Just asked my wife to give me a sneaky handjob in public and on second thought “I bet you can’t pull it off” was a terrible choice of words.
November 10, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Just asked my wife to give me a sneaky handjob in public and on second thought “I bet you can’t pull it off” was a terrible choice of words.
[movie studio]
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
November 10, 2025 at 6:57 PM
[movie studio]
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
Reposted by Little Greenis
if you start your period during the super moon you get to kill one dude
November 5, 2025 at 4:55 AM
if you start your period during the super moon you get to kill one dude
Surely there’s a frontgammon.
November 10, 2025 at 6:52 PM
Surely there’s a frontgammon.
Reposted by Little Greenis
beef stew is short for beef stewart
January 2, 2025 at 11:28 PM
beef stew is short for beef stewart
Reposted by Little Greenis
me: (talking out loud while i write in my diary) today was ok, i just wish i could have eaten more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
March 5, 2025 at 6:36 PM
me: (talking out loud while i write in my diary) today was ok, i just wish i could have eaten more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
Reposted by Little Greenis
this is my raven go quoth your own
November 9, 2025 at 8:57 PM
this is my raven go quoth your own
Reposted by Little Greenis
started from the bottom, now we here (a new bottom)
November 9, 2025 at 6:04 AM
started from the bottom, now we here (a new bottom)
If you’ve dated more than one Walter you’re letting them Walts right into your life.
November 9, 2025 at 2:32 PM
If you’ve dated more than one Walter you’re letting them Walts right into your life.
Rod Smith would be the perfect name for somebody who makes dildos.
November 7, 2025 at 3:22 PM
Rod Smith would be the perfect name for somebody who makes dildos.
Reposted by Little Greenis
The Simpsons predicted OnlyFans:
November 5, 2025 at 7:46 PM
The Simpsons predicted OnlyFans:
Christmas puns will ruin this place.
Yule see.
Yule see.
November 6, 2025 at 11:33 PM
Christmas puns will ruin this place.
Yule see.
Yule see.
Fitting that before the government legalized gay marriage, it was a mandate.
November 6, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Fitting that before the government legalized gay marriage, it was a mandate.
Reposted by Little Greenis
If you can pin an animal down in the petting zoo for a three count, you get to take it home.
March 7, 2025 at 4:23 PM
If you can pin an animal down in the petting zoo for a three count, you get to take it home.
Reposted by Little Greenis
was it my way, it was my way wasn’t it
November 3, 2025 at 9:42 PM
was it my way, it was my way wasn’t it
A reverse coffee shop where a barista shoots you point blank with a tranq dart.
November 4, 2025 at 10:03 PM
A reverse coffee shop where a barista shoots you point blank with a tranq dart.
Air tight? Yeah, air is pretty cool I guess.
November 4, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Air tight? Yeah, air is pretty cool I guess.
Reposted by Little Greenis
Alexa, change all the clocks to Hammer time.
November 2, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Alexa, change all the clocks to Hammer time.
Reposted by Little Greenis
I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock
December 2, 2024 at 11:31 AM
I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock
Reposted by Little Greenis
“Please Claudette, let me come home. I promise I’ll try to be more supportive.”
November 3, 2025 at 1:43 AM
“Please Claudette, let me come home. I promise I’ll try to be more supportive.”
Reposted by Little Greenis
You should be able to order a cigarette off the McDonald's dollar menu
October 31, 2025 at 4:23 PM
You should be able to order a cigarette off the McDonald's dollar menu
Carmichael would be a great name for a transformer.
November 3, 2025 at 3:37 PM
Carmichael would be a great name for a transformer.
*sobbing* it just feels like loyalty is a one way street with you. Is it TOO MUCH TO ASK for you to be loyal to me???
BARISTA: *hands back loyalty card*
BARISTA: *hands back loyalty card*
November 3, 2025 at 2:43 PM
*sobbing* it just feels like loyalty is a one way street with you. Is it TOO MUCH TO ASK for you to be loyal to me???
BARISTA: *hands back loyalty card*
BARISTA: *hands back loyalty card*
Almost went out tonight as a big bag of chips but I didn’t want to get all dressed.
November 1, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Almost went out tonight as a big bag of chips but I didn’t want to get all dressed.
Reposted by Little Greenis
Hey, look, they named a pizza after you
July 20, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Hey, look, they named a pizza after you