Reposted by Mark Todd
I don't even need you guys- I get a shitload of attention from strangers every time I step off the bus and crack my head on its wing mirror
June 27, 2025 at 12:03 PM
I don't even need you guys- I get a shitload of attention from strangers every time I step off the bus and crack my head on its wing mirror
Reposted by Mark Todd
(watching my neighbor getting mauled by a gopher) what are these two up to now
April 8, 2025 at 5:35 PM
(watching my neighbor getting mauled by a gopher) what are these two up to now
Reposted by Mark Todd
My investment in doomsday clocks is looking pretty savvy.
April 7, 2025 at 4:26 PM
My investment in doomsday clocks is looking pretty savvy.
Reposted by Mark Todd
Aries: It’s the WAY you fall off the cliff that makes it a meme.
April 6, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Aries: It’s the WAY you fall off the cliff that makes it a meme.
Reposted by Mark Todd
Attention, visitors. Please disregard the previous announcement stating “Any part of the zoo can be a petting zoo if you’re not a coward.” And Pete, stay away from the goddam PA system.
April 6, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Attention, visitors. Please disregard the previous announcement stating “Any part of the zoo can be a petting zoo if you’re not a coward.” And Pete, stay away from the goddam PA system.
Reposted by Mark Todd
[extremely smashmouth voice]
🎶john mcclane's at nakatomi
so tired of being lonely
barefoot on broken glass he must tread
hans was lookin kinda dumb
shooting an unloaded gun
then he went out the window and fell dead
🎶john mcclane's at nakatomi
so tired of being lonely
barefoot on broken glass he must tread
hans was lookin kinda dumb
shooting an unloaded gun
then he went out the window and fell dead
December 12, 2023 at 6:25 PM
[extremely smashmouth voice]
🎶john mcclane's at nakatomi
so tired of being lonely
barefoot on broken glass he must tread
hans was lookin kinda dumb
shooting an unloaded gun
then he went out the window and fell dead
🎶john mcclane's at nakatomi
so tired of being lonely
barefoot on broken glass he must tread
hans was lookin kinda dumb
shooting an unloaded gun
then he went out the window and fell dead
Reposted by Mark Todd
We regret the scene but the guy who was hit with monkey excrement today had it coming.
March 9, 2025 at 4:24 PM
We regret the scene but the guy who was hit with monkey excrement today had it coming.
Reposted by Mark Todd
Gentlemen, it’s Women’s History Month, so maybe take the initiative and explain what that is.
March 3, 2025 at 1:54 PM
Gentlemen, it’s Women’s History Month, so maybe take the initiative and explain what that is.
Reposted by Mark Todd
YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel down
i said YOUNG MAN, pagliacci the clown
you can SEE HIM
he is playing in town
you should go
and
have
a
good time
i said YOUNG MAN, pagliacci the clown
you can SEE HIM
he is playing in town
you should go
and
have
a
good time
February 23, 2025 at 12:24 PM
YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel down
i said YOUNG MAN, pagliacci the clown
you can SEE HIM
he is playing in town
you should go
and
have
a
good time
i said YOUNG MAN, pagliacci the clown
you can SEE HIM
he is playing in town
you should go
and
have
a
good time
Reposted by Mark Todd
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey:
February 19, 2025 at 11:40 PM
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey:
Reposted by Mark Todd
God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. We need to fix this before mom comes home.
February 19, 2025 at 11:20 PM
God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. We need to fix this before mom comes home.
Reposted by Mark Todd
I bet everyone’s always talking about what a narcissist I am
February 20, 2025 at 12:58 AM
I bet everyone’s always talking about what a narcissist I am
Reposted by Mark Todd
roses are red / violets are blue
who let the dogs out / who who who who
who let the dogs out / who who who who
February 14, 2025 at 6:58 PM
roses are red / violets are blue
who let the dogs out / who who who who
who let the dogs out / who who who who
Reposted by Mark Todd
me: hey how's it goin
them: not much you
me: that's nice
them: i will
me: you too
them: not much you
me: that's nice
them: i will
me: you too
January 9, 2025 at 7:35 PM
me: hey how's it goin
them: not much you
me: that's nice
them: i will
me: you too
them: not much you
me: that's nice
them: i will
me: you too
Reposted by Mark Todd
He’s making a list
And he’s checking it twice
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
And he’s checking it twice
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
December 9, 2024 at 11:35 PM
He’s making a list
And he’s checking it twice
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
And he’s checking it twice
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Reposted by Mark Todd
[playing poker]
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
December 17, 2024 at 11:08 PM
[playing poker]
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
Reposted by Mark Todd
lol nice feast, Stephen, did a good king look out on it?
December 17, 2024 at 3:11 PM
lol nice feast, Stephen, did a good king look out on it?
Reposted by Mark Todd
People with those ‘Santa stop here’ signs outside their doors: that’s not how it works, Santa will break into your home whether you like it or not and destroy your brickwork with his bare hands if he has to. He is not a nice person
December 17, 2024 at 9:57 AM
People with those ‘Santa stop here’ signs outside their doors: that’s not how it works, Santa will break into your home whether you like it or not and destroy your brickwork with his bare hands if he has to. He is not a nice person
Reposted by Mark Todd
writing the book where Waldo finally finds himself
December 11, 2024 at 10:36 PM
writing the book where Waldo finally finds himself
Reposted by Mark Todd
[turns down stereo and looks at date] so that's korn
December 10, 2024 at 6:18 PM
[turns down stereo and looks at date] so that's korn
Reposted by Mark Todd
me: AHHHHHHHHH
youtube: this holiday season
me: AHHHHHHHHH
youtube: you can count on toyota
me: AHHHHHHHHHH
youtube: welcome, to how to use a fire extinguisher
youtube: this holiday season
me: AHHHHHHHHH
youtube: you can count on toyota
me: AHHHHHHHHHH
youtube: welcome, to how to use a fire extinguisher
December 9, 2024 at 1:00 AM
me: AHHHHHHHHH
youtube: this holiday season
me: AHHHHHHHHH
youtube: you can count on toyota
me: AHHHHHHHHHH
youtube: welcome, to how to use a fire extinguisher
youtube: this holiday season
me: AHHHHHHHHH
youtube: you can count on toyota
me: AHHHHHHHHHH
youtube: welcome, to how to use a fire extinguisher
Reposted by Mark Todd
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
December 6, 2024 at 1:17 PM
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
Reposted by Mark Todd
wife: did u see the new player piano i bought
me: [stops googling can ghosts play music] yes i did
me: [stops googling can ghosts play music] yes i did
December 5, 2024 at 2:29 PM
wife: did u see the new player piano i bought
me: [stops googling can ghosts play music] yes i did
me: [stops googling can ghosts play music] yes i did
Reposted by Mark Todd
HER: because you're so juvenile this relationship is over
ME: [through walkie talkie] this relationship is what, over
ME: [through walkie talkie] this relationship is what, over
December 5, 2024 at 5:26 PM
HER: because you're so juvenile this relationship is over
ME: [through walkie talkie] this relationship is what, over
ME: [through walkie talkie] this relationship is what, over
Reposted by Mark Todd
about to go stage at a rap battle and i see my opponent holding a file with my name on it i glance in the crowd and my therapist is there wearing a new fur coat
December 2, 2024 at 10:01 PM
about to go stage at a rap battle and i see my opponent holding a file with my name on it i glance in the crowd and my therapist is there wearing a new fur coat