@toejamfutures.bsky.social
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they say it was getting run over by a car that killed my grandpa. but i know it was seed oils
December 7, 2025 at 5:48 AM
they say it was getting run over by a car that killed my grandpa. but i know it was seed oils
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doing the dishes in my sink so the guy coming to fix my heating doesn’t know i eat breakfast
November 25, 2025 at 1:24 PM
doing the dishes in my sink so the guy coming to fix my heating doesn’t know i eat breakfast
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Demi overheard a British woman in Japan. From bigsofttitty.png ep 352 - I crave release
November 13, 2025 at 3:50 AM
Demi overheard a British woman in Japan. From bigsofttitty.png ep 352 - I crave release
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Sick to my stomach that the President being mixed up with a horrifying global network of pedophiles is considered a 'voter issue' and not something the whole world needs to know about and people need to be prosecuted for.
Only reason anyone would want people to ignore Epstein is if you're involved
Only reason anyone would want people to ignore Epstein is if you're involved
The usual suspects are telling Dems that Epstein won’t win elections, get back to “affordability” and I think my head might explode. www.offmessage.net/p/force-a-re...
Force A Referendum On The Epstein Coverup
It divides Republicans much more than "affordability" or any other economic issue.
www.offmessage.net
November 15, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Sick to my stomach that the President being mixed up with a horrifying global network of pedophiles is considered a 'voter issue' and not something the whole world needs to know about and people need to be prosecuted for.
Only reason anyone would want people to ignore Epstein is if you're involved
Only reason anyone would want people to ignore Epstein is if you're involved
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They were selling heavily discounted frozen pizzas at the grocery store and I grabbed so many in my arms that an employee saw me and was momentarily alarmed until a look of sadness crossed her face
November 6, 2025 at 8:43 PM
They were selling heavily discounted frozen pizzas at the grocery store and I grabbed so many in my arms that an employee saw me and was momentarily alarmed until a look of sadness crossed her face
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Best sign I saw today
October 18, 2025 at 5:43 PM
Best sign I saw today
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this is the classic power move of a manager who works about an hour a day but wants to create the impression they are working from sunrise to sunset
News: Bari Weiss just sent a memo to staffers at CBS News asking them to produce a memo explaining "how you spend your working hours—and ideally, what you've made (or are making) that you're most proud of."
One CBS News staffer puts it like this to me: "We just got Elon Musked."
One CBS News staffer puts it like this to me: "We just got Elon Musked."
October 10, 2025 at 2:43 PM
this is the classic power move of a manager who works about an hour a day but wants to create the impression they are working from sunrise to sunset
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Like a lot of things with RFK Jr if someone just said this to you and wasn’t in charge of medicine in America you’d go: ooooooookay and keep pressing the elevator button
Besides linking Tylenol in pregnant women to autism, RFK Jr. now says circumcision is part of the reason why kids are autistic.
"Children who are circumcised early have double the rate of autism, and it's highly likely because they're given Tylenol. None of this is positive..."
"Children who are circumcised early have double the rate of autism, and it's highly likely because they're given Tylenol. None of this is positive..."
October 9, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Like a lot of things with RFK Jr if someone just said this to you and wasn’t in charge of medicine in America you’d go: ooooooookay and keep pressing the elevator button
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Portland is so good at trolling these fascists.
I ❤️ Portland
I ❤️ Portland
October 9, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Portland is so good at trolling these fascists.
I ❤️ Portland
I ❤️ Portland
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if you are in Seattle and you drive by my house prepare for the fright of your life
October 5, 2025 at 7:18 PM
if you are in Seattle and you drive by my house prepare for the fright of your life
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Jordan Peterson has somehow come down with a crippling combination of consumption, Dutch elm disease, "wandering scrotum" and zebra mussels. He is being shipped via barge to a "health palace" in Macedonia where he will be submerged in Windex
August 15, 2025 at 6:21 AM
Jordan Peterson has somehow come down with a crippling combination of consumption, Dutch elm disease, "wandering scrotum" and zebra mussels. He is being shipped via barge to a "health palace" in Macedonia where he will be submerged in Windex
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YODA: circumcised are you
ME: That's a private matter, Yoda.
YODA: absent of skin a jedi must be
ME: Not interested. Go away, Yoda.
YODA: take off your shorts you must
YODA: show it to me you will
YODA: going where are you
YODA: your penis I must see
YODA: cut your long pink pipe must be
YODA: mmMm
ME: That's a private matter, Yoda.
YODA: absent of skin a jedi must be
ME: Not interested. Go away, Yoda.
YODA: take off your shorts you must
YODA: show it to me you will
YODA: going where are you
YODA: your penis I must see
YODA: cut your long pink pipe must be
YODA: mmMm
October 2, 2025 at 4:01 AM
YODA: circumcised are you
ME: That's a private matter, Yoda.
YODA: absent of skin a jedi must be
ME: Not interested. Go away, Yoda.
YODA: take off your shorts you must
YODA: show it to me you will
YODA: going where are you
YODA: your penis I must see
YODA: cut your long pink pipe must be
YODA: mmMm
ME: That's a private matter, Yoda.
YODA: absent of skin a jedi must be
ME: Not interested. Go away, Yoda.
YODA: take off your shorts you must
YODA: show it to me you will
YODA: going where are you
YODA: your penis I must see
YODA: cut your long pink pipe must be
YODA: mmMm
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fifty years after the second nuremberg trials there are gonna be kids going into their grandfathers basement and finding these in carefully hidden display cases
September 27, 2025 at 11:20 PM
fifty years after the second nuremberg trials there are gonna be kids going into their grandfathers basement and finding these in carefully hidden display cases
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@christophernolan.bsky.social Hello sir. I am jacking off to Batman Begins.
September 23, 2025 at 2:34 AM
@christophernolan.bsky.social Hello sir. I am jacking off to Batman Begins.
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"We have to cancel kristallnacht 2.0 because the guy was one of the people we were grooming to take part in it" is a heck of a twist to be sure
September 13, 2025 at 8:57 AM
"We have to cancel kristallnacht 2.0 because the guy was one of the people we were grooming to take part in it" is a heck of a twist to be sure
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DONALD TRUMP: Don’t worry, folks - I was actually only being a pedophile on behalf of the FBI.
INSANE QANON GUY: [nodding]
INSANE QANON GUY: [nodding]
September 5, 2025 at 10:38 PM
DONALD TRUMP: Don’t worry, folks - I was actually only being a pedophile on behalf of the FBI.
INSANE QANON GUY: [nodding]
INSANE QANON GUY: [nodding]
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![A tweet from me from May 11, 2015, after it was announced that Tom Brady would be suspended for four games to start the 2016 season:
REPORTER: Who's your starter?
BELICHICK: We signed a veteran from the Turkish league, Tmo Bardy.
BRADY: [in black beard, caftan] Merhaba.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:x6l3uz63jjt43tcaif7tdvgj/bafkreid2an7dc3nalstqvvn6p6bjeu7ri2azrn5ll5itegvyum5vbdgsla@jpeg)
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A man buys a newspaper every day, looks at the front, throws it away.
After a few weeks, the seller asks, "Don't you ever look inside?"
"I'm looking for an obituary."
"Those are in back!"
"No, this one will be on the front page. Its for the great clown Pagliacci."
Can you guess who the man was?
After a few weeks, the seller asks, "Don't you ever look inside?"
"I'm looking for an obituary."
"Those are in back!"
"No, this one will be on the front page. Its for the great clown Pagliacci."
Can you guess who the man was?
August 26, 2025 at 2:21 PM
A man buys a newspaper every day, looks at the front, throws it away.
After a few weeks, the seller asks, "Don't you ever look inside?"
"I'm looking for an obituary."
"Those are in back!"
"No, this one will be on the front page. Its for the great clown Pagliacci."
Can you guess who the man was?
After a few weeks, the seller asks, "Don't you ever look inside?"
"I'm looking for an obituary."
"Those are in back!"
"No, this one will be on the front page. Its for the great clown Pagliacci."
Can you guess who the man was?
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i'm the guy who invented the spike traps that pop out of temple walls. i hate my job. every day my boss says "why haven't we killed any archeologists" and i say "they haven't invented that yet." they pay me in tomb juice. i hate tomb juice. honestly i might just start working on my big boulder idea
August 25, 2025 at 12:44 AM
i'm the guy who invented the spike traps that pop out of temple walls. i hate my job. every day my boss says "why haven't we killed any archeologists" and i say "they haven't invented that yet." they pay me in tomb juice. i hate tomb juice. honestly i might just start working on my big boulder idea
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Don’t carry your balloon through this neighborhood bro. Put it in your backpack until we get back to the Airbnb
August 25, 2025 at 5:56 AM
Don’t carry your balloon through this neighborhood bro. Put it in your backpack until we get back to the Airbnb
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I love to show up every day for my job, which is standing around holding the front of my tactical vest and getting told to choke to death by thousands of passers-by while 11 of my coworkers handcuff a roofer on his way to work. Every night I drive 80 minutes home, thinking about nothing at all.
August 19, 2025 at 3:16 AM
I love to show up every day for my job, which is standing around holding the front of my tactical vest and getting told to choke to death by thousands of passers-by while 11 of my coworkers handcuff a roofer on his way to work. Every night I drive 80 minutes home, thinking about nothing at all.
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most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
April 27, 2023 at 7:19 PM
most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
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CNN's KFile can now disclose footage of Jesse Farrar dancing in Boyz II Men clothes in a New Jack Swing style in a New York nightclub in 1993 alongside infamous terrorist financier Osama Bin Laden--raising questions about the length and depth of the pair's historic friendship.
July 23, 2025 at 3:16 PM
CNN's KFile can now disclose footage of Jesse Farrar dancing in Boyz II Men clothes in a New Jack Swing style in a New York nightclub in 1993 alongside infamous terrorist financier Osama Bin Laden--raising questions about the length and depth of the pair's historic friendship.
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when the jewel falls off of your butt plug and rolls out your pant leg and bounces loudly 11 floors down the stairwell <<<<<<<
July 24, 2025 at 1:58 AM
when the jewel falls off of your butt plug and rolls out your pant leg and bounces loudly 11 floors down the stairwell <<<<<<<