just my posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kcsxrdwgltnpsm5ry2dltlkw/lists/3ki3erfluq22r
Wife: That's your phone. Your dentist is calling you.
*Astonished* I have a dentist?!
1️⃣ Eat breakfast and take my meds that require a full stomach
2️⃣ Empty my bowels
3️⃣ Eat on the toilet
4️⃣ Skip my appointment, skip breakfast, skip my meds, and run screaming into the woods to live like an animal covered in my own filth
1️⃣ Eat breakfast and take my meds that require a full stomach
2️⃣ Empty my bowels
3️⃣ Eat on the toilet
4️⃣ Skip my appointment, skip breakfast, skip my meds, and run screaming into the woods to live like an animal covered in my own filth
"I think that creepy guy is listening to our conversation."
"I think that creepy guy is listening to our conversation."
*annnnnnnnd, send 👻*
*annnnnnnnd, send 👻*
"If I were a blow up doll where do you think my valve would be?"
"If I were a blow up doll where do you think my valve would be?"
(The card will be embossed with her initials & say something like, “Bon courage! I, too, have suffered recent misfortune….”)
(The card will be embossed with her initials & say something like, “Bon courage! I, too, have suffered recent misfortune….”)
Him (hopping on): It's smaller than I thought.
Me: Yes, but it's full of resources. *pokes the ice floe off-shore with a stick*
Him (hopping on): It's smaller than I thought.
Me: Yes, but it's full of resources. *pokes the ice floe off-shore with a stick*
nonsensei: flamingos hate peanut butter
nonsensei: flamingos hate peanut butter
Politician 2, nodding sagely: Cops.
Politician 3: OMG COPS!
Giant cop made of 39 cops fused together into a nightmarish amalgam of pasty white flesh and body armor: COPS!
Politician 2, nodding sagely: Cops.
Politician 3: OMG COPS!
Giant cop made of 39 cops fused together into a nightmarish amalgam of pasty white flesh and body armor: COPS!