -6yo, philosophizing
Neither on Santa’s naughty list nor on Santa’s nice list, but a secret third thing (Santa’s quantum superposition list)
December 5, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Neither on Santa’s naughty list nor on Santa’s nice list, but a secret third thing (Santa’s quantum superposition list)