Michelle Milliken
@michelleym.bsky.social
Auntie. Slow runner. Easily distracted hiker. Writer of rejected submissions. Mourning the Oakland A's. Pretend hockey fan. 2006 AL 2B Gold Glove truther. https://michellemilliken.substack.com/
Pinned
Michelle Milliken
@michelleym.bsky.social
· Jun 16
I Won't Give Up on My 1992 Camry Before He's Old Enough to Run for President
He may be leaky, but he has sensible policies
michellemilliken.substack.com
I have an important announcement: My 1992 Camry is running for president in 2028, if he can just contain his fluids until then. michellemilliken.substack.com/p/i-wont-giv...
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
When you absolutely killed it on your presentation and Q&A to a room full of high-ranking Washington DC government muckety-mucks and are about to drop the hottest R&B album of 1991, son
November 19, 2025 at 9:53 PM
When you absolutely killed it on your presentation and Q&A to a room full of high-ranking Washington DC government muckety-mucks and are about to drop the hottest R&B album of 1991, son
Hey guys! Good news! I finally heard back from something I applied to!
...It's an unpaid volunteer position with the Kraken, but it still counts.
...It's an unpaid volunteer position with the Kraken, but it still counts.
November 19, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Hey guys! Good news! I finally heard back from something I applied to!
...It's an unpaid volunteer position with the Kraken, but it still counts.
...It's an unpaid volunteer position with the Kraken, but it still counts.
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
Many times I look at my cat and think “Aw, that’s adorable. Such a cat thing. Surely someone else has just posted a photo of another cat doing this very thing, I don’t need to post mine.”
But I’ve got it all wrong, don’t I?
Y’all want BOTH cats doing that cat thing.
But I’ve got it all wrong, don’t I?
Y’all want BOTH cats doing that cat thing.
November 19, 2025 at 5:13 AM
Many times I look at my cat and think “Aw, that’s adorable. Such a cat thing. Surely someone else has just posted a photo of another cat doing this very thing, I don’t need to post mine.”
But I’ve got it all wrong, don’t I?
Y’all want BOTH cats doing that cat thing.
But I’ve got it all wrong, don’t I?
Y’all want BOTH cats doing that cat thing.
My mom toward the end of her life: "Please look out for your youngest sibling. They'll need it."
Me: "I will."
Me to that sibling 10 years later: "Stop trying to find love so we can be old crones together."
Me: "I will."
Me to that sibling 10 years later: "Stop trying to find love so we can be old crones together."
November 19, 2025 at 9:02 PM
My mom toward the end of her life: "Please look out for your youngest sibling. They'll need it."
Me: "I will."
Me to that sibling 10 years later: "Stop trying to find love so we can be old crones together."
Me: "I will."
Me to that sibling 10 years later: "Stop trying to find love so we can be old crones together."
This could be the most ridiculous job posting I've ever seen. Base rate of $18/hour in the Seattle metro to be a janitor/admin assistant/supervisor/receptionist, with the possibility of getting up to $25/hour *if* the owner decides the social posts you also have to do are of an acceptable volume.
November 19, 2025 at 6:35 AM
This could be the most ridiculous job posting I've ever seen. Base rate of $18/hour in the Seattle metro to be a janitor/admin assistant/supervisor/receptionist, with the possibility of getting up to $25/hour *if* the owner decides the social posts you also have to do are of an acceptable volume.
My phone keeps autocorrecting "her" to "hee". Phone, you have seen me dance. I am clearly not Michael Jackson.
November 19, 2025 at 2:59 AM
My phone keeps autocorrecting "her" to "hee". Phone, you have seen me dance. I am clearly not Michael Jackson.
My internet personality continues to be "likes everyone's posts so much that they think I'm in love with them."
For what it's worth, I've only written "Mrs. (your last name)" in my diary for about 97% of you.
For what it's worth, I've only written "Mrs. (your last name)" in my diary for about 97% of you.
November 18, 2025 at 5:44 AM
My internet personality continues to be "likes everyone's posts so much that they think I'm in love with them."
For what it's worth, I've only written "Mrs. (your last name)" in my diary for about 97% of you.
For what it's worth, I've only written "Mrs. (your last name)" in my diary for about 97% of you.
Rude of him to be so much prettier than me.
Enrique Hernandez's daughter, Penelope, is helping him rehab with a makeover. instagram.com/kikehndez/
November 18, 2025 at 5:28 AM
Rude of him to be so much prettier than me.
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
Credit to the team doctors, whose attention to detail kept them from operating on the wrong foot.
Report: Altuve undergoes right foot surgery
Report: Altuve undergoes right foot surgery
Jose Altuve underwent right foot surgery on Monday, according to MLB.com's Brian McTaggart.
dlvr.it
November 18, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Credit to the team doctors, whose attention to detail kept them from operating on the wrong foot.
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
- catches puck
- flips bob
- dies
- refuses to elaborate
- flips bob
- dies
- refuses to elaborate
November 18, 2025 at 1:30 AM
- catches puck
- flips bob
- dies
- refuses to elaborate
- flips bob
- dies
- refuses to elaborate
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
I know he's little but IMO they should still give him the adult procedure
November 18, 2025 at 2:20 AM
I know he's little but IMO they should still give him the adult procedure
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
The Department of Unsubtle Metaphors continues to exceed expectations
President Trump walking past the flag at the Whitehouse which has fallen to the ground
November 18, 2025 at 1:25 AM
The Department of Unsubtle Metaphors continues to exceed expectations
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
I got receipt-profiled at a market in Canada. All sorts of people coming and going and dude RAN from one end of the checkout to the other to check my receipt as I was leaving lol 🇨🇦
The Kroger in the Brewery District in Columbus started putting armed security guards at the exits to check receipts during the shoplifting panic. We don't go there much anymore, but when we do we've noticed that they check Black people's receipts at a MUCH higher rate than white people's.
November 17, 2025 at 7:31 PM
I got receipt-profiled at a market in Canada. All sorts of people coming and going and dude RAN from one end of the checkout to the other to check my receipt as I was leaving lol 🇨🇦
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
🎶 old mcdonald replaced his farm with an energy intensive data center, a i a i o 🎶
November 17, 2025 at 9:16 PM
🎶 old mcdonald replaced his farm with an energy intensive data center, a i a i o 🎶
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
I don’t want to seem out of touch but I don’t actually understand the economy anymore.
November 18, 2025 at 3:23 AM
I don’t want to seem out of touch but I don’t actually understand the economy anymore.
Me: I don’t want to promote my writing too much. Awkward.
Also me: *texts my sibling an emergency siren six times just to ask them to read what I just posted
Also me: *texts my sibling an emergency siren six times just to ask them to read what I just posted
November 18, 2025 at 4:34 AM
Me: I don’t want to promote my writing too much. Awkward.
Also me: *texts my sibling an emergency siren six times just to ask them to read what I just posted
Also me: *texts my sibling an emergency siren six times just to ask them to read what I just posted
*Trump slithers under the tree stealing Grandma Who's wrapped slippers... and her roast beast*
Fox guest on how to save money during the holidays:
"Remember, adults don't need gifts. Focus on the people in your life who are aged 3 to 18. Grandma doesn't need slippers. If they don't live by you, don't get them a gift."
"Remember, adults don't need gifts. Focus on the people in your life who are aged 3 to 18. Grandma doesn't need slippers. If they don't live by you, don't get them a gift."
November 18, 2025 at 12:57 AM
*Trump slithers under the tree stealing Grandma Who's wrapped slippers... and her roast beast*
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
WAR ON CHRISTMAS ALERT
Fox guest on how to save money during the holidays:
"Remember, adults don't need gifts. Focus on the people in your life who are aged 3 to 18. Grandma doesn't need slippers. If they don't live by you, don't get them a gift."
"Remember, adults don't need gifts. Focus on the people in your life who are aged 3 to 18. Grandma doesn't need slippers. If they don't live by you, don't get them a gift."
November 18, 2025 at 12:29 AM
WAR ON CHRISTMAS ALERT
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
Hockey is beautiful
November 17, 2025 at 3:43 PM
Hockey is beautiful
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
My husband is currently losing an argument with a corgi.
November 17, 2025 at 2:44 AM
My husband is currently losing an argument with a corgi.
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
Detroit Lions Rookie Asks For Thanksgiving Off https://theonion.com/detroit-lions-rookie-asks-for-thanksgiving-off/
November 17, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Detroit Lions Rookie Asks For Thanksgiving Off https://theonion.com/detroit-lions-rookie-asks-for-thanksgiving-off/
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
math textbook covers for some reason:
November 17, 2025 at 5:31 PM
math textbook covers for some reason:
Reposted by Michelle Milliken
Instead of the Nuzzi shit, let's focus on the fact that apparently Johnny Knoxville got married this past weekend, the wedding was officiated by John Waters, and a dog was involved
November 17, 2025 at 4:29 PM
Instead of the Nuzzi shit, let's focus on the fact that apparently Johnny Knoxville got married this past weekend, the wedding was officiated by John Waters, and a dog was involved
"You're glowing."
Thanks. My birthday is coming up, and it reminds me that my brother always thinks I'm a year younger than I am.
Thanks. My birthday is coming up, and it reminds me that my brother always thinks I'm a year younger than I am.
November 17, 2025 at 8:43 PM
"You're glowing."
Thanks. My birthday is coming up, and it reminds me that my brother always thinks I'm a year younger than I am.
Thanks. My birthday is coming up, and it reminds me that my brother always thinks I'm a year younger than I am.