jordan [ham]
@nursemurderer.bsky.social
Pinned
happy Black History Month
walter so handsome (and knows his nicknames)
February 3, 2026 at 7:57 PM
walter so handsome (and knows his nicknames)
Reposted by jordan [ham]
THEM: whatcha doing with all those forks
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
February 3, 2026 at 3:11 AM
THEM: whatcha doing with all those forks
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
ME [daintily positioning 700 pieces of silverware upon an altar]: it’s my shrine to tine
Reposted by jordan [ham]
hey escalator handrails that go faster than the escalator stairs, what are you doing
February 3, 2026 at 7:39 PM
hey escalator handrails that go faster than the escalator stairs, what are you doing
Reposted by jordan [ham]
helvetica sounds like a swedish black metal collective
February 3, 2026 at 7:07 PM
helvetica sounds like a swedish black metal collective
Reposted by jordan [ham]
i just committed a CRIME (got up even though a cat was on my lap)
February 3, 2026 at 4:23 PM
i just committed a CRIME (got up even though a cat was on my lap)
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Knees are the nipples of the legs
February 3, 2026 at 5:36 PM
Knees are the nipples of the legs
my friend just told me she’s going to a super bowl party that will have different tvs playing the real super bowl performance and the conservative one for her guests to which I screamed THERE IS A CONSERVATIVE SUPER BOWL PERFORMANCE?! the amount of childish disgrace is astounding.
pumped for the bad bunny super bowl and LOVING how mad the white ppl
are. I have a few of his songs in my workout videos bc that last album was A BANGER!
are. I have a few of his songs in my workout videos bc that last album was A BANGER!
February 3, 2026 at 6:55 PM
my friend just told me she’s going to a super bowl party that will have different tvs playing the real super bowl performance and the conservative one for her guests to which I screamed THERE IS A CONSERVATIVE SUPER BOWL PERFORMANCE?! the amount of childish disgrace is astounding.
I wanna get taken to the farm like the old family pets
February 3, 2026 at 3:47 AM
I wanna get taken to the farm like the old family pets
Reposted by jordan [ham]
im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.
November 9, 2025 at 7:46 PM
im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
found elon
%#$@ would be a good name for a baby
February 3, 2026 at 2:16 AM
found elon
Reposted by jordan [ham]
face id only recognizes me when i have a shredded cheese beard
February 3, 2026 at 1:36 AM
face id only recognizes me when i have a shredded cheese beard
today’s workout brought to you by: fuck chronic illness imho but this song is always a fav bc anderson is a delight
February 3, 2026 at 1:22 AM
today’s workout brought to you by: fuck chronic illness imho but this song is always a fav bc anderson is a delight
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as hot
February 2, 2026 at 5:42 AM
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as hot
Reposted by jordan [ham]
there's an old man at the gym working out in boxer shorts a ribbed white tank top undershirt and black socks pulled up nearly to his knees and i have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up
January 31, 2026 at 6:49 PM
there's an old man at the gym working out in boxer shorts a ribbed white tank top undershirt and black socks pulled up nearly to his knees and i have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up
Reposted by jordan [ham]
a playlist called “lofi beats i fucked your dad to”
February 2, 2026 at 3:44 PM
a playlist called “lofi beats i fucked your dad to”
Reposted by jordan [ham]
When a basset hound's jowls droop, it's adorable, breed appropriate and perfect, when mine do it's unnatural, unsettling and I'm melting.
February 2, 2026 at 2:03 AM
When a basset hound's jowls droop, it's adorable, breed appropriate and perfect, when mine do it's unnatural, unsettling and I'm melting.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
BREAKING: The Worst People You Know Are Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much Worse Than You Know
February 2, 2026 at 5:59 PM
BREAKING: The Worst People You Know Are Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much, Much Worse Than You Know
Reposted by jordan [ham]
fuck i mixed up pavlov with schrödinger and now every time i ring a bell a cat might die
February 2, 2026 at 5:05 PM
fuck i mixed up pavlov with schrödinger and now every time i ring a bell a cat might die
Reposted by jordan [ham]
no one knows what reality is and yet here we are touching it and giggling like mad
February 2, 2026 at 7:12 PM
no one knows what reality is and yet here we are touching it and giggling like mad
Reposted by jordan [ham]
This day in history. 1952. In the UK the first TV detector van was unveiled, to be used to menace those with unlicensed TV sets. In Canada we had the same thing but for unlicensed personal Zambonis.
February 1, 2026 at 10:19 AM
This day in history. 1952. In the UK the first TV detector van was unveiled, to be used to menace those with unlicensed TV sets. In Canada we had the same thing but for unlicensed personal Zambonis.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
My tiny shred of sunshine today comes from the company I use for composting at my business, who signs off on all their emails with the salutation 'Worm wishes'
February 2, 2026 at 8:30 PM
My tiny shred of sunshine today comes from the company I use for composting at my business, who signs off on all their emails with the salutation 'Worm wishes'
Reposted by jordan [ham]
what if I wanna find out before I fuck around what then
February 2, 2026 at 9:52 PM
what if I wanna find out before I fuck around what then
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Me (when someone quotes my post): No, bitch
Me (when I quote someone's post & they detach it): No, bitch
Me (when I quote someone's post & they detach it): No, bitch
February 2, 2026 at 10:04 PM
Me (when someone quotes my post): No, bitch
Me (when I quote someone's post & they detach it): No, bitch
Me (when I quote someone's post & they detach it): No, bitch
Reposted by jordan [ham]
being the best friend that I can be (bringing an Italian party sub to the hospital after my friend gives birth)
February 2, 2026 at 6:10 PM
being the best friend that I can be (bringing an Italian party sub to the hospital after my friend gives birth)
Reposted by jordan [ham]
