Adam
@adamurb.bsky.social
Don’t get me wrong, but don’t get me right, either.
Here’s the rub ⤵️
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pdxybkcvl4yoe4rczp5r3cen/feed/aaak2h6q5xaqa
Here’s the rub ⤵️
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pdxybkcvl4yoe4rczp5r3cen/feed/aaak2h6q5xaqa
Pinned
Adam
@adamurb.bsky.social
· Jul 25
Me: (a new vampire) I still kinda want a hotdog
Reposted by Adam
Babies are so weak. You don't hear me crying every time I crap my pants
November 11, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Babies are so weak. You don't hear me crying every time I crap my pants
I’m trying to get really good at yelling “HELL YEAH” when I sneeze.
November 10, 2025 at 11:46 PM
I’m trying to get really good at yelling “HELL YEAH” when I sneeze.
“Oh, what tangled webs we weave,” I say, as I try to figure out which of my outdated AirPods go with which case.
November 7, 2025 at 1:02 PM
“Oh, what tangled webs we weave,” I say, as I try to figure out which of my outdated AirPods go with which case.
Reposted by Adam
ok wow they sure give you lots of extra skin as you age
November 6, 2025 at 11:35 PM
ok wow they sure give you lots of extra skin as you age
Reposted by Adam
One time I called whale sounds 'Depth Metal' and now I'm banned from every meditation group in my town.
November 6, 2025 at 10:44 PM
One time I called whale sounds 'Depth Metal' and now I'm banned from every meditation group in my town.
Imagine swindling the Indians out of the island of Manhattan, just to have the muppets take it some years later.
November 4, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Imagine swindling the Indians out of the island of Manhattan, just to have the muppets take it some years later.
Reposted by Adam
Chaos is my favourite word that's spelled like it means it.
November 3, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Chaos is my favourite word that's spelled like it means it.
Reposted by Adam
I set my clock back two hours last year, so I'm all set
November 2, 2025 at 11:08 PM
I set my clock back two hours last year, so I'm all set
Don’t forget to plant your unused baseballs from this season so they can grow into a baseball tree before next season that occasionally grabs its crotch and spits.
November 2, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Don’t forget to plant your unused baseballs from this season so they can grow into a baseball tree before next season that occasionally grabs its crotch and spits.
Reposted by Adam
now that baseball is over, i return ownership of my mental health to where it belongs: in custody of the 22-year-olds at Arsenal Football Club
November 2, 2025 at 6:36 PM
now that baseball is over, i return ownership of my mental health to where it belongs: in custody of the 22-year-olds at Arsenal Football Club
Reposted by Adam
Toronto, you will not taste victory until you sacrifice Drake
November 2, 2025 at 4:24 AM
Toronto, you will not taste victory until you sacrifice Drake
Reposted by Adam
Horror season isn't over. Thanksgiving get-togethers are a few weeks away
November 2, 2025 at 12:13 AM
Horror season isn't over. Thanksgiving get-togethers are a few weeks away
Reposted by Adam
Please don't say hello to me if I am not wearing my hello pants.
October 28, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Please don't say hello to me if I am not wearing my hello pants.
Mechanic: (pulling something slimy out of the engine of the magic school bus) here’s your problem it’s a giant mitochondria
November 1, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Mechanic: (pulling something slimy out of the engine of the magic school bus) here’s your problem it’s a giant mitochondria
Reposted by Adam
Arlo remains suspicious of Halloween, as the "trick or treat, smell my feet" method determined these were not even real bones
November 1, 2025 at 11:13 AM
Arlo remains suspicious of Halloween, as the "trick or treat, smell my feet" method determined these were not even real bones
Reposted by Adam
Last night I had the option to hand out candy or turn off all the lights and hoard.
I stand by my decision.
I stand by my decision.
November 1, 2025 at 1:17 PM
Last night I had the option to hand out candy or turn off all the lights and hoard.
I stand by my decision.
I stand by my decision.
Me: (on a road trip in the family Dragula) STOP SLAMMING IN THE BACK, ROB
October 31, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Me: (on a road trip in the family Dragula) STOP SLAMMING IN THE BACK, ROB
Reposted by Adam
The white ashtray bags certainly do not help 🏆👑 Congratulations @adamurb.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴☠️
My neighbor has a French bulldog and all it does is smoke cigarettes and surrender.
October 30, 2025 at 3:55 AM
The white ashtray bags certainly do not help 🏆👑 Congratulations @adamurb.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴☠️
Reposted by Adam
Does the tooth fairy give money for adult teeth that aren't your own? I just found a ton in this waffle house parking lot
October 29, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Does the tooth fairy give money for adult teeth that aren't your own? I just found a ton in this waffle house parking lot
Reposted by Adam
I licked your Bsky crush. You can have him back now.
October 30, 2025 at 2:11 PM
I licked your Bsky crush. You can have him back now.
Reposted by Adam
I'm not passionate about sporps but I'm vaguely pleased that our batch of non-Canadian sporpsball mercenaries out-sporpsed the other city's sporpsball mercenaries
October 25, 2025 at 3:56 AM
I'm not passionate about sporps but I'm vaguely pleased that our batch of non-Canadian sporpsball mercenaries out-sporpsed the other city's sporpsball mercenaries
Day 107: still standing outside the municipal water supply, shouting at anyone who will listen about the need for pumpkin spice in the tap water
October 23, 2025 at 10:14 AM
Day 107: still standing outside the municipal water supply, shouting at anyone who will listen about the need for pumpkin spice in the tap water
Reposted by Adam
i got a couple birds in the bush and i'm counting their eggs, or however the saying goes
October 22, 2025 at 8:16 PM
i got a couple birds in the bush and i'm counting their eggs, or however the saying goes
Reposted by Adam
Why are they called worker bees and not swarmtroopers
October 22, 2025 at 6:47 PM
Why are they called worker bees and not swarmtroopers
Reposted by Adam
Seeing a bat is so exciting even more so when it flies out of your underpants
October 22, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Seeing a bat is so exciting even more so when it flies out of your underpants