Lindsay
@rollinintheseat.bsky.social
The Grammy Awards should have a “best on hold music” category.
March 31, 2025 at 7:58 PM
The Grammy Awards should have a “best on hold music” category.
Reposted by Lindsay
Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone
Teller: So is this not a robbery?
Me: No, it is
Teller: So is this not a robbery?
Me: No, it is
January 19, 2025 at 7:21 AM
Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone
Teller: So is this not a robbery?
Me: No, it is
Teller: So is this not a robbery?
Me: No, it is
Reposted by Lindsay
gigantic pigeon,
way up in a skyscraper.
more like a high coo.
way up in a skyscraper.
more like a high coo.
January 30, 2025 at 1:35 PM
gigantic pigeon,
way up in a skyscraper.
more like a high coo.
way up in a skyscraper.
more like a high coo.
Person: Sitting is the new smoking.
Me: [from my wheelchair]: I guess I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was a baby.
Me: [from my wheelchair]: I guess I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was a baby.
January 29, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Person: Sitting is the new smoking.
Me: [from my wheelchair]: I guess I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was a baby.
Me: [from my wheelchair]: I guess I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was a baby.
I was going to enter a boxing match, but I’m afraid I would feint.
January 28, 2025 at 7:16 PM
I was going to enter a boxing match, but I’m afraid I would feint.
Reposted by Lindsay
“My body is a wonderland” I whisper as I pluck the last of my chin hairs
January 28, 2025 at 2:53 PM
“My body is a wonderland” I whisper as I pluck the last of my chin hairs
Reposted by Lindsay
okay run it by me one more time
January 28, 2025 at 6:01 PM
okay run it by me one more time
I typed the word “living” and the next word my phone suggested was “daylights.” My phone thinks I’m an 85 year old southern woman.
January 15, 2025 at 7:56 PM
I typed the word “living” and the next word my phone suggested was “daylights.” My phone thinks I’m an 85 year old southern woman.
Reposted by Lindsay
Every dad gift ideas list is like: Scotch rocks, socks that are also a knife, bacon wallet, hammer subscription
December 16, 2024 at 12:07 AM
Every dad gift ideas list is like: Scotch rocks, socks that are also a knife, bacon wallet, hammer subscription
Reposted by Lindsay
♫ and a partridge in a bear tree
December 7, 2024 at 4:46 PM
♫ and a partridge in a bear tree
Reposted by Lindsay
A woman at the grocery store stopped me and asked “Do you know where the cheese is?” and it was the only time in my life that I confidently gave directions.
December 7, 2024 at 4:52 PM
A woman at the grocery store stopped me and asked “Do you know where the cheese is?” and it was the only time in my life that I confidently gave directions.
Reposted by Lindsay
Beef jerky
Beef just having bad day
Beef sorry for taking it out on you
Beef just having bad day
Beef sorry for taking it out on you
December 5, 2024 at 4:27 PM
Beef jerky
Beef just having bad day
Beef sorry for taking it out on you
Beef just having bad day
Beef sorry for taking it out on you
I wonder which of the three wise men said only fools rush in?
December 5, 2024 at 6:45 PM
I wonder which of the three wise men said only fools rush in?
Reposted by Lindsay
Opening a restaurant named ‘Peace and Quiet’ where kids meals cost $80
November 22, 2024 at 9:35 AM
Opening a restaurant named ‘Peace and Quiet’ where kids meals cost $80
Reposted by Lindsay
[sees an old man with a tattoo] *whispers to self* gramp stamp
November 24, 2024 at 10:19 PM
[sees an old man with a tattoo] *whispers to self* gramp stamp
Reposted by Lindsay
Interviewer: what did you learn from your previous job?
Me: that I need a new job
Me: that I need a new job
November 26, 2024 at 8:45 PM
Interviewer: what did you learn from your previous job?
Me: that I need a new job
Me: that I need a new job
This couch for my virtual doctor appointment looks more comfortable than my actual couch.
November 25, 2024 at 8:01 PM
This couch for my virtual doctor appointment looks more comfortable than my actual couch.
Reposted by Lindsay
Dear Comcast,
My bill is not past due, it is just experiencing technical difficulties
My bill is not past due, it is just experiencing technical difficulties
November 17, 2024 at 5:13 PM
Dear Comcast,
My bill is not past due, it is just experiencing technical difficulties
My bill is not past due, it is just experiencing technical difficulties
Reposted by Lindsay
On a scale of 1 to 10 for hotness, I would rate myself a good listener
November 17, 2024 at 12:40 PM
On a scale of 1 to 10 for hotness, I would rate myself a good listener
Reposted by Lindsay
me: don’t mind me, I’m just taking a gander
petting zoo employee: put the goose down
petting zoo employee: put the goose down
July 28, 2023 at 9:28 PM
me: don’t mind me, I’m just taking a gander
petting zoo employee: put the goose down
petting zoo employee: put the goose down
Reposted by Lindsay
ME: Sorry I'm late. There were a bunch of protesters singing my favorite REM song.
BOSS: Shiny Happy People?
ME: No, they were mad.
BOSS: Shiny Happy People?
ME: No, they were mad.
February 19, 2024 at 11:37 PM
ME: Sorry I'm late. There were a bunch of protesters singing my favorite REM song.
BOSS: Shiny Happy People?
ME: No, they were mad.
BOSS: Shiny Happy People?
ME: No, they were mad.
Reposted by Lindsay
Welcome to America
May 23, 2023 at 4:50 PM
Welcome to America
Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.
November 2, 2023 at 8:32 PM
Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.
When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”
October 30, 2023 at 9:12 PM
When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”
Reposted by Lindsay
bill nye’s full name is william new years eve
October 30, 2023 at 3:24 AM
bill nye’s full name is william new years eve