Petti Crocker
@aquarianairhead.bsky.social
Just some awkward goofball. Queer, Celiac, AuDHD/NVLD, Xennial, chonky, karaoke snob, recently rejuvenated brass player/middle-aged band geek, rotisserie chicken connoisseur, multi-dimensional dork. (she/they)
Pinned
a man laying on a bed with his eyes closed and the words yes it is my birthday
Alt: Eddie Murphy saying "Yes, it is my birthday!"
media.tenor.com
So it is! 🥳
If you'd like to help me celebrate and/or buy me a margarita at my birthday dinner later tonight, my V'mo is petticrocker! 🍹
If you'd like to help me celebrate and/or buy me a margarita at my birthday dinner later tonight, my V'mo is petticrocker! 🍹
Reposted by Petti Crocker
I’m sorry, but if we hold everyone in the Epstein files accountable for their involvement and punish each one for their crimes to the fullest extent, we will begin to collapse a long-standing system that has only given power to elitist excrement and I don’t see a motherfucking problem with this
February 17, 2026 at 8:38 AM
I’m sorry, but if we hold everyone in the Epstein files accountable for their involvement and punish each one for their crimes to the fullest extent, we will begin to collapse a long-standing system that has only given power to elitist excrement and I don’t see a motherfucking problem with this
Reposted by Petti Crocker
W I L D
Here’s a fascinating 10 minutes about the economics (or lack thereof) of figure skating. TLDL: the gender imbalance is so big that in a pair, the girl’s family pays for all the boy’s expenses.
www.npr.org/2026/02/12/n...
www.npr.org/2026/02/12/n...
What it costs to be an elite figure skater like the 'Quad God' : The Indicator from Planet Money
Behind every Ilia Malinin or Alysa Liu, there is an army of elite figure skating coaches and choreographers who have been with them from the beginning. On today’s show, how much does it cost to achiev...
www.npr.org
February 17, 2026 at 5:28 AM
W I L D
Reposted by Petti Crocker
it is weird to see so much reporting about newborn babies in concentration camps in between updates about the Olympics
February 17, 2026 at 5:40 AM
it is weird to see so much reporting about newborn babies in concentration camps in between updates about the Olympics
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Board my $70 million jet, sleep in private suite, land to tell press it’s immigrants to blame for not enough housing/jobs, then quick jaunt to El Salvador gulag to film content for socials, or ride-along w/ ICE disappearing people to the camps, then back on plane to shit in my bidet in the sky
The interior of Kristi Noem’s new billionaire-class luxury jet is complete with two bidets and a wet bar with a wine chiller. It will be purchased on our dime from the slush fund Congress approved in the One Big Beautiful Bill.
open.substack.com/pub/newsnotn...
open.substack.com/pub/newsnotn...
Let Them Fly First Class: Kristi Noem’s DHS Luxury Jet Scandal
Inside Noem's flying palace. Plus: Pentagon demands obedient, deadly AI. The race to deploy untested nuclear reactors. Lawmakers move to rein in presidential pardons. And remembering Robert Duvall.
open.substack.com
February 17, 2026 at 5:42 AM
Board my $70 million jet, sleep in private suite, land to tell press it’s immigrants to blame for not enough housing/jobs, then quick jaunt to El Salvador gulag to film content for socials, or ride-along w/ ICE disappearing people to the camps, then back on plane to shit in my bidet in the sky
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Well the FCC has bullied the Colbert Show into not airing an interview with James Talarico (which they've put on YouTube) — I look forward to all of my former professors at Scalia Law condemning this massive intrusion on the First Amendment.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiTJ...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiTJ...
Rep. James Talarico On Confronting Christian Nationalism, And Strange Days In The Texas Legislatu…
YouTube video by The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
www.youtube.com
February 17, 2026 at 5:46 AM
Well the FCC has bullied the Colbert Show into not airing an interview with James Talarico (which they've put on YouTube) — I look forward to all of my former professors at Scalia Law condemning this massive intrusion on the First Amendment.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiTJ...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiTJ...
Reposted by Petti Crocker
"self-induced trauma"? oh, you mean "paying attention to everything going on in the world"
February 17, 2026 at 5:51 AM
"self-induced trauma"? oh, you mean "paying attention to everything going on in the world"
Reposted by Petti Crocker
clifford the big red dog taking out all the avengers with one anxiety dump
February 17, 2026 at 5:56 AM
clifford the big red dog taking out all the avengers with one anxiety dump
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Wild that billions of years ago a planet existed specifically in the habitable zone of exactly the right type of star with the perfect atmospheric condition and elementary composition for abiogenesis, and as a result of that I have to pay taxes to genocidal pedophiles
February 17, 2026 at 6:04 AM
Wild that billions of years ago a planet existed specifically in the habitable zone of exactly the right type of star with the perfect atmospheric condition and elementary composition for abiogenesis, and as a result of that I have to pay taxes to genocidal pedophiles
Reposted by Petti Crocker
The drunk uncle theory.
You don’t argue with the casually homophobic uncle at Thanksgiving dinner to change his mind; you argue so that the closeted cousin at the kids table knows there’s safe people and better possibilities out there
You don’t argue with the casually homophobic uncle at Thanksgiving dinner to change his mind; you argue so that the closeted cousin at the kids table knows there’s safe people and better possibilities out there
agree with this (hah) but also think a particular mistake the left made for a long time online, and still makes to an extent, is failing to understand that the person whose mind you may actually change is the one reading the argument you're having, not the one you're arguing with
The secret to engaging in social media debate is knowing you will never win anyone over. The best you can hope for is to have people who already agree with tell you you're awesome. You might great a dopamine thrill from the righteousness of your anger! Fine benefits, all. But you will never win.
February 16, 2026 at 11:35 PM
The drunk uncle theory.
You don’t argue with the casually homophobic uncle at Thanksgiving dinner to change his mind; you argue so that the closeted cousin at the kids table knows there’s safe people and better possibilities out there
You don’t argue with the casually homophobic uncle at Thanksgiving dinner to change his mind; you argue so that the closeted cousin at the kids table knows there’s safe people and better possibilities out there
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Stephen Colbert blasted Brendan Carr after FCC scrutiny led CBS to pull an interview with Texas State Rep James Talarico. Instead, 'The Late Show' posted it to YouTube.
Colbert Says CBS Pulled Guest Over FCC Scrutiny; Posts Interview to YouTube Instead
Stephen Colbert blasted Brendan Carr after FCC scrutiny led CBS to pull an interview with Texas State Rep James Talarico. Instead, 'The Late Show' posted it to YouTube.
dlvr.it
February 17, 2026 at 5:58 AM
Stephen Colbert blasted Brendan Carr after FCC scrutiny led CBS to pull an interview with Texas State Rep James Talarico. Instead, 'The Late Show' posted it to YouTube.
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Guillotines are too fast.
Oubliettes.
Oubliettes.
February 17, 2026 at 6:19 AM
Guillotines are too fast.
Oubliettes.
Oubliettes.
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Did you know that strawberries are not berries, and are actually mammals?
February 16, 2026 at 10:10 AM
Did you know that strawberries are not berries, and are actually mammals?
Reposted by Petti Crocker
*pulls out a Jimmy Johns customer loyalty card (with 3 punches out of 10 for a free sandwich) from behind your ear
“Is this your card?”
“Is this your card?”
February 16, 2026 at 2:44 PM
*pulls out a Jimmy Johns customer loyalty card (with 3 punches out of 10 for a free sandwich) from behind your ear
“Is this your card?”
“Is this your card?”
This a CAT checkpoint. Show me the most recent cat image on your phone.
February 17, 2026 at 4:08 AM
This a CAT checkpoint. Show me the most recent cat image on your phone.
Reposted by Petti Crocker
when Richard Gere gets up in the morning he likes to say "the gigolo is up" and have a little chuckle to himself
February 17, 2026 at 12:18 AM
when Richard Gere gets up in the morning he likes to say "the gigolo is up" and have a little chuckle to himself
Reposted by Petti Crocker
I assume anyone crying has just been keeping up with current events.
February 17, 2026 at 2:34 AM
I assume anyone crying has just been keeping up with current events.
Reposted by Petti Crocker
THIS MAN CREATED ICE
February 17, 2026 at 1:43 AM
THIS MAN CREATED ICE
Reposted by Petti Crocker
i should start doing engagement bait prompts so people have to ask other people and not me what happened instead of asking me every single fucking time i comment anywhere
February 17, 2026 at 12:25 AM
i should start doing engagement bait prompts so people have to ask other people and not me what happened instead of asking me every single fucking time i comment anywhere
Reposted by Petti Crocker
This is 100% correct
February 17, 2026 at 12:29 AM
This is 100% correct
Reposted by Petti Crocker
You know it's bad when Anderson Cooper, a Vanderbilt, feels stifled by the powers over him.
Scoop: Anderson Cooper had grown increasingly uneasy with the direction of CBS News under Bari Weiss, contributing to his decision to exit "60 Minutes."
Details in @status.news: www.status.news/p/anderson-c...
Details in @status.news: www.status.news/p/anderson-c...
Cooper’s Final Minutes
While Anderson Cooper cited the desire to spend more time with family as he announced his exit from “60 Minutes,” Status has learned that deeper issues at the Bari Weiss-led network played a role in h...
www.status.news
February 17, 2026 at 12:36 AM
You know it's bad when Anderson Cooper, a Vanderbilt, feels stifled by the powers over him.
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Nothing that can help regular people is possible. Everything that can hurt regular people is easy to do. This is basically how most politicians act right now.
February 17, 2026 at 12:37 AM
Nothing that can help regular people is possible. Everything that can hurt regular people is easy to do. This is basically how most politicians act right now.
Reposted by Petti Crocker
Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you?
Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]
Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]
February 17, 2026 at 1:12 AM
Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you?
Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]
Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]
Reposted by Petti Crocker
joyce is going after elon again
February 17, 2026 at 1:22 AM
joyce is going after elon again
Reposted by Petti Crocker
its really fucked up that garfield repeatedly tries to send nermal to abu dhabi given that in the UAE he would likely be tried and imprisoned for his homosexuality
February 17, 2026 at 1:25 AM
its really fucked up that garfield repeatedly tries to send nermal to abu dhabi given that in the UAE he would likely be tried and imprisoned for his homosexuality