Mat™️
@futurekid.bsky.social
My timeline is like jazz: it's the jokes that AREN'T funny
squeets https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7eikirzgvpma4zfkwvydka5k/feed/aaaftw77uvttc
squeets https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7eikirzgvpma4zfkwvydka5k/feed/aaaftw77uvttc
Pinned
Mat™️
@futurekid.bsky.social
· Dec 30
Me: Surely this isn't the best music you could make
Lead singer of Garbage: In fact it is and don't call me Shirley
Lead singer of Garbage: In fact it is and don't call me Shirley
Sometimes I'm hoping more for the opportunity to say "I told you so" than for the thing I told them about to not happen
March 30, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Sometimes I'm hoping more for the opportunity to say "I told you so" than for the thing I told them about to not happen
Reposted by Mat™️
America's like if a half smoked cigarette wished it was a country
March 29, 2025 at 7:03 PM
America's like if a half smoked cigarette wished it was a country
Reposted by Mat™️
Guacamole is just a goth shamrock shake.
March 29, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Guacamole is just a goth shamrock shake.
Reposted by Mat™️
Impression: ayy I'm fuckin Matt Damon and I'm on another planet eating shit potatoes
March 29, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Impression: ayy I'm fuckin Matt Damon and I'm on another planet eating shit potatoes
Reposted by Mat™️
rapunzel is the sisyphus of shampooing
March 29, 2025 at 10:17 PM
rapunzel is the sisyphus of shampooing
Reposted by Mat™️
Sometimes one air pod battery is at 87% and the other at 83% because I'm listening harder on one side
March 29, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Sometimes one air pod battery is at 87% and the other at 83% because I'm listening harder on one side
Reposted by Mat™️
Peter Peter war plan tweeter,
Fugly sex pest drunken creeper.
I hope he goes to Christian hell,
And has to bunk with Kash Patel.
Fugly sex pest drunken creeper.
I hope he goes to Christian hell,
And has to bunk with Kash Patel.
March 27, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Peter Peter war plan tweeter,
Fugly sex pest drunken creeper.
I hope he goes to Christian hell,
And has to bunk with Kash Patel.
Fugly sex pest drunken creeper.
I hope he goes to Christian hell,
And has to bunk with Kash Patel.
Reposted by Mat™️
Wuts wrong babe you’ve barely bent it like Beckham babe
March 19, 2025 at 6:40 AM
Wuts wrong babe you’ve barely bent it like Beckham babe
605 to South Street
Doritos Auto Square
Doritos Auto Square
March 20, 2025 at 12:07 AM
605 to South Street
Doritos Auto Square
Doritos Auto Square
Reposted by Mat™️
emotionally unstable senior citizen Barbie
(the movie!)
(the movie!)
March 19, 2025 at 10:58 PM
emotionally unstable senior citizen Barbie
(the movie!)
(the movie!)
Reposted by Mat™️
Need to get thrifty so i'm trademarking everything I've been told is just a me problem
March 19, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Need to get thrifty so i'm trademarking everything I've been told is just a me problem
Reposted by Mat™️
in my corn dog era
March 19, 2025 at 11:16 PM
in my corn dog era
Reposted by Mat™️
one of those GAP sweaters but it says CPAP
March 19, 2025 at 11:29 PM
one of those GAP sweaters but it says CPAP
Reposted by Mat™️
SamSedersFaceWhenHeRealizesThePersonHesTalkingToDoesntUnderstandThatGovernmentAgenciesDontPayTaxes.gif
March 10, 2025 at 7:17 PM
SamSedersFaceWhenHeRealizesThePersonHesTalkingToDoesntUnderstandThatGovernmentAgenciesDontPayTaxes.gif
Reposted by Mat™️
imagine being a hamster and also being called a hamster
like what if you didn’t even like ham
like what if you didn’t even like ham
March 9, 2025 at 4:24 AM
imagine being a hamster and also being called a hamster
like what if you didn’t even like ham
like what if you didn’t even like ham
Bruce Springsteen and the E Skeet Band
ASKEET/DSKEET
Skeet Miller Band
March 9, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Bruce Springsteen and the E Skeet Band
Fishmonger? I hardly fishknow her
March 9, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Fishmonger? I hardly fishknow her
Reposted by Mat™️
ASKEET/DSKEET
Skeet Miller Band
LL Skeet J
March 9, 2025 at 4:55 AM
ASKEET/DSKEET
Reposted by Mat™️
𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺
March 9, 2025 at 5:55 AM
𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺
Reposted by Mat™️
People who ask me for something “at your soonest convenience” have no idea how perpetually inconvenienced I am.
March 9, 2025 at 10:35 AM
People who ask me for something “at your soonest convenience” have no idea how perpetually inconvenienced I am.
Reposted by Mat™️
A year’s supply of free donuts would fix me.
Or kill me.
Same same.
Or kill me.
Same same.
March 9, 2025 at 10:36 AM
A year’s supply of free donuts would fix me.
Or kill me.
Same same.
Or kill me.
Same same.
Reposted by Mat™️
Always choose forgiveness.
Unless your name's Ripley, then you're allowed to set them on fire and eject them into space.
Unless your name's Ripley, then you're allowed to set them on fire and eject them into space.
March 9, 2025 at 11:03 AM
Always choose forgiveness.
Unless your name's Ripley, then you're allowed to set them on fire and eject them into space.
Unless your name's Ripley, then you're allowed to set them on fire and eject them into space.