Peri Winkle
@lilacdistraction.bsky.social
Warning: Sarcasm enthusiast, obsessive home cook, and occasional adult. Unapologetically me.
Views expressed are mine, mostly.
Views expressed are mine, mostly.
Reposted by Peri Winkle
My houseplants watching me pour water in the coffee maker
December 13, 2024 at 1:45 AM
My houseplants watching me pour water in the coffee maker
Reposted by Peri Winkle
curling my hair with warm hotdogs
December 9, 2024 at 4:45 PM
curling my hair with warm hotdogs
Reposted by Peri Winkle
Corn dogs are white people tamales
December 10, 2024 at 1:18 PM
Corn dogs are white people tamales
Reposted by Peri Winkle
Se7en is a Christmas movie because people talk about the Bible and Brad Pitt gets a present at the end.
December 8, 2024 at 12:05 PM
Se7en is a Christmas movie because people talk about the Bible and Brad Pitt gets a present at the end.
Reposted by Peri Winkle
this non-bend is my favorite. this is me pretending to care if a bit of diced onion went under the oven
December 8, 2024 at 9:01 PM
this non-bend is my favorite. this is me pretending to care if a bit of diced onion went under the oven
Reposted by Peri Winkle
his pen is too small, he looks like he's being raised for veal
December 8, 2024 at 4:11 PM
his pen is too small, he looks like he's being raised for veal
Reposted by Peri Winkle
we need a disney princess who eats beef jerky and masturbates
December 8, 2024 at 5:49 PM
we need a disney princess who eats beef jerky and masturbates
Reposted by Peri Winkle
IKEA INTERVIEWER: Welcome. Make a seat.
ME: Lol, you mean take a seat?
INTERVIEWER: *throwing a screwdriver at my head* MAKE A SEAT
ME: Lol, you mean take a seat?
INTERVIEWER: *throwing a screwdriver at my head* MAKE A SEAT
December 6, 2024 at 10:57 PM
IKEA INTERVIEWER: Welcome. Make a seat.
ME: Lol, you mean take a seat?
INTERVIEWER: *throwing a screwdriver at my head* MAKE A SEAT
ME: Lol, you mean take a seat?
INTERVIEWER: *throwing a screwdriver at my head* MAKE A SEAT
Reposted by Peri Winkle
I'm a soldier
In a Greek horse I hide
I'm one of
Several others inside
- Trojon Bon Jovi
In a Greek horse I hide
I'm one of
Several others inside
- Trojon Bon Jovi
December 7, 2024 at 12:47 PM
I'm a soldier
In a Greek horse I hide
I'm one of
Several others inside
- Trojon Bon Jovi
In a Greek horse I hide
I'm one of
Several others inside
- Trojon Bon Jovi
Reposted by Peri Winkle
The good thing about Steven Seagal movies is that you can just turn off the shit and watch something else.
December 7, 2024 at 3:54 PM
The good thing about Steven Seagal movies is that you can just turn off the shit and watch something else.
Reposted by Peri Winkle
sorry to the nerds with weird DNA; cilantro tastes good as hell
December 5, 2024 at 11:28 PM
sorry to the nerds with weird DNA; cilantro tastes good as hell
Reposted by Peri Winkle
every day I understand a little more why Arya Stark kept that list
December 3, 2024 at 11:08 PM
every day I understand a little more why Arya Stark kept that list
Reposted by Peri Winkle
Sure thing, Sharepoint. I want to open Excel in my browser. Why not. I want to open my powerpoint slides in minesweeper. I don't care anymore. I want to open a can of coke in a thirty foot concrete cube. Fuck it.
December 3, 2024 at 10:54 AM
Sure thing, Sharepoint. I want to open Excel in my browser. Why not. I want to open my powerpoint slides in minesweeper. I don't care anymore. I want to open a can of coke in a thirty foot concrete cube. Fuck it.
Reposted by Peri Winkle
Who else saw the movie about Martha Stewart? I've been thinking about all the damage one man – James Comey - has done to women and our country, and he likely feels zero remorse or has no clue. 😡😡
December 4, 2024 at 3:15 AM
Who else saw the movie about Martha Stewart? I've been thinking about all the damage one man – James Comey - has done to women and our country, and he likely feels zero remorse or has no clue. 😡😡
Reposted by Peri Winkle
I got 100 problems but the inability to round up ain't one.
December 2, 2024 at 10:33 PM
I got 100 problems but the inability to round up ain't one.
Reposted by Peri Winkle
This is, technically, a sandwich.
December 1, 2024 at 5:51 PM
This is, technically, a sandwich.
Reposted by Peri Winkle
I wonder if Grimace's dick has the fur on it, or if it's like a Red Rocket sort of thing, like a purple fire hydrant sliding outwards
My Barber: *standing, hands at his sides, staring at me in the mirror, unblinking*
My Barber: *standing, hands at his sides, staring at me in the mirror, unblinking*
December 1, 2024 at 3:15 PM
I wonder if Grimace's dick has the fur on it, or if it's like a Red Rocket sort of thing, like a purple fire hydrant sliding outwards
My Barber: *standing, hands at his sides, staring at me in the mirror, unblinking*
My Barber: *standing, hands at his sides, staring at me in the mirror, unblinking*
Reposted by Peri Winkle
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up.
December 1, 2024 at 4:15 AM
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up.
At 53, I am finally at Stage 2.
.
The Three Stages of Life:
1. Olives are disgusting.
2. I don’t mind olives.
3. I must inhale all of the olives.
The Three Stages of Life:
1. Olives are disgusting.
2. I don’t mind olives.
3. I must inhale all of the olives.
December 1, 2024 at 3:32 AM
At 53, I am finally at Stage 2.
Reposted by Peri Winkle
🎵deck my halls into pieces/this is my last noel🎵
December 1, 2024 at 3:08 AM
🎵deck my halls into pieces/this is my last noel🎵
Reposted by Peri Winkle
idk why the winner of a ufc fight has to talk to joe rogan they should make the loser do that
December 1, 2024 at 12:54 AM
idk why the winner of a ufc fight has to talk to joe rogan they should make the loser do that