Pinned
Xalqee
@xalqee.bsky.social
· Jan 12
You know you’re an alcoholic if you can’t even say the word “ Sober” without making air quotes.
Reposted by Xalqee
I just want enough money to figure out which of my problems can’t be solved by money
August 10, 2025 at 12:13 AM
I just want enough money to figure out which of my problems can’t be solved by money
Reposted by Xalqee
The sheep, out of hatred for the rabbits, voted for the wolf to preside over the farm. They all died. Even the chickens, who didn't vote.
June 24, 2025 at 5:47 PM
The sheep, out of hatred for the rabbits, voted for the wolf to preside over the farm. They all died. Even the chickens, who didn't vote.
Reposted by Xalqee
I just watched Karate Kid 6 so I’m technically part of the problem.
November 22, 2025 at 2:02 PM
I just watched Karate Kid 6 so I’m technically part of the problem.
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like snow on a palm tree, beautiful, but somehow just not right
November 21, 2025 at 1:03 PM
like snow on a palm tree, beautiful, but somehow just not right
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I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck
November 13, 2025 at 11:01 PM
I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck
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I never know how long to rest in between workouts…
It’s about six months, isn’t it?
It’s about six months, isn’t it?
November 21, 2025 at 12:22 PM
I never know how long to rest in between workouts…
It’s about six months, isn’t it?
It’s about six months, isn’t it?
Reposted by Xalqee
[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first.
November 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first.
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I just found out that the wheels will fly off a shopping cart if you get it up over 20 mph.
June 25, 2025 at 1:48 PM
I just found out that the wheels will fly off a shopping cart if you get it up over 20 mph.
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I came. I saw. I came. I came again. I left quickly.
- me at an adult video store
- me at an adult video store
October 28, 2025 at 3:06 AM
I came. I saw. I came. I came again. I left quickly.
- me at an adult video store
- me at an adult video store
Reposted by Xalqee
they got away with the heist? I guess it's true....
Louvre is blind
Louvre is blind
October 21, 2025 at 8:16 PM
they got away with the heist? I guess it's true....
Louvre is blind
Louvre is blind
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Not to brag but I’ve already gained all my extra holiday weight early
October 21, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Not to brag but I’ve already gained all my extra holiday weight early
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ME: wouldn’t the kool aid mans glass body shatter before the brick wall busted apart?
GUY NEXT TO ME: seriously? literally every other urinal was open
GUY NEXT TO ME: seriously? literally every other urinal was open
October 19, 2025 at 2:15 AM
ME: wouldn’t the kool aid mans glass body shatter before the brick wall busted apart?
GUY NEXT TO ME: seriously? literally every other urinal was open
GUY NEXT TO ME: seriously? literally every other urinal was open
Reposted by Xalqee
Remember: It’s always more important to identify actors from their previous roles than it is to watch the current movie on your screen.
January 10, 2025 at 11:11 PM
Remember: It’s always more important to identify actors from their previous roles than it is to watch the current movie on your screen.
Reposted by Xalqee
Of course it’s easy to maintain friendships on the internet. We don’t have to take each other to the airport.
December 4, 2024 at 1:18 PM
Of course it’s easy to maintain friendships on the internet. We don’t have to take each other to the airport.
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I call them "Mastodoots."
*gets immediately banned from Mastodon*
*gets immediately banned from Mastodon*
October 10, 2025 at 12:04 AM
I call them "Mastodoots."
*gets immediately banned from Mastodon*
*gets immediately banned from Mastodon*
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I'm not flexible enough for a double entendre
October 7, 2025 at 2:25 PM
I'm not flexible enough for a double entendre
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I really thought I was gonna have to stop, drop and roll more in my life.
September 22, 2025 at 1:00 AM
I really thought I was gonna have to stop, drop and roll more in my life.
Reposted by Xalqee
I get my steps in by going back to get what I forgot and forgetting what I forgot again.
October 7, 2025 at 1:23 AM
I get my steps in by going back to get what I forgot and forgetting what I forgot again.
Reposted by Xalqee
Many say they want the hooba, and then complain about the stank.
October 2, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Many say they want the hooba, and then complain about the stank.
Out for a leisurely stroll outside my hotel and I’m visually assaulted with caulk and balls
October 4, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Out for a leisurely stroll outside my hotel and I’m visually assaulted with caulk and balls
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I love that happiness is so elusive, but you can find disappointment absolutely anywhere.
October 3, 2025 at 4:43 PM
I love that happiness is so elusive, but you can find disappointment absolutely anywhere.
Reposted by Xalqee
did the creator of Whac-a-Mole hate any other animals
June 20, 2025 at 1:08 AM
did the creator of Whac-a-Mole hate any other animals
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Feel like ‘slim chance’ and ‘fat chance’ should mean different things.
September 30, 2025 at 12:44 PM
Feel like ‘slim chance’ and ‘fat chance’ should mean different things.
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I am like if ‘jump to recipe’ was a person
September 27, 2025 at 8:46 PM
I am like if ‘jump to recipe’ was a person