@twitternotx.bsky.social
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squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
November 19, 2025 at 1:41 PM
squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
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it’s called the imperial march because they’re not meter soldiers
November 6, 2025 at 2:41 PM
it’s called the imperial march because they’re not meter soldiers
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happy "the car clock is finally correct" day to all who celebrate
November 2, 2025 at 3:57 PM
happy "the car clock is finally correct" day to all who celebrate
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Should be wearing a Greinke jersey as a show of solidarity between guys who got a 9-figure deal in LA after abandoning the Royals
I’ve got serious constitutional questions now
October 29, 2025 at 3:19 AM
Should be wearing a Greinke jersey as a show of solidarity between guys who got a 9-figure deal in LA after abandoning the Royals
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I totally have a hot girlfriend but you wouldn’t know her she’s from mastodon
October 29, 2025 at 2:43 AM
I totally have a hot girlfriend but you wouldn’t know her she’s from mastodon
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Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/
October 13, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/
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[whispering to date while watching 3 Women when the three women first appear together on screen]
That's three women
That's three women
September 24, 2025 at 8:32 PM
[whispering to date while watching 3 Women when the three women first appear together on screen]
That's three women
That's three women
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I know there's a lot of controversy about the Cracker Barrel logo, so I worked up a new option that should be good with everyone... The barrel is back, but it's now guarded by Scubble, The Cracker Goblin. I also worked up a new slogan for the company!
August 22, 2025 at 4:16 PM
I know there's a lot of controversy about the Cracker Barrel logo, so I worked up a new option that should be good with everyone... The barrel is back, but it's now guarded by Scubble, The Cracker Goblin. I also worked up a new slogan for the company!
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Okay I guess I can see why this new logo is controversial
August 22, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Okay I guess I can see why this new logo is controversial
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pretty smart to call them both because it might be a real ghost or it could just turn out to be some dude in a mask
July 22, 2025 at 12:57 PM
pretty smart to call them both because it might be a real ghost or it could just turn out to be some dude in a mask
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Keith Richards now has all the Highlander power
July 22, 2025 at 7:15 PM
Keith Richards now has all the Highlander power
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there you have it. bite the head off a bat and you've got 43 years left to live.
July 22, 2025 at 7:15 PM
there you have it. bite the head off a bat and you've got 43 years left to live.
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I learned how to play guitar so people would stop inviting me to go camping.
July 20, 2025 at 1:00 AM
I learned how to play guitar so people would stop inviting me to go camping.
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I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
July 19, 2025 at 12:45 PM
I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
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just finished reading 1984 for the first time and you guys aren’t gonna believe this shit—
July 7, 2025 at 7:55 PM
just finished reading 1984 for the first time and you guys aren’t gonna believe this shit—
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Whales accidentally eat 8 people in their sleep every year
July 3, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Whales accidentally eat 8 people in their sleep every year
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kirkland signature would be a beautiful name for a baby boy
July 5, 2025 at 8:38 PM
kirkland signature would be a beautiful name for a baby boy
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i miss the time in my life when the worst thing that happened was waking up too early on the weekends and having to watch davey and goliath until the good stuff came on
July 5, 2025 at 2:54 PM
i miss the time in my life when the worst thing that happened was waking up too early on the weekends and having to watch davey and goliath until the good stuff came on
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“wrecking ball” by miley cyrus
July 5, 2025 at 9:09 PM
“wrecking ball” by miley cyrus
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what song is he singing
July 5, 2025 at 4:10 PM
what song is he singing