Mattzarella
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splat-man.bsky.social
Mattzarella
@splat-man.bsky.social
my apologies…i was under the assumption that i understood things
Reposted by Mattzarella
it’s kinda weird how often I fuck up swallowing

beverages, jeez
November 16, 2025 at 5:02 PM
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I think making weed legal Federally is a missed campaign opportunity
*smokes a bowl
November 15, 2025 at 11:21 PM
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ill take the whole enchilada jokes are why the service industry requires cocaine.
November 16, 2025 at 12:47 AM
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I would let you pull my hair
November 16, 2025 at 12:44 AM
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Happy Caturday

(he’s studying Russian literature)
November 15, 2025 at 10:02 PM
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Co worker: I’m happy to announce that I’m pregnant
Me: wow, brag a little more about having sex recently, Susan
November 15, 2025 at 4:10 PM
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As the mom of a 15 year old daughter, if you're an adult and have an attraction to my kid or you look or behave like you have any interest or thoughts about acting on it, I won't be afraid to end you. I don't care what kind of "philia" you want to call it. She's a child
November 15, 2025 at 7:17 PM
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so apparently 15yos are all lolitas preying on these men and are also old enough to be tried as an adult for a crime but can’t decide their own gender affirming care oh ok
November 15, 2025 at 9:08 PM
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This could be us, but you're not a fungi
November 15, 2025 at 6:37 PM
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Apologizing to my boss that I haven’t tweeted about him in awhile
November 15, 2025 at 4:51 AM
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Moving to the tropics just because no one would be dumb enough to build a data center there.
November 14, 2025 at 11:44 PM
what’s a little drool in the bong among friends?
November 15, 2025 at 2:36 AM
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watching Milli Vanilli videos just to feel something
November 13, 2025 at 7:02 PM
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when you know its not minge but try it anyways.
November 13, 2025 at 11:58 AM
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do you ever wonder if you just don’t have what it takes anymore to do things like fight the entrenched power or get out of bed
November 13, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Gojira - Born in Winter
Listen to Born in Winter on TIDAL
tidal.com
November 13, 2025 at 7:04 AM
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My central nervous system is a nervous system
November 13, 2025 at 3:08 AM
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You’re at Bogie

I need you at Bacall
You’re at Tango

I need you at Cash
you're at butch

i need you at sundance
November 13, 2025 at 3:22 AM
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Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
November 13, 2025 at 1:55 AM
pretty humpless for a hump day is all i’m sayin’
November 13, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Goon a movie

“Goon Club”
Goon a movie

“Goon Girl”
Goon a movie

"Top Goon"
November 12, 2025 at 11:00 PM
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Goon a movie

“Goon Girl”
November 12, 2025 at 10:52 PM
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just read llamas are humpless camels. im changing my name to llama.
November 12, 2025 at 11:46 AM
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Hump day? More like when will this week be over day
November 12, 2025 at 2:23 PM
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More snacks, less people.
November 11, 2025 at 10:39 PM