Kalvin the Reindeer
@kalvinmacleod.bsky.social
Boardgame enthusiast. Socially awkward.
Dumb: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7um6cygepxtnieeqlat6crrn/feed/aaaeez754tysi
Dumb: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7um6cygepxtnieeqlat6crrn/feed/aaaeez754tysi
Pinned
[playing poker]
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
Friend: I found your doppelganger
*shows you picture of the worst looking person you've ever seen in your life*
*shows you picture of the worst looking person you've ever seen in your life*
October 5, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Friend: I found your doppelganger
*shows you picture of the worst looking person you've ever seen in your life*
*shows you picture of the worst looking person you've ever seen in your life*
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
it's okay to have fun during spooky month even if you're having a whole spooky life
October 6, 2025 at 3:23 PM
it's okay to have fun during spooky month even if you're having a whole spooky life
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
bad news. it’s actually pretty nice having clothes put away instead of in a pile
September 29, 2025 at 2:39 AM
bad news. it’s actually pretty nice having clothes put away instead of in a pile
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
September 26, 2025 at 12:40 PM
[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
Nothing like having a bunch of your childhood heroes die in quick succession to remind you to load the dishwasher correctly.
July 24, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Nothing like having a bunch of your childhood heroes die in quick succession to remind you to load the dishwasher correctly.
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
wife: your life insurance premium paid up?
me: yeah
wife: good
me: why?
wife: no reason
me: ...
wife: ...
me: ...
wife: here, taste this
me: yeah
wife: good
me: why?
wife: no reason
me: ...
wife: ...
me: ...
wife: here, taste this
July 16, 2025 at 3:54 PM
wife: your life insurance premium paid up?
me: yeah
wife: good
me: why?
wife: no reason
me: ...
wife: ...
me: ...
wife: here, taste this
me: yeah
wife: good
me: why?
wife: no reason
me: ...
wife: ...
me: ...
wife: here, taste this
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
sorry to be controversial but clowns should've never been allowed to drive cars. the shoe to pedal ratio is too high and it is a recipe for danger
June 26, 2025 at 1:36 PM
sorry to be controversial but clowns should've never been allowed to drive cars. the shoe to pedal ratio is too high and it is a recipe for danger
[high school graduation]
SON: why are you crying?
ME: *thinking about how proud I am and how much I'm going to miss him and how life goes too fast* because your mom made me wear dress shoes
SON: why are you crying?
ME: *thinking about how proud I am and how much I'm going to miss him and how life goes too fast* because your mom made me wear dress shoes
June 13, 2025 at 2:46 PM
[high school graduation]
SON: why are you crying?
ME: *thinking about how proud I am and how much I'm going to miss him and how life goes too fast* because your mom made me wear dress shoes
SON: why are you crying?
ME: *thinking about how proud I am and how much I'm going to miss him and how life goes too fast* because your mom made me wear dress shoes
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
The smallest type of animal is a minimal
June 9, 2025 at 1:05 PM
The smallest type of animal is a minimal
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
In hindsight, it was a bad move to install the mulberry bushes. We’ve lost a lot of weasels.
June 6, 2025 at 2:35 PM
In hindsight, it was a bad move to install the mulberry bushes. We’ve lost a lot of weasels.
Russian roulette is like regular roulette as long as you haven’t died nyet.
June 3, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Russian roulette is like regular roulette as long as you haven’t died nyet.
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
there should be an emotional pain scale like 0-10+, how many funny animal reels do you have to watch per day to stay alive
June 3, 2025 at 4:01 PM
there should be an emotional pain scale like 0-10+, how many funny animal reels do you have to watch per day to stay alive
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
The perfect bird feeder doesn't exi--
June 3, 2025 at 11:08 AM
The perfect bird feeder doesn't exi--
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
this should automatically happen when you’re tempted to look at a muted reply
June 3, 2025 at 11:21 AM
this should automatically happen when you’re tempted to look at a muted reply
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
It's funny being remote and hating your job and saying things like "I gotta get out of this place" but the place is like your house
June 3, 2025 at 2:40 PM
It's funny being remote and hating your job and saying things like "I gotta get out of this place" but the place is like your house
40 out of 50 dentists agree that fractions was a waste of time.
June 3, 2025 at 2:46 PM
40 out of 50 dentists agree that fractions was a waste of time.
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
ME: it’s 69 degrees in france
FRIEND: nice
ME: no paris
FRIEND: nice
ME: no paris
June 2, 2025 at 12:52 AM
ME: it’s 69 degrees in france
FRIEND: nice
ME: no paris
FRIEND: nice
ME: no paris
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
If you hate Mondays so much why don’t you eat lasagna about it pal
April 28, 2025 at 11:57 AM
If you hate Mondays so much why don’t you eat lasagna about it pal
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
When Kendrick said "bing bop boom boom boom bop bam" I felt that
June 2, 2025 at 5:40 PM
When Kendrick said "bing bop boom boom boom bop bam" I felt that
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
When a baby is about to be born, someone always has to boil water. It's for the baby's first hot dogs.
June 2, 2025 at 4:33 AM
When a baby is about to be born, someone always has to boil water. It's for the baby's first hot dogs.
DETECTIVE: whoever says the rhyme did the crime
SUSPECT 1: it wasn’t me
SUSPECT 2: it wasn't me
ME: nor did I make him die
MY LAWYER: *pinches the bridge of his nose*
SUSPECT 1: it wasn’t me
SUSPECT 2: it wasn't me
ME: nor did I make him die
MY LAWYER: *pinches the bridge of his nose*
June 2, 2025 at 4:09 PM
DETECTIVE: whoever says the rhyme did the crime
SUSPECT 1: it wasn’t me
SUSPECT 2: it wasn't me
ME: nor did I make him die
MY LAWYER: *pinches the bridge of his nose*
SUSPECT 1: it wasn’t me
SUSPECT 2: it wasn't me
ME: nor did I make him die
MY LAWYER: *pinches the bridge of his nose*
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
Got kicked out of the garden centre for whispering 'With great flower comes great beesponsibility' to all their customers.
June 1, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Got kicked out of the garden centre for whispering 'With great flower comes great beesponsibility' to all their customers.
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
i can’t wait to love my child no matter who they love
June 1, 2025 at 9:43 PM
i can’t wait to love my child no matter who they love
Reposted by Kalvin the Reindeer
“At first, I was afraid I was petrified"
- paranoid wood
- paranoid wood
June 2, 2025 at 11:40 AM
“At first, I was afraid I was petrified"
- paranoid wood
- paranoid wood