jordan [ham]
@nursemurderer.bsky.social
Pinned
happy Black History Month
imagine ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️
February 4, 2026 at 5:56 AM
imagine ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Skechers being spelled like that pisses me off
January 30, 2026 at 1:56 PM
Skechers being spelled like that pisses me off
Reposted by jordan [ham]
they say “love what you do” but sometimes you just need a damn paycheck
February 4, 2026 at 1:29 AM
they say “love what you do” but sometimes you just need a damn paycheck
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I like to do puzzles and tell people off in my mind while I work on them.
February 4, 2026 at 5:44 AM
I like to do puzzles and tell people off in my mind while I work on them.
today’s workout brought to you by: uterus bringing all the pain but as whitney on love island says “we’ll charge it to the game,” loving this diff vibe by arlo parks (and if you’re paying attention it’s only gonna be Black artists for Black history month)
February 4, 2026 at 2:55 AM
today’s workout brought to you by: uterus bringing all the pain but as whitney on love island says “we’ll charge it to the game,” loving this diff vibe by arlo parks (and if you’re paying attention it’s only gonna be Black artists for Black history month)
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I forgot what I was saying mid-sentence just to be mysterious.
February 3, 2026 at 9:52 PM
I forgot what I was saying mid-sentence just to be mysterious.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
it’s 1990 something and i’m wearing bugle boy pants and british knights sneakers to the arcade then hit up round table for pizza before we play bb wars in the woods
it’s 1990 something and I’m wearing my guess jeans and k Swiss sneakers to the blockbuster on the corner to rent horror flicks for my high school slumber party
February 3, 2026 at 7:55 PM
it’s 1990 something and i’m wearing bugle boy pants and british knights sneakers to the arcade then hit up round table for pizza before we play bb wars in the woods
it is 1990 something and i’m wearing combat boots and one of my dads flannel shirts on a date with a kid and we just saw toy story, we are in a burger king parking lot, and I say i’ve never “piped it” before when he hands me a bowl to smoke.
it’s 1990 something and i’m wearing bugle boy pants and british knights sneakers to the arcade then hit up round table for pizza before we play bb wars in the woods
it’s 1990 something and I’m wearing my guess jeans and k Swiss sneakers to the blockbuster on the corner to rent horror flicks for my high school slumber party
February 3, 2026 at 9:52 PM
it is 1990 something and i’m wearing combat boots and one of my dads flannel shirts on a date with a kid and we just saw toy story, we are in a burger king parking lot, and I say i’ve never “piped it” before when he hands me a bowl to smoke.
being in perimenopause and waking up soaked in so much sweat I had to change the sheets while also bleeding profusely with horrible cramps is not why I am being mean to you, it’s because I don’t like you.
February 3, 2026 at 9:09 PM
being in perimenopause and waking up soaked in so much sweat I had to change the sheets while also bleeding profusely with horrible cramps is not why I am being mean to you, it’s because I don’t like you.
walter so handsome (and knows his nicknames)
February 3, 2026 at 7:57 PM
walter so handsome (and knows his nicknames)
Reposted by jordan [ham]
THEM: whatcha doing with all those forks
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
February 3, 2026 at 3:11 AM
THEM: whatcha doing with all those forks
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
Reposted by jordan [ham]
hey escalator handrails that go faster than the escalator stairs, what are you doing
February 3, 2026 at 7:39 PM
hey escalator handrails that go faster than the escalator stairs, what are you doing
Reposted by jordan [ham]
helvetica sounds like a swedish black metal collective
February 3, 2026 at 7:07 PM
helvetica sounds like a swedish black metal collective
Reposted by jordan [ham]
i just committed a CRIME (got up even though a cat was on my lap)
February 3, 2026 at 4:23 PM
i just committed a CRIME (got up even though a cat was on my lap)
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Knees are the nipples of the legs
February 3, 2026 at 5:36 PM
Knees are the nipples of the legs
my friend just told me she’s going to a super bowl party that will have different tvs playing the real super bowl performance and the conservative one for her guests to which I screamed THERE IS A CONSERVATIVE SUPER BOWL PERFORMANCE?! the amount of childish disgrace is astounding.
pumped for the bad bunny super bowl and LOVING how mad the white ppl
are. I have a few of his songs in my workout videos bc that last album was A BANGER!
are. I have a few of his songs in my workout videos bc that last album was A BANGER!
February 3, 2026 at 6:55 PM
my friend just told me she’s going to a super bowl party that will have different tvs playing the real super bowl performance and the conservative one for her guests to which I screamed THERE IS A CONSERVATIVE SUPER BOWL PERFORMANCE?! the amount of childish disgrace is astounding.
I wanna get taken to the farm like the old family pets
February 3, 2026 at 3:47 AM
I wanna get taken to the farm like the old family pets
Reposted by jordan [ham]
im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.
November 9, 2025 at 7:46 PM
im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
found elon
%#$@ would be a good name for a baby
February 3, 2026 at 2:16 AM
found elon
Reposted by jordan [ham]
face id only recognizes me when i have a shredded cheese beard
February 3, 2026 at 1:36 AM
face id only recognizes me when i have a shredded cheese beard
today’s workout brought to you by: fuck chronic illness imho but this song is always a fav bc anderson is a delight
February 3, 2026 at 1:22 AM
today’s workout brought to you by: fuck chronic illness imho but this song is always a fav bc anderson is a delight
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as hot
February 2, 2026 at 5:42 AM
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as hot
Reposted by jordan [ham]
there's an old man at the gym working out in boxer shorts a ribbed white tank top undershirt and black socks pulled up nearly to his knees and i have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up
January 31, 2026 at 6:49 PM
there's an old man at the gym working out in boxer shorts a ribbed white tank top undershirt and black socks pulled up nearly to his knees and i have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up
Reposted by jordan [ham]
a playlist called “lofi beats i fucked your dad to”
February 2, 2026 at 3:44 PM
a playlist called “lofi beats i fucked your dad to”
Reposted by jordan [ham]
When a basset hound's jowls droop, it's adorable, breed appropriate and perfect, when mine do it's unnatural, unsettling and I'm melting.
February 2, 2026 at 2:03 AM
When a basset hound's jowls droop, it's adorable, breed appropriate and perfect, when mine do it's unnatural, unsettling and I'm melting.