Pivo
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bautanist.bsky.social
Pivo
@bautanist.bsky.social
More stressed out by all this than he appears and also whiter

Pivo wuz here ↓
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2fabfdib5f6msbbja2mph5su/feed/aaamsn3rcxpzo
Pinned
*taunting a fire by holding a marshmallow 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 out of reach*
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I feel like maybe it’s a function of everyone online being born in 2002 but I don’t think most people realize how openly and explicitly pedophilic american culture was until like… maybe 10 years ago
Someone found an mp3 of the creepy "Jailbait" song Olivia Nuzzi released when she was 16 🫣
November 19, 2025 at 7:51 PM
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the fact I can say “countdown clock“ and you can instantly think of about a dozen teenage girl celebrities should about sum it up
November 19, 2025 at 7:52 PM
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In a way, reality has become much more like a horror movie lately. Everyone is on edge, no one really knows how things are going to go in the future and of course, the werewolves.
November 19, 2025 at 9:17 PM
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NEW: Brad Lander says he wants a trial, not a deal to drop his charge stemming from an arrest by ICE.
After Arrest by ICE, City Comptroller Rejects Deal and Seeks Trial
Other officials arrested while protesting at 26 Federal Plaza in September will have their federal charges dropped if they avoid arrest inside a federal building for six months.
www.thecity.nyc
November 18, 2025 at 8:37 PM
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mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one
November 18, 2025 at 1:10 PM
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You can drill a hole in a bicycle frame and fill it to the brim with cheddar & broccoli soup and then weld the hole shut and paint over it. Nobody has to know
November 18, 2025 at 1:32 PM
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friend i haven't seen in 3 years: yo what's up man

me: i saw an air conditioner fall on a guy's head

friend: did it kill him

me: yeah completely i gotta go good seeing you
November 17, 2025 at 7:42 PM
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when you have pizza for the first time after dieting for a while
November 17, 2025 at 8:02 PM
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A Snail is Born
November 17, 2025 at 9:01 PM
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I’ll hang my little gloves wherever I LIKE
November 17, 2025 at 10:03 PM
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Free speech is more than me being allowed to say what I want. Everyone also has to like it and tell me I'm a smart and handsome boy
November 18, 2025 at 12:13 AM
I think I just realized why my surgeon blocked me
She wrote the joke, fella. Don't explain it back to her. Do you text your surgeon explaining how to remove your gallbladder?
November 17, 2025 at 11:42 PM
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With things being as they are, CBS/Paramount+ should pivot with their crime and police dramas to comedy.

Making "FBI" into a comedy series just feels right. Let the hijinks reflect the times!
November 16, 2025 at 8:50 PM
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Today Doodle decided to be the same size as Dipper
November 16, 2025 at 5:53 PM
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It’s pretty simple.

When you do a huge armed midnight raid on an apartment building rounding up and terrorizing children and later find out there were no criminals there everyone involved resigns in shame and we have loud showy Congressional hearings.
November 16, 2025 at 6:31 PM
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Senator Menendez is sitting in his cell at Allenwood right now because he took a 1kg gold bar from the Egyptians, among other forms of “lobbying.”
"It was tough to beat Apple, but the Swiss did it." said one administration official.

How the Swiss convinced Trump to drop tariffs with gifts of a Rolex desk clock and a 1 kg gold bar.

www.axios.com/2025/11/14/t...
How to lobby Trump with Swiss precision: gifts, gold and gab
How the Swiss broke a diplomatic logjam on tariffs by arriving with tributes fit for a king.
www.axios.com
November 15, 2025 at 4:31 PM
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Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone

Teller: So is this not a robbery?

Me: No, it is
January 19, 2025 at 7:21 AM
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COP: Are you high?

MOTORIST: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree?

[one leaf falls from cop]
November 16, 2025 at 2:22 AM
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“Women these days don’t want to have children.”

Well, we don’t actually know if women in the past wanted to. Nobody asked them, least of all their husbands.
November 15, 2025 at 12:14 PM
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collecting rain in wine glasses so i can have sips of the sky whenever i feel too mortal
November 14, 2025 at 6:50 PM
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Hold up
November 15, 2025 at 12:41 AM
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I try to spend as little time as possible trapped in haunted oil paintings. The food in there is terrible and the people are all from like 500 years ago so they haven't even seen any good movies
November 14, 2025 at 9:42 PM
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Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.
November 14, 2025 at 5:29 AM
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I absolutely love this story from Evan Ratliff, a @wired.com all-time great writer, about building his own company that employs exclusively AI agents.
All of My Employees Are AI Agents, and So Are My Executives
Sam Altman says the one-person billion-dollar company is coming. Maybe I could be that person—if only I could get my colleagues to shut up and stop lying.
www.wired.com
November 12, 2025 at 8:07 PM
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When you don't have time for the full freakout
November 13, 2025 at 11:09 PM