crabby daddy dave
@crabbydaddy.bsky.social
crabbydacrab from twitter
<something witty>
mildly amusing musings when high
we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️🌈
<something witty>
mildly amusing musings when high
we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️🌈
Pinned
Sometimes I feel as if we’re all Schrodinger's cat.
full of chocolate and bad choices
February 1, 2026 at 4:23 PM
full of chocolate and bad choices
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
I’m living the good life, in which I wake up at 7:00 AM to find dried icing on my phone screen from my 1:00 AM cinnamon roll and doom scroll session
February 1, 2026 at 1:27 PM
I’m living the good life, in which I wake up at 7:00 AM to find dried icing on my phone screen from my 1:00 AM cinnamon roll and doom scroll session
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
Just once I would like to put a whole fish in my mouth and pull out a perfectly intact skeleton. Is it too much to ask?
February 1, 2026 at 2:53 PM
Just once I would like to put a whole fish in my mouth and pull out a perfectly intact skeleton. Is it too much to ask?
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
I'm not sure why some people become so mean when they drink alcohol. When I get drunk all I want to do is get naked & eat tacos.
February 1, 2026 at 1:27 PM
I'm not sure why some people become so mean when they drink alcohol. When I get drunk all I want to do is get naked & eat tacos.
we don’t hear about as many rascals as we used to
February 1, 2026 at 3:32 PM
we don’t hear about as many rascals as we used to
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
Pronunciation-wise, February is the Wednesday of months
February 1, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Pronunciation-wise, February is the Wednesday of months
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
This is all because those Brady kids messed with that tiki in Hawaii.
January 17, 2026 at 9:40 PM
This is all because those Brady kids messed with that tiki in Hawaii.
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
eating chocolate because fuck February
February 1, 2026 at 2:26 PM
eating chocolate because fuck February
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
Statistically, right now somewhere in the world, a man in a thin black tie has a cigarette dangling from his mouth while he’s pouring coffee into a white styrofoam cup.
February 1, 2026 at 3:11 PM
Statistically, right now somewhere in the world, a man in a thin black tie has a cigarette dangling from his mouth while he’s pouring coffee into a white styrofoam cup.
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
At my party you’ll enjoy a string quartet*
*4 packets of string cheese
*4 packets of string cheese
February 1, 2026 at 2:05 PM
At my party you’ll enjoy a string quartet*
*4 packets of string cheese
*4 packets of string cheese
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
This day in history. 1952. In the UK the first TV detector van was unveiled, to be used to menace those with unlicensed TV sets. In Canada we had the same thing but for unlicensed personal Zambonis.
February 1, 2026 at 10:19 AM
This day in history. 1952. In the UK the first TV detector van was unveiled, to be used to menace those with unlicensed TV sets. In Canada we had the same thing but for unlicensed personal Zambonis.
go to a concert that starts at 8 pm when it’s 12 degrees?
there’s nothing i would rather not do
there’s nothing i would rather not do
February 1, 2026 at 3:01 AM
go to a concert that starts at 8 pm when it’s 12 degrees?
there’s nothing i would rather not do
there’s nothing i would rather not do
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
i dont wanna mute shitposts but im about to mute the word shitposts
January 31, 2026 at 12:32 PM
i dont wanna mute shitposts but im about to mute the word shitposts
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
the wedding pact but instead of getting married we pay for each other's prostitutes
January 31, 2026 at 12:45 PM
the wedding pact but instead of getting married we pay for each other's prostitutes
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
worst nightmare ever last night. commitment called and it was coming from inside the house.
January 31, 2026 at 1:24 PM
worst nightmare ever last night. commitment called and it was coming from inside the house.
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
ask not what hamburger helper can do for you, ask what you can do for hamburger helper
January 30, 2026 at 5:34 PM
ask not what hamburger helper can do for you, ask what you can do for hamburger helper
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
now’s not the time to reignite the cola wars Pepsi. we’re fighting enough battles as it is
January 30, 2026 at 4:18 PM
now’s not the time to reignite the cola wars Pepsi. we’re fighting enough battles as it is
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
i'll buy hamburger helper when hamburger buys me something
January 31, 2026 at 1:32 PM
i'll buy hamburger helper when hamburger buys me something
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
if you’ve noticed the uptick in my hooker posts, you’re right, birthday coming up
January 31, 2026 at 1:36 PM
if you’ve noticed the uptick in my hooker posts, you’re right, birthday coming up
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
reverse cowgirl because your uncanny valley is terrifying during sex
January 31, 2026 at 3:23 PM
reverse cowgirl because your uncanny valley is terrifying during sex
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
am i the asshole
my asshole: sometimes
my asshole: sometimes
January 30, 2026 at 8:59 PM
am i the asshole
my asshole: sometimes
my asshole: sometimes
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
You: [checks driveway]
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
February 1, 2026 at 2:02 AM
You: [checks driveway]
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
You: [locks doors]
You: [checks house to make sure you're alone]
You: [opens a bottle of wine]
Me: [rolls out from under couch] WHAT WE CLASSY MUTHAFUCKAS CELEBRATIN’
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
In the darkest times, may the silliest things amuse you.
January 31, 2026 at 7:56 PM
In the darkest times, may the silliest things amuse you.
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
Love hasn't died when you can't bear to look at someone's picture anymore; it's dead when you can.
January 31, 2026 at 7:20 PM
Love hasn't died when you can't bear to look at someone's picture anymore; it's dead when you can.
Reposted by crabby daddy dave
what if you got the zoomies when you got horny i’d be so skinny
January 31, 2026 at 8:17 AM
what if you got the zoomies when you got horny i’d be so skinny