Magnanimously Matt
@momentarilymatt.bsky.social
Gas station food aficionado, father. Possibly a donkey.
Matts of Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:k276evh44gwsbdybxgtdothh/lists/3lb3c3birbg2
Matts of Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:k276evh44gwsbdybxgtdothh/lists/3lb3c3birbg2
Pinned
Me: Alexa, fix me.
Alexa: I'm sorry, you are a desicated husk of something that once resembled a human being. You can only be fixed by renewing your Amazon Prime subscription. Would you like me to renew your subscription? Make a gurgling sound if you agree to our new terms and conditions.
Alexa: I'm sorry, you are a desicated husk of something that once resembled a human being. You can only be fixed by renewing your Amazon Prime subscription. Would you like me to renew your subscription? Make a gurgling sound if you agree to our new terms and conditions.
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
It’s dime to go.
*grabs sack of dimes, walks out*
*grabs sack of dimes, walks out*
November 18, 2025 at 11:58 PM
It’s dime to go.
*grabs sack of dimes, walks out*
*grabs sack of dimes, walks out*
I was really hoping my kids hobbies would exclusively be: quietly reading books
Now I spend 80% of my free time supporting activities that are not that
Now I spend 80% of my free time supporting activities that are not that
November 19, 2025 at 12:57 AM
I was really hoping my kids hobbies would exclusively be: quietly reading books
Now I spend 80% of my free time supporting activities that are not that
Now I spend 80% of my free time supporting activities that are not that
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
avoiding pressure washing the house, driveway, and windows by playing Pressure Washer Simulator
November 18, 2025 at 8:41 PM
avoiding pressure washing the house, driveway, and windows by playing Pressure Washer Simulator
Judorigami
I know origami, and I’m not afraid to fold you into a swan.
November 18, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Judorigami
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
I know origami, and I’m not afraid to fold you into a swan.
November 18, 2025 at 9:05 PM
I know origami, and I’m not afraid to fold you into a swan.
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
Kalua pork cooking in my crockpot and punk rock playing on my stereo
November 18, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Kalua pork cooking in my crockpot and punk rock playing on my stereo
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
NOT FAIR!
youtu.be/ISqUYGpchPI
youtu.be/ISqUYGpchPI
Euclid Telescope Data Suggests Universe Is Cooling Down and Dying
YouTube video by Anton Petrov
youtu.be
November 18, 2025 at 10:14 PM
NOT FAIR!
youtu.be/ISqUYGpchPI
youtu.be/ISqUYGpchPI
If one of the side effects of your drug is, "Parasitic infection," I'm going to need a little more information about that
November 18, 2025 at 10:31 PM
If one of the side effects of your drug is, "Parasitic infection," I'm going to need a little more information about that
Start marinating your liver now if you want to be ready in time for holidays with your family
November 18, 2025 at 10:11 PM
Start marinating your liver now if you want to be ready in time for holidays with your family
If I don't reskeet you, it's because I missed your skeet
Or I didn't want to
Or I was distracted by something shiny
Or I didn't want to
Or I was distracted by something shiny
November 18, 2025 at 9:58 PM
If I don't reskeet you, it's because I missed your skeet
Or I didn't want to
Or I was distracted by something shiny
Or I didn't want to
Or I was distracted by something shiny
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
Just told a joke on a Zoom meeting and nobody laughed.
Apparently I’m not remotely funny.
Apparently I’m not remotely funny.
October 11, 2024 at 3:37 PM
Just told a joke on a Zoom meeting and nobody laughed.
Apparently I’m not remotely funny.
Apparently I’m not remotely funny.
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
customer: Waiter, I ordered the chameleon. This is an empty plate.
waiter: Oh, IS it?
waiter: Oh, IS it?
November 18, 2025 at 8:12 PM
customer: Waiter, I ordered the chameleon. This is an empty plate.
waiter: Oh, IS it?
waiter: Oh, IS it?
Clear eyes
Nervous heart
Can't schmooze
Nervous heart
Can't schmooze
November 18, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Clear eyes
Nervous heart
Can't schmooze
Nervous heart
Can't schmooze
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
oh lawd
there's more avatar
why
there's more avatar
why
November 18, 2025 at 2:58 AM
oh lawd
there's more avatar
why
there's more avatar
why
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
I’ve decided to become david bowie and none of you can stop me
November 18, 2025 at 6:59 PM
I’ve decided to become david bowie and none of you can stop me
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
ME: what type of type of tree is that
THEM: that's a telephone pole
ME: must be deciduous
THEM: that's a telephone pole
ME: must be deciduous
November 18, 2025 at 4:29 PM
ME: what type of type of tree is that
THEM: that's a telephone pole
ME: must be deciduous
THEM: that's a telephone pole
ME: must be deciduous
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
oh no not This .
November 18, 2025 at 2:48 PM
oh no not This .
The kind of day where I forget why I opened a fresh browser tab
November 18, 2025 at 5:08 PM
The kind of day where I forget why I opened a fresh browser tab
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
Smoky was the name of the guy the bear ate. The hat was just a good fit so he kept it
November 18, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Smoky was the name of the guy the bear ate. The hat was just a good fit so he kept it
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
First off, my suspension has ended. Got a little harsh with a post a few days ago but I didn’t have my feet on the ground and I’m sorry if I offended anyone. Will try to be more chipper. Knock on wood!
November 17, 2025 at 9:04 PM
First off, my suspension has ended. Got a little harsh with a post a few days ago but I didn’t have my feet on the ground and I’m sorry if I offended anyone. Will try to be more chipper. Knock on wood!
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck
November 13, 2025 at 11:01 PM
I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck
Reposted by Magnanimously Matt
Before you sit down, make sure you can reach the remote.
November 18, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Before you sit down, make sure you can reach the remote.
What is the moon, Alice?
I wish to go there.
I wish to go there.
November 18, 2025 at 4:23 AM
What is the moon, Alice?
I wish to go there.
I wish to go there.