Mark Todd
nameismark.bsky.social
Mark Todd
@nameismark.bsky.social
Sure you know yourself
Reposted by Mark Todd
I don't even need you guys- I get a shitload of attention from strangers every time I step off the bus and crack my head on its wing mirror
June 27, 2025 at 12:03 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
(watching my neighbor getting mauled by a gopher) what are these two up to now
April 8, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
My investment in doomsday clocks is looking pretty savvy.
April 7, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
Aries: It’s the WAY you fall off the cliff that makes it a meme.
April 6, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
Attention, visitors. Please disregard the previous announcement stating “Any part of the zoo can be a petting zoo if you’re not a coward.” And Pete, stay away from the goddam PA system.
April 6, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
[extremely smashmouth voice]
🎶john mcclane's at nakatomi
so tired of being lonely
barefoot on broken glass he must tread

hans was lookin kinda dumb
shooting an unloaded gun
then he went out the window and fell dead
December 12, 2023 at 6:25 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
We regret the scene but the guy who was hit with monkey excrement today had it coming.
March 9, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
Gentlemen, it’s Women’s History Month, so maybe take the initiative and explain what that is.
March 3, 2025 at 1:54 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel down
i said YOUNG MAN, pagliacci the clown
you can SEE HIM
he is playing in town
you should go
and
have
a
good time
February 23, 2025 at 12:24 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey:
February 19, 2025 at 11:40 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. We need to fix this before mom comes home.
February 19, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
I bet everyone’s always talking about what a narcissist I am
February 20, 2025 at 12:58 AM
Reposted by Mark Todd
roses are red / violets are blue
who let the dogs out / who who who who
February 14, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
me: hey how's it goin

them: not much you

me: that's nice

them: i will

me: you too
January 9, 2025 at 7:35 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
He’s making a list
And he’s checking it twice
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
December 9, 2024 at 11:35 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
[playing poker]

FRIEND: I’m all in

ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too

FRIEND: um, a pair of kings

ME: you bet we are
December 17, 2024 at 11:08 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
lol nice feast, Stephen, did a good king look out on it?
December 17, 2024 at 3:11 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
People with those ‘Santa stop here’ signs outside their doors: that’s not how it works, Santa will break into your home whether you like it or not and destroy your brickwork with his bare hands if he has to. He is not a nice person
December 17, 2024 at 9:57 AM
Reposted by Mark Todd
writing the book where Waldo finally finds himself
December 11, 2024 at 10:36 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
[turns down stereo and looks at date] so that's korn
December 10, 2024 at 6:18 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
me: AHHHHHHHHH

youtube: this holiday season

me: AHHHHHHHHH

youtube: you can count on toyota

me: AHHHHHHHHHH

youtube: welcome, to how to use a fire extinguisher
December 9, 2024 at 1:00 AM
Reposted by Mark Todd
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
December 6, 2024 at 1:17 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
wife: did u see the new player piano i bought

me: [stops googling can ghosts play music] yes i did
December 5, 2024 at 2:29 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
HER: because you're so juvenile this relationship is over

ME: [through walkie talkie] this relationship is what, over
December 5, 2024 at 5:26 PM
Reposted by Mark Todd
about to go stage at a rap battle and i see my opponent holding a file with my name on it i glance in the crowd and my therapist is there wearing a new fur coat
December 2, 2024 at 10:01 PM