Woody B
@woodyb.bsky.social
Fart joke enthusiast and overall ass butt. 🧻 I also play 🎸 and 🎙️ in Adrenalin; a Denver Pop/punk band. 🗿🤖👽👾
Reposted by Woody B
*walks into a Bath & Body Works* one working body please
November 5, 2025 at 7:15 PM
*walks into a Bath & Body Works* one working body please
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when I die put my body on the hot dog roller at 7-Eleven
June 1, 2025 at 1:25 AM
when I die put my body on the hot dog roller at 7-Eleven
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Mamdani isn't Middle Eastern. You racists are too dumb to even racist correctly.
November 7, 2025 at 11:43 PM
Mamdani isn't Middle Eastern. You racists are too dumb to even racist correctly.
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Interviewer: tell us about any specific skills you will bring to this role
Me:
Me:
July 17, 2025 at 9:05 PM
Interviewer: tell us about any specific skills you will bring to this role
Me:
Me:
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I respect your opinion because it doesn’t matter to me.
December 16, 2024 at 1:25 AM
I respect your opinion because it doesn’t matter to me.
Fuck you, but eat my candy!
May 22, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Fuck you, but eat my candy!
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neighborhood so affluent the owls say “Whom?”
April 24, 2025 at 2:18 AM
neighborhood so affluent the owls say “Whom?”
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PIRATE: Arrr! Arrr ye goin' to the mall later, matey? That's what I be askin'.
April 24, 2025 at 3:22 AM
PIRATE: Arrr! Arrr ye goin' to the mall later, matey? That's what I be askin'.
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YouTube’s play button doing the lord’s work
March 20, 2025 at 1:35 AM
YouTube’s play button doing the lord’s work
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Make sure your tray tables are stowed for takeoff and landing, otherwise the wings won't work
February 6, 2025 at 1:52 PM
Make sure your tray tables are stowed for takeoff and landing, otherwise the wings won't work
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Cop: First name please...
"Frida"
Cop: Last name...
"Gomam"
Cop: You're Frida Gomam?
*peels out*
Cop: Nice, nice
"Frida"
Cop: Last name...
"Gomam"
Cop: You're Frida Gomam?
*peels out*
Cop: Nice, nice
May 25, 2023 at 4:31 PM
Cop: First name please...
"Frida"
Cop: Last name...
"Gomam"
Cop: You're Frida Gomam?
*peels out*
Cop: Nice, nice
"Frida"
Cop: Last name...
"Gomam"
Cop: You're Frida Gomam?
*peels out*
Cop: Nice, nice
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*gets last year’s girlfriend out of the attic*
February 14, 2025 at 2:37 PM
*gets last year’s girlfriend out of the attic*
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[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
February 13, 2025 at 11:22 PM
[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
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Me hanging out with my friends.
February 15, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Me hanging out with my friends.
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I’ve once again electrocuted myself by tongue-moistening my fingers before turning the page of my electronic reader.
February 15, 2025 at 4:04 PM
I’ve once again electrocuted myself by tongue-moistening my fingers before turning the page of my electronic reader.
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interviewer: how are your listening skills?
me: absolutely
me: absolutely
January 15, 2025 at 8:19 PM
interviewer: how are your listening skills?
me: absolutely
me: absolutely
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Carrie Underwood is the Tanya Harding of country music
January 15, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Carrie Underwood is the Tanya Harding of country music
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told the janitor at work i think the bills can win the super bowl this year and came back to my desk to find a high powered fan blowing the “fumes out of my office”
January 15, 2025 at 2:53 PM
told the janitor at work i think the bills can win the super bowl this year and came back to my desk to find a high powered fan blowing the “fumes out of my office”
Reposted by Woody B
my lifestyle choices dictate that i only run if i'm being chased & only dance if i'm being tased
January 14, 2025 at 2:56 PM
my lifestyle choices dictate that i only run if i'm being chased & only dance if i'm being tased
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I’m studying the drone footage I have of your house and you really need to use more indigenous plants in your yard you’re wasting a frightening amount of water
May 23, 2024 at 2:38 PM
I’m studying the drone footage I have of your house and you really need to use more indigenous plants in your yard you’re wasting a frightening amount of water
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*crunching Doritos during a meditation*
January 12, 2025 at 4:01 AM
*crunching Doritos during a meditation*
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"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
- Fuck you
- Fuck you
January 14, 2025 at 9:41 AM
"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
- Fuck you
- Fuck you
Reposted by Woody B
I am popular with Sarah_[emoji] today!
January 13, 2025 at 10:37 PM
I am popular with Sarah_[emoji] today!
HER: I’d have sex with any guy at this point!
ME: I’m ANY guy!!!
HER: Sorry no, you’re THAT guy!
ME: I’m ANY guy!!!
HER: Sorry no, you’re THAT guy!
January 13, 2025 at 10:21 PM
HER: I’d have sex with any guy at this point!
ME: I’m ANY guy!!!
HER: Sorry no, you’re THAT guy!
ME: I’m ANY guy!!!
HER: Sorry no, you’re THAT guy!