John Proffitt
@jmproffitt.bsky.social
gov tech | media critic | snarkmaster
Ask your doctor if Affluenza™ is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Affluenza™ is right for you.
Reposted by John Proffitt
SENSEI: You can either learn karate or be a fuckboi. You can't do both.
ME: *flicks my feather earring* We'll see about that, Stephen.
ME: *flicks my feather earring* We'll see about that, Stephen.
April 7, 2025 at 11:24 AM
SENSEI: You can either learn karate or be a fuckboi. You can't do both.
ME: *flicks my feather earring* We'll see about that, Stephen.
ME: *flicks my feather earring* We'll see about that, Stephen.
Reposted by John Proffitt
[asking a friend if she caught the impressionist composer premiere his work, “La Mer”]
“Deb, you see Debussy debut Sea?”
“Deb, you see Debussy debut Sea?”
March 27, 2024 at 2:43 PM
[asking a friend if she caught the impressionist composer premiere his work, “La Mer”]
“Deb, you see Debussy debut Sea?”
“Deb, you see Debussy debut Sea?”
Reposted by John Proffitt
My favorite thing about Elon Musk is that he proves money can't buy happiness. Or class, intelligence, friendship, love, purpose, grace, a sense of humor, a clue, taste, likability, expertise, empathy, enlightenment, compassion, respect, morals or whatever is the opposite of profound creepiness
March 24, 2025 at 5:36 AM
My favorite thing about Elon Musk is that he proves money can't buy happiness. Or class, intelligence, friendship, love, purpose, grace, a sense of humor, a clue, taste, likability, expertise, empathy, enlightenment, compassion, respect, morals or whatever is the opposite of profound creepiness
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-22
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-22
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
digitalpolity.com
March 22, 2025 at 12:26 PM
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-22
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
I bet there's a lot of "family values" Cubans out there who voted for Trump and figured they would be spared this because (a) they were loyal to Trump, and (b) Cubans are escaping Communism, so they "belong" in the U.S.
But the rules are: If you're brown and/or don't speak English, you're out.
But the rules are: If you're brown and/or don't speak English, you're out.
Trump revoking legal status for 530,000 Cubans, Haitians, Nicaraguans and Venezuelans
Migrants who entered the US under the Biden-era programme will lose their deportation shield by the end of next month.
www.bbc.com
March 22, 2025 at 2:13 AM
I bet there's a lot of "family values" Cubans out there who voted for Trump and figured they would be spared this because (a) they were loyal to Trump, and (b) Cubans are escaping Communism, so they "belong" in the U.S.
But the rules are: If you're brown and/or don't speak English, you're out.
But the rules are: If you're brown and/or don't speak English, you're out.
2025 Weeknote 11 : 80% of success is showing up
My “weeknotes” capture events, thoughts, and other items from the past week, mostly focused on work. Learn more about the weeknotes concept here. March 10 - 16 I am updating the format a little this week, separating out professional notes from…
My “weeknotes” capture events, thoughts, and other items from the past week, mostly focused on work. Learn more about the weeknotes concept here. March 10 - 16 I am updating the format a little this week, separating out professional notes from…
2025 Weeknote 11 : 80% of success is showing up
My “weeknotes” capture events, thoughts, and other items from the past week, mostly focused on work. Learn more about the weeknotes concept here. March 10 - 16 I am updating the format a little this week, separating out professional notes from personal notes, in case folks are only here for one or the other. This week in professional #weeknotes…
digitalpolity.com
March 16, 2025 at 3:13 PM
2025 Weeknote 11 : 80% of success is showing up
My “weeknotes” capture events, thoughts, and other items from the past week, mostly focused on work. Learn more about the weeknotes concept here. March 10 - 16 I am updating the format a little this week, separating out professional notes from…
My “weeknotes” capture events, thoughts, and other items from the past week, mostly focused on work. Learn more about the weeknotes concept here. March 10 - 16 I am updating the format a little this week, separating out professional notes from…
Reposted by John Proffitt
Look my guy, when you take yourself that seriously, no one is going to take you seriously. Have a donut, maybe fart during your next yoga class whatever it takes
March 16, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Look my guy, when you take yourself that seriously, no one is going to take you seriously. Have a donut, maybe fart during your next yoga class whatever it takes
Reposted by John Proffitt
There once was a town called Nantucket
It was at the top of my list bucket
Then the US went bad
Very bad, very sad
I ain’t goin’ there, ever. Fuck it.
It was at the top of my list bucket
Then the US went bad
Very bad, very sad
I ain’t goin’ there, ever. Fuck it.
March 14, 2025 at 6:33 AM
There once was a town called Nantucket
It was at the top of my list bucket
Then the US went bad
Very bad, very sad
I ain’t goin’ there, ever. Fuck it.
It was at the top of my list bucket
Then the US went bad
Very bad, very sad
I ain’t goin’ there, ever. Fuck it.
Reposted by John Proffitt
Masturbation was invented when a guy noticed some dirt on his dick and started to rub it off but then was like, whoa what's this
March 15, 2025 at 6:23 PM
Masturbation was invented when a guy noticed some dirt on his dick and started to rub it off but then was like, whoa what's this
Sure, defund Habitat for Humanity. I mean, we can't even figure out what they do for humanity. It's a mystery.
March 15, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Sure, defund Habitat for Humanity. I mean, we can't even figure out what they do for humanity. It's a mystery.
In honor of the Ides of March, I'm having a He Who Shall Not Be Named Salad
March 15, 2025 at 12:06 PM
In honor of the Ides of March, I'm having a He Who Shall Not Be Named Salad
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-15
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-15
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
digitalpolity.com
March 15, 2025 at 11:50 AM
Bluesky Funnies 2025-03-15
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
In times like these, we need to laugh even more. Here's a sampling of chuckles, chortles, and LOLs I've found on Bluesky over the past week. Give these folks a follow for more.
Reposted by John Proffitt
me: another day another dollar
coworker: haha you said it
boss: *pulls me aside* it’s against policy to disclose your salary
coworker: haha you said it
boss: *pulls me aside* it’s against policy to disclose your salary
March 8, 2025 at 4:42 AM
me: another day another dollar
coworker: haha you said it
boss: *pulls me aside* it’s against policy to disclose your salary
coworker: haha you said it
boss: *pulls me aside* it’s against policy to disclose your salary
There's a gang Cold War in progress at my grocery store
March 14, 2025 at 10:45 PM
There's a gang Cold War in progress at my grocery store
Reposted by John Proffitt
River Side Casino doesn’t have a DEI policy. Everyone who works here ran out of options.
March 14, 2025 at 8:54 PM
River Side Casino doesn’t have a DEI policy. Everyone who works here ran out of options.
Reposted by John Proffitt
To whoever Yelped that the cafe prices are too high and they want to see the manager caged, we use the zoo friendly euphemism, “safely housed.”
You would like to see the cafe manager safely housed.
You would like to see the cafe manager safely housed.
March 13, 2025 at 4:53 AM
To whoever Yelped that the cafe prices are too high and they want to see the manager caged, we use the zoo friendly euphemism, “safely housed.”
You would like to see the cafe manager safely housed.
You would like to see the cafe manager safely housed.
Charles Dickens at a dinner party?
CD: "It was the best of turducken, it was the worst of turducken."
ME: "Heh. Yeah. Good one."
CD: "Please sir, may I 'ave some more?"
ME: "Riiight."
CD: "You should be cooking with... David Copperclad pots, my good man!"
ME: 😒
CD: "It was the best of turducken, it was the worst of turducken."
ME: "Heh. Yeah. Good one."
CD: "Please sir, may I 'ave some more?"
ME: "Riiight."
CD: "You should be cooking with... David Copperclad pots, my good man!"
ME: 😒
Who’s your ultimate dinner party? Six people, living or dead. You just get to watch. Or participate. Whatever.
Mine:
Charles Dickens
Douglas Adams
Mae West
Jane Goodall
David Attenborough
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Many more interesting combos possible. 😊🤞🦋
Mine:
Charles Dickens
Douglas Adams
Mae West
Jane Goodall
David Attenborough
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Many more interesting combos possible. 😊🤞🦋
March 11, 2025 at 2:06 AM
Charles Dickens at a dinner party?
CD: "It was the best of turducken, it was the worst of turducken."
ME: "Heh. Yeah. Good one."
CD: "Please sir, may I 'ave some more?"
ME: "Riiight."
CD: "You should be cooking with... David Copperclad pots, my good man!"
ME: 😒
CD: "It was the best of turducken, it was the worst of turducken."
ME: "Heh. Yeah. Good one."
CD: "Please sir, may I 'ave some more?"
ME: "Riiight."
CD: "You should be cooking with... David Copperclad pots, my good man!"
ME: 😒
Reposted by John Proffitt
when someone is being an asshole always try to be the bigger person. it’s easier to beat someone up if you’re bigger than them
March 11, 2025 at 1:45 AM
when someone is being an asshole always try to be the bigger person. it’s easier to beat someone up if you’re bigger than them
Reposted by John Proffitt
Did some grunt work today (worked on my grunt)
March 10, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Did some grunt work today (worked on my grunt)
Reposted by John Proffitt
Oh you wanna "spend time with your children" so they can " feel a sense of belonging"? OK loser
March 10, 2025 at 12:02 AM
Oh you wanna "spend time with your children" so they can " feel a sense of belonging"? OK loser
Reposted by John Proffitt
Me: Buys a refrigerator
Targeted ads forever: THIS GUY FUCKING LOVES REFRIGERATORS
Targeted ads forever: THIS GUY FUCKING LOVES REFRIGERATORS
March 9, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Me: Buys a refrigerator
Targeted ads forever: THIS GUY FUCKING LOVES REFRIGERATORS
Targeted ads forever: THIS GUY FUCKING LOVES REFRIGERATORS
Reposted by John Proffitt
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion
of combining plant and human DNA to create
a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up
the grounds they found human romaines.
of combining plant and human DNA to create
a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up
the grounds they found human romaines.
March 10, 2025 at 4:25 AM
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion
of combining plant and human DNA to create
a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up
the grounds they found human romaines.
of combining plant and human DNA to create
a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up
the grounds they found human romaines.
Reposted by John Proffitt
