Claws
@ohiocolor.bsky.social
Venmo is my favorite social media platform
Reposted by Claws
your true love gave you eight maids a milking? cool. just one question. what the fuck are you talking about
December 14, 2024 at 3:58 PM
your true love gave you eight maids a milking? cool. just one question. what the fuck are you talking about
Reposted by Claws
I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible
December 14, 2024 at 7:10 PM
I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible
Reposted by Claws
You can lead a horse to water, but it will not be super impressed. Horses know about water
December 14, 2024 at 4:33 AM
You can lead a horse to water, but it will not be super impressed. Horses know about water
Reposted by Claws
the library should host a monthly 'how to cook an egg' night where adults and children alike are provided a quiet, judgment free space to learn to properly cook an egg. this would do society a lot of good
December 14, 2024 at 1:28 PM
the library should host a monthly 'how to cook an egg' night where adults and children alike are provided a quiet, judgment free space to learn to properly cook an egg. this would do society a lot of good
Reposted by Claws
Reposted by Claws
(Ebenezer Scrooge on his way to debut his new “fun” persona to the family of the employee he’s impoverished:) Maybe I’ll razz Bob a little bit when I get there. I think we have that kind of relationship
December 14, 2024 at 4:11 PM
(Ebenezer Scrooge on his way to debut his new “fun” persona to the family of the employee he’s impoverished:) Maybe I’ll razz Bob a little bit when I get there. I think we have that kind of relationship
Reposted by Claws
santa taylor swift
🤝
flying to the house next door
🤝
flying to the house next door
December 14, 2024 at 3:58 AM
santa taylor swift
🤝
flying to the house next door
🤝
flying to the house next door
Reposted by Claws
STEVE MILLER: some people call me the space cowboy
ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it
ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it
December 12, 2024 at 4:15 PM
STEVE MILLER: some people call me the space cowboy
ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it
ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it
Reposted by Claws
ME: and make mine a double
WAITER: your..your tater tots?
ME: you heard me
WAITER: your..your tater tots?
ME: you heard me
December 12, 2024 at 2:23 PM
ME: and make mine a double
WAITER: your..your tater tots?
ME: you heard me
WAITER: your..your tater tots?
ME: you heard me
Reposted by Claws
Movies used to be about men solving problems with their fists. Nowadays men get fisted on camera. I think I torrented the wrong file
December 12, 2024 at 4:46 PM
Movies used to be about men solving problems with their fists. Nowadays men get fisted on camera. I think I torrented the wrong file
Reposted by Claws
Humans are the only species who have ever managed to invent Arby’s
December 12, 2024 at 2:48 AM
Humans are the only species who have ever managed to invent Arby’s
Reposted by Claws
a “Full English” is when you prank a buddy by secretly filling their toilet tank to the brim with baked beans
December 12, 2024 at 2:08 AM
a “Full English” is when you prank a buddy by secretly filling their toilet tank to the brim with baked beans
Reposted by Claws
My manger brings Wise Men to the barn /
They’re like, we traveled so far /
Damn right, followed the North Star /
I will gift you, this myrrh in a jar
They’re like, we traveled so far /
Damn right, followed the North Star /
I will gift you, this myrrh in a jar
December 10, 2024 at 12:48 AM
My manger brings Wise Men to the barn /
They’re like, we traveled so far /
Damn right, followed the North Star /
I will gift you, this myrrh in a jar
They’re like, we traveled so far /
Damn right, followed the North Star /
I will gift you, this myrrh in a jar
Reposted by Claws
The fact that Disney bought Star Wars and bought the Muppets and haven’t done a Muppets Star Wars is a crime.
December 6, 2024 at 3:39 PM
The fact that Disney bought Star Wars and bought the Muppets and haven’t done a Muppets Star Wars is a crime.
Reposted by Claws
hello, 911? yes, there are a bunch of people here and they are absolutely DEMANDING some figgy pudding
December 7, 2024 at 12:16 AM
hello, 911? yes, there are a bunch of people here and they are absolutely DEMANDING some figgy pudding
Reposted by Claws
I can't work out if this card is for a good occasion or a very, very bad situation.
December 6, 2024 at 3:02 PM
I can't work out if this card is for a good occasion or a very, very bad situation.
Reposted by Claws
Foodie: Hmm the crisp, sharp notes of this French Chablis will pair perfectly with tonight’s lemon sole
Me: This wine is 13% and has a hedgehog on the label I’ll take it
Me: This wine is 13% and has a hedgehog on the label I’ll take it
December 6, 2024 at 12:03 PM
Foodie: Hmm the crisp, sharp notes of this French Chablis will pair perfectly with tonight’s lemon sole
Me: This wine is 13% and has a hedgehog on the label I’ll take it
Me: This wine is 13% and has a hedgehog on the label I’ll take it
Reposted by Claws
*calls son at college*
Pop quiz, son
“Ok”
What’s the opposite of a hot dog
“Um…a cold cat?”
Exactly. Now let’s talk about Fluffy
Pop quiz, son
“Ok”
What’s the opposite of a hot dog
“Um…a cold cat?”
Exactly. Now let’s talk about Fluffy
December 5, 2024 at 4:13 PM
*calls son at college*
Pop quiz, son
“Ok”
What’s the opposite of a hot dog
“Um…a cold cat?”
Exactly. Now let’s talk about Fluffy
Pop quiz, son
“Ok”
What’s the opposite of a hot dog
“Um…a cold cat?”
Exactly. Now let’s talk about Fluffy
Reposted by Claws
Pixar rejected my Up sequel Down. Carl tying boulders to his house to drag it underground so he can rescue Ellie from hell “didn’t make sense” according to the suits. “Why is Ellie in hell? She didn’t commit any sins.” Yes she did, hubris
December 5, 2024 at 3:32 PM
Pixar rejected my Up sequel Down. Carl tying boulders to his house to drag it underground so he can rescue Ellie from hell “didn’t make sense” according to the suits. “Why is Ellie in hell? She didn’t commit any sins.” Yes she did, hubris
Reposted by Claws
*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*
December 4, 2024 at 2:00 PM
*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*
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Nice holy infant you got there. Would be a real shame if someone were to make it…tender and mild
December 3, 2024 at 9:42 AM
Nice holy infant you got there. Would be a real shame if someone were to make it…tender and mild
Reposted by Claws
[trying to talk to a server while going out socially for the first time in several months] Hrm, methinks I’m feeling a bit peckish indeed … and mayhaps I shall partake in an, ahem, shall we say, “adult beverage?” Squee!!!
December 4, 2024 at 12:42 AM
[trying to talk to a server while going out socially for the first time in several months] Hrm, methinks I’m feeling a bit peckish indeed … and mayhaps I shall partake in an, ahem, shall we say, “adult beverage?” Squee!!!