Maria
@porkandcheese80.bsky.social
I only have one thumb, so I could never play Fonzie in a Happy Days remake.
Etobicoke Ernie ❤️
Etobicoke Ernie ❤️
Pinned
Maria
@porkandcheese80.bsky.social
· Apr 11
My 7 yr old nephew asked me if I’ve ever smoked crack before. WTF are his parents letting him watch on TV?
Reposted by Maria
Since no one does it anymore, I just sexually harass myself.
October 5, 2025 at 12:21 PM
Since no one does it anymore, I just sexually harass myself.
Reposted by Maria
There's no life problem that a good "Fuck this shit" can't solve.
June 22, 2025 at 1:51 PM
There's no life problem that a good "Fuck this shit" can't solve.
Reposted by Maria
I taught my kids one valuable rule. Never forget about Dre
June 13, 2025 at 11:37 PM
I taught my kids one valuable rule. Never forget about Dre
Reposted by Maria
Louis Vuitton's Spring line is featured under my eyes this morning.
June 13, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Louis Vuitton's Spring line is featured under my eyes this morning.
Reposted by Maria
I was a gifted child and I have been re-gifted many times since.
June 13, 2025 at 8:49 PM
I was a gifted child and I have been re-gifted many times since.
Reposted by Maria
Wife: I have good news and bad news.
Me: What's the good?
Wife: I lost 5 lbs.
Me: I'm happy for you! And the bad?
Wife: It all came out of my boobs.
Me: Oh, I'm sad for both of us.
Me: What's the good?
Wife: I lost 5 lbs.
Me: I'm happy for you! And the bad?
Wife: It all came out of my boobs.
Me: Oh, I'm sad for both of us.
June 14, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Wife: I have good news and bad news.
Me: What's the good?
Wife: I lost 5 lbs.
Me: I'm happy for you! And the bad?
Wife: It all came out of my boobs.
Me: Oh, I'm sad for both of us.
Me: What's the good?
Wife: I lost 5 lbs.
Me: I'm happy for you! And the bad?
Wife: It all came out of my boobs.
Me: Oh, I'm sad for both of us.
Reposted by Maria
My sister joined a lesbian fitness group and calls it "running with scissors".
June 14, 2025 at 7:58 PM
My sister joined a lesbian fitness group and calls it "running with scissors".
Reposted by Maria
Your friends can’t disappoint you if you don’t have any [inspirational]
June 12, 2025 at 12:09 PM
Your friends can’t disappoint you if you don’t have any [inspirational]
When I was a kid my brother convinced me that fibreglass insulation was cotton candy.
June 13, 2025 at 7:46 PM
When I was a kid my brother convinced me that fibreglass insulation was cotton candy.
Reposted by Maria
Might quit my job and become a full time problem
June 12, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Might quit my job and become a full time problem
Reposted by Maria
Being nice is getting me nowhere from now on I shall be evil instead
June 8, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Being nice is getting me nowhere from now on I shall be evil instead
Reposted by Maria
DATE: So what do you do?
ME: I'm the town crier.
HER: Oh cool, so have you got a bell?
ME: *starting to sob* I do not
ME: I'm the town crier.
HER: Oh cool, so have you got a bell?
ME: *starting to sob* I do not
June 12, 2025 at 8:02 PM
DATE: So what do you do?
ME: I'm the town crier.
HER: Oh cool, so have you got a bell?
ME: *starting to sob* I do not
ME: I'm the town crier.
HER: Oh cool, so have you got a bell?
ME: *starting to sob* I do not
Reposted by Maria
I'm sweating like a fat guy that went outside on a hot day.
Oh.
Oh.
June 12, 2025 at 6:45 PM
I'm sweating like a fat guy that went outside on a hot day.
Oh.
Oh.
Reposted by Maria
Maybe she's born with it.
Maybe it's functional alcoholism.
Maybe it's functional alcoholism.
June 12, 2025 at 12:22 PM
Maybe she's born with it.
Maybe it's functional alcoholism.
Maybe it's functional alcoholism.
Reposted by Maria
scan this QR code if you’d like to transfer yourself to a different reality
June 12, 2025 at 2:41 PM
scan this QR code if you’d like to transfer yourself to a different reality
Reposted by Maria
The Real Housewives of This Stupid Fucking Apartment Complex
June 12, 2025 at 2:53 AM
The Real Housewives of This Stupid Fucking Apartment Complex
Reposted by Maria
Turn on: Up against the wall.
Turn off: You’re under arrest.
Turn off: You’re under arrest.
June 8, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Turn on: Up against the wall.
Turn off: You’re under arrest.
Turn off: You’re under arrest.
Reposted by Maria
This is the kind of place where the customer is frequently wrong.
June 11, 2025 at 11:13 AM
This is the kind of place where the customer is frequently wrong.
I’m going to gain 200 pounds so I can become a sumo wrestler.
June 11, 2025 at 9:43 PM
I’m going to gain 200 pounds so I can become a sumo wrestler.
Reposted by Maria
Remember when that guy fucked a pie?
June 11, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Remember when that guy fucked a pie?
Reposted by Maria
pretty sure if i ever had to replace the light bulb on the inside of my microwave that i’d just buy a new microwave
June 11, 2025 at 7:23 PM
pretty sure if i ever had to replace the light bulb on the inside of my microwave that i’d just buy a new microwave