Mattzarella
@splat-man.bsky.social
my apologies…i was under the assumption that i understood things
Reposted by Mattzarella
it’s kinda weird how often I fuck up swallowing
beverages, jeez
beverages, jeez
November 16, 2025 at 5:02 PM
it’s kinda weird how often I fuck up swallowing
beverages, jeez
beverages, jeez
Reposted by Mattzarella
I think making weed legal Federally is a missed campaign opportunity
*smokes a bowl
*smokes a bowl
November 15, 2025 at 11:21 PM
I think making weed legal Federally is a missed campaign opportunity
*smokes a bowl
*smokes a bowl
Reposted by Mattzarella
ill take the whole enchilada jokes are why the service industry requires cocaine.
November 16, 2025 at 12:47 AM
ill take the whole enchilada jokes are why the service industry requires cocaine.
Reposted by Mattzarella
I would let you pull my hair
November 16, 2025 at 12:44 AM
I would let you pull my hair
Reposted by Mattzarella
Happy Caturday
(he’s studying Russian literature)
(he’s studying Russian literature)
November 15, 2025 at 10:02 PM
Happy Caturday
(he’s studying Russian literature)
(he’s studying Russian literature)
Reposted by Mattzarella
Co worker: I’m happy to announce that I’m pregnant
Me: wow, brag a little more about having sex recently, Susan
Me: wow, brag a little more about having sex recently, Susan
November 15, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Co worker: I’m happy to announce that I’m pregnant
Me: wow, brag a little more about having sex recently, Susan
Me: wow, brag a little more about having sex recently, Susan
Reposted by Mattzarella
As the mom of a 15 year old daughter, if you're an adult and have an attraction to my kid or you look or behave like you have any interest or thoughts about acting on it, I won't be afraid to end you. I don't care what kind of "philia" you want to call it. She's a child
November 15, 2025 at 7:17 PM
As the mom of a 15 year old daughter, if you're an adult and have an attraction to my kid or you look or behave like you have any interest or thoughts about acting on it, I won't be afraid to end you. I don't care what kind of "philia" you want to call it. She's a child
Reposted by Mattzarella
so apparently 15yos are all lolitas preying on these men and are also old enough to be tried as an adult for a crime but can’t decide their own gender affirming care oh ok
November 15, 2025 at 9:08 PM
so apparently 15yos are all lolitas preying on these men and are also old enough to be tried as an adult for a crime but can’t decide their own gender affirming care oh ok
Reposted by Mattzarella
This could be us, but you're not a fungi
November 15, 2025 at 6:37 PM
This could be us, but you're not a fungi
Reposted by Mattzarella
Apologizing to my boss that I haven’t tweeted about him in awhile
November 15, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Apologizing to my boss that I haven’t tweeted about him in awhile
Reposted by Mattzarella
Moving to the tropics just because no one would be dumb enough to build a data center there.
November 14, 2025 at 11:44 PM
Moving to the tropics just because no one would be dumb enough to build a data center there.
what’s a little drool in the bong among friends?
November 15, 2025 at 2:36 AM
what’s a little drool in the bong among friends?
Reposted by Mattzarella
watching Milli Vanilli videos just to feel something
November 13, 2025 at 7:02 PM
watching Milli Vanilli videos just to feel something
Reposted by Mattzarella
when you know its not minge but try it anyways.
November 13, 2025 at 11:58 AM
when you know its not minge but try it anyways.
Reposted by Mattzarella
do you ever wonder if you just don’t have what it takes anymore to do things like fight the entrenched power or get out of bed
November 13, 2025 at 12:48 PM
do you ever wonder if you just don’t have what it takes anymore to do things like fight the entrenched power or get out of bed
Reposted by Mattzarella
My central nervous system is a nervous system
November 13, 2025 at 3:08 AM
My central nervous system is a nervous system
Reposted by Mattzarella
You’re at Bogie
I need you at Bacall
I need you at Bacall
You’re at Tango
I need you at Cash
I need you at Cash
you're at butch
i need you at sundance
i need you at sundance
November 13, 2025 at 3:22 AM
You’re at Bogie
I need you at Bacall
I need you at Bacall
Reposted by Mattzarella
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
November 13, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
pretty humpless for a hump day is all i’m sayin’
November 13, 2025 at 1:51 AM
pretty humpless for a hump day is all i’m sayin’
Goon a movie
“Goon Club”
“Goon Club”
Goon a movie
“Goon Girl”
“Goon Girl”
Goon a movie
"Top Goon"
"Top Goon"
November 12, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Goon a movie
“Goon Club”
“Goon Club”
Reposted by Mattzarella
Goon a movie
“Goon Girl”
“Goon Girl”
Goon a movie
"Top Goon"
"Top Goon"
Goon a movie
Gune
Gune
November 12, 2025 at 10:52 PM
Goon a movie
“Goon Girl”
“Goon Girl”
Reposted by Mattzarella
just read llamas are humpless camels. im changing my name to llama.
November 12, 2025 at 11:46 AM
just read llamas are humpless camels. im changing my name to llama.
Reposted by Mattzarella
Hump day? More like when will this week be over day
November 12, 2025 at 2:23 PM
Hump day? More like when will this week be over day
Reposted by Mattzarella
More snacks, less people.
November 11, 2025 at 10:39 PM
More snacks, less people.