Alison B
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akbea.bsky.social
Alison B
@akbea.bsky.social
2K followers 710 following 16K posts
I twist other people's words for money.
http://rewritten.uk

Anything pre-July 2023 is imported from Twitter; I don't have a time machine. Not that I'd tell you about, anyway.
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akbea.bsky.social
Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · Apr 17
TFW you're a British tourist in the EU and the buildings are giving you the disapproving side-eye.
A building on the River Arno in central Florence that looks like a big old grumpy face with a white nose, a red mouth and a green moustache.
Reposted by Alison B
edmorrish.bsky.social
the art they’ve chosen here makes it look like the most incredible booking for the next series of taskmaster
January 10, 2026 at 2:04 PM
Reposted by Alison B
willwiles.bsky.social
Delighted to have received a grant from a submerging writers foundation, which supports mid-career authors while they age, procrastinate and feel their early promise ebb away. Grants like this are essential to the production of unmarketable work of limited appeal.
January 8, 2026 at 5:45 PM
Reposted by Alison B
atrupar.com
Jacob Frey: "To ICE -- get the fuck out of Minneapolis"
January 7, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Reposted by Alison B
richardlittler.bsky.social
I pulled a muscle in my neck/back while struggling to put on a white t-shirt, which turned out to be a pillowcase.
hillarymonahan.bsky.social Hillary Monahan @hillarymonahan.bsky.social · 5d
What's the most ridiculous way you ever hurt yourself? I got out of the tub, skidded in water and tripped over the toilet. Ankle sprain.

😅
January 6, 2026 at 11:18 AM
akbea.bsky.social
Cracked a rib reaching to the bottom of next door's wheelie bin to retrieve a parcel.
hillarymonahan.bsky.social Hillary Monahan @hillarymonahan.bsky.social · 5d
What's the most ridiculous way you ever hurt yourself? I got out of the tub, skidded in water and tripped over the toilet. Ankle sprain.

😅
January 6, 2026 at 12:09 PM
Reposted by Alison B
garybainbridge.bsky.social
Was knocked over by a mobility scooter into a spinner rack of bras in Matalan.
hillarymonahan.bsky.social Hillary Monahan @hillarymonahan.bsky.social · 5d
What's the most ridiculous way you ever hurt yourself? I got out of the tub, skidded in water and tripped over the toilet. Ankle sprain.

😅
January 6, 2026 at 11:21 AM
Reposted by Alison B
mjowen174.bsky.social
The multi-talented @gailmyerscough.co.uk has done a marvellous job remodelling and reshaping my website. Go and have a look for yourselves and repost, if you please - ta very much 👍 www.mathew-owen.co.uk
Home | Matt Owen | Freelance Writer
I offer a broad and diverse range of writing services. Get in touch!
www.mathew-owen.co.uk
January 5, 2026 at 4:37 PM
Reposted by Alison B
john-self.bsky.social
Thinking back to this superb piece of trolling by the editor of the Guardian letters page in 2015.
First letter: • In the light of Jamie's Sugar Rush, I hope not to see another emollient letter from the head of advocacy for AB Sugar in the Guardian. The industry's line is always to stress that sugar is just one of several issues linking food and health and a holistic approach is the only solution. Not true! A simple ban on adding real sugar to artificial drinks, and compulsory health warnings (not traffic lights) on fruit drinks containing natural sugars, would go a long way towards a solution. The industry will cope. Tim Grollman London Second letter: • With reference to Gaby Hinsliff's recent article on sugar consumption, it is important to remember that there is no magic bullet when it comes to tackling obesity. Gaby correctly points out that we need to look at diet within the context of lifestyle. Government data shows that, despite a 12.5% fall in total sugar consumption over the last 14 years, obesity rates continue to rise. Obesity is a complex issue and one area that is important to consider is the contribution of a balanced diet. So while reducing calories - which could include sugars - can help people lose or control their weight, as part of this the starting point should be calories (energy) in and calories (energy) out. What's required is collaborative action to find real and workable solutions to tackle this multifaceted issue. Katharine Teague Head of advocacy, AB Sugar
January 4, 2026 at 9:33 PM
Reposted by Alison B
brutumfulmen.bsky.social
I get it, Juanita. I really do.
A tweet from the Cincinnati Zoo: Anyone else already giving up on their New Year's resolutions? In case you aren't sure what you're looking at, Juanita the armadillo is napping in her exercise wheel. (A picture of an armadillo lying upside down in her big exercise wheel)
January 4, 2026 at 4:35 PM
Reposted by Alison B
woodpigpress.bsky.social
PLEASE SHARE:

WoodPig Press opens to submissions on Monday. Well, if you're super keen, midnight on Sunday (i.e. 12 AM GMT 5/1/26). We've had LOTS of interest, and we've limited submission slots, so if you're planning on submitting, read on.

But first, a reminder of what we're about.

#booksky
January 2, 2026 at 10:37 AM
Reposted by Alison B
robonabike.bsky.social
We're going to need a bigger Hague.
January 3, 2026 at 9:51 AM
Reposted by Alison B
profsimonfisher.bsky.social
Thank you for submitting to Nature Years. Based on feedback from independent expert reviewers, we are unable to accept 2026 in its present form. If you feel up to the task, we would be willing to consider a substantially revised version that addresses the major concerns raised...
January 3, 2026 at 3:51 PM
Reposted by Alison B
charlotte2153.bsky.social
There is, to my mind, no justification for the continued use by the UK Government of X as a platform for official comms. There hasn't been for some time, in fact, but if the latest developments around AI-generated image abuse and CSAM don't change the policy I really don't know what will.
January 2, 2026 at 9:18 PM
akbea.bsky.social
I'm not saying this was an eye-watering juxtaposition of posts, but
Two Bluesky posts. One is a photo of a medieval-torture-looking antique lemon-squeezing device; the other is a story from New Scientist about frequency of ejaculation and success of IVF. It's funnier than it sounds.
January 1, 2026 at 11:35 AM
akbea.bsky.social
As a British person, I can't reasonably be expected to do this even in my own language, never mind someone else's.

#duolingo
A screenshot from Duolingo. The theme of the current unit is 'Feelings: Express discomfort in situations'.
December 31, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Reposted by Alison B
nndroid.bsky.social
Go round the outside.
December 30, 2025 at 2:45 PM
akbea.bsky.social
Boarding a flight in Chicago and trudging through Business Class, @lexidays.bsky.social and I had to brush right past Jerry Springer.
bolt451.bsky.social Frey has a free writing Patreon @bolt451.bsky.social · Jun 13
Right folks. Feeling rather down at the moment so bringing back an oldie

Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
December 30, 2025 at 8:48 AM
akbea.bsky.social
No, rest assured I heard it too 😳
lexidays.bsky.social The man in the corner @lexidays.bsky.social · 13d
I've Just remembered this from Christmas dinner.

Me, @akbea.bsky.social, the boy (11) and my mum (78).

Luckily, I think only I heard Mum trying to identify this cracker gift.

"Is it a butt plug?"

I had to explain (and demo) how a wine bottle stopper works.

Raises questions I don't want to hear.
A chrome effect wine bottle stopper. Basically a cone with a sphere stuck on the wide end and two rubber o-rings part way down the cone. I'm not an expert but I imagine the cone is too pointy to make for a safe but plug.
December 28, 2025 at 8:41 PM
akbea.bsky.social
I still haven't forgiven Biggins for nearly running me over at Bradford Interchange thirty-odd years ago, so this news comes as no surprise. But why have they gone with a photo of Johnny Ball?
The Saturday Interview: Christopher Biggins: 'We should bring back the death penalty'
December 27, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Reposted by Alison B
dempster2000.bsky.social
This year, in accordance with the scriptures: a 250ml serving of Barefoot Merlot in an airtight plastic container.
December 25, 2025 at 9:47 AM
Reposted by Alison B
jennylandreth.bsky.social
Visited my Mum, in hospital for Xmas. I picked a colourful knitted thing off her bed. ‘What’s this Mum?’ ‘MUFF’ yelled the woman in the kitty corner bed. ‘ITS HER MUFF’. May all our Christmases be full of women yelling MUFF xx
December 25, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Reposted by Alison B
levparikian.bsky.social
GEEEEEEEEETTTTTTT DRESSED, you merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay!
For it is Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Day!
IIIITTTTT’S Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Day!
It is Chriiii-i-i-i-i-istmas Day Christmas Day!
It is Chri-HI-HI-HI-HI-HI-HISTMAS DAY!
December 25, 2025 at 8:01 AM
Reposted by Alison B
tobyontv.bsky.social
Christmas, that special time of year when, all across the land, homes experience the magic of airport drinking rules
December 25, 2025 at 7:28 AM
akbea.bsky.social
Bloody hell, Nine Lessons and Carols is doing its best to break me this year. Midnight Clear AND Shepherds' Farewell.

If they do O Holy Night as well that'll be a full house of sobbing. #9LC
December 24, 2025 at 4:10 PM
akbea.bsky.social
@alexhorne.bsky.social We found you!

The #taskmaster advent calendar has been the most fun EVER. Merry Christmas! 🌲🤶🏼🥂
A cartoon image of Little Alex Horne from the Taskmaster Advent calendar, which has been EPIC.
December 24, 2025 at 10:06 AM