jordan [ham]
@nursemurderer.bsky.social
Pinned
happy Black History Month
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Mambo #5 was the confession of a serial killer
February 6, 2026 at 4:18 PM
Mambo #5 was the confession of a serial killer
Reposted by jordan [ham]
not my fault 69 is the perfect temperature in my car and apartment
February 6, 2026 at 3:12 PM
not my fault 69 is the perfect temperature in my car and apartment
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I hope she doesn't mind im a "dinner at 6pm" type.
February 6, 2026 at 4:35 PM
I hope she doesn't mind im a "dinner at 6pm" type.
him: would you say you’re silly?
me: i’m half goose, on my dads side
me: i’m half goose, on my dads side
February 6, 2026 at 4:45 PM
him: would you say you’re silly?
me: i’m half goose, on my dads side
me: i’m half goose, on my dads side
today’s workout brought to you by: getting clarification from people helps bc they don’t be thinking when they speak, stolen LAnd hat from illegal drip, and nispey 🖤
February 6, 2026 at 3:22 AM
today’s workout brought to you by: getting clarification from people helps bc they don’t be thinking when they speak, stolen LAnd hat from illegal drip, and nispey 🖤
Reposted by jordan [ham]
it used to be that you only had to catch up on the horrors two or three times a day but then they said oh no no no that’s not enough horrors
February 6, 2026 at 12:51 AM
it used to be that you only had to catch up on the horrors two or three times a day but then they said oh no no no that’s not enough horrors
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I was raised catholic. My folks weren’t religious, they just liked fuckin with me
February 18, 2025 at 9:42 PM
I was raised catholic. My folks weren’t religious, they just liked fuckin with me
Reposted by jordan [ham]
viva los angeles
February 6, 2026 at 12:48 AM
viva los angeles
tried to catch video of a huge bird soaring through a canyon and was so high I just watched the bird through my phone without recording anything
February 6, 2026 at 12:44 AM
tried to catch video of a huge bird soaring through a canyon and was so high I just watched the bird through my phone without recording anything
Reposted by jordan [ham]
let’s get matching tattoos and donuts
February 5, 2026 at 5:36 AM
let’s get matching tattoos and donuts
Reposted by jordan [ham]
if we got a cuck chair it would just end up being a cat chair
February 5, 2026 at 3:34 AM
if we got a cuck chair it would just end up being a cat chair
Reposted by jordan [ham]
an accent could be a cheese curd
February 4, 2026 at 2:35 AM
an accent could be a cheese curd
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Why couldn’t you have told me I’m the River Spirit Kohaku before I bought all these spatulas.
January 24, 2026 at 9:47 PM
Why couldn’t you have told me I’m the River Spirit Kohaku before I bought all these spatulas.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER TO EAT CARRION SOMETIMES BUT MOSTLY TO COMMIT UNTHINKABLE ATROCITIES.
February 4, 2026 at 4:17 AM
BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER TO EAT CARRION SOMETIMES BUT MOSTLY TO COMMIT UNTHINKABLE ATROCITIES.
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I just signed a @uscedp.bsky.social petition: Gov. Ivey: Please Grant Clemency to Charles "Sonny" Burton Who Faces Execution Despite Not Having Killed Anyone. Sign here: actionnetwork.org/petitions/go...
Gov. Ivey: Please Grant Clemency to Charles "Sonny" Burton Who Faces Execution Despite Not Having Killed Anyone
The State of Alabama wants to execute Charles "Sonny" Burton for capital murder. But Sonny never killed anyone. The identity of the shooter, Derrick DeBruce, was never in dispute. However, Alabama al...
actionnetwork.org
February 4, 2026 at 2:28 PM
I just signed a @uscedp.bsky.social petition: Gov. Ivey: Please Grant Clemency to Charles "Sonny" Burton Who Faces Execution Despite Not Having Killed Anyone. Sign here: actionnetwork.org/petitions/go...
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Making all my phone calls from the bathroom now to sound more presidential
February 3, 2026 at 4:31 AM
Making all my phone calls from the bathroom now to sound more presidential
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Antifa would be a beautiful girl's name
February 3, 2026 at 7:47 AM
Antifa would be a beautiful girl's name
Reposted by jordan [ham]
This meeting could’ve been a karate match
February 5, 2026 at 2:33 AM
This meeting could’ve been a karate match
Reposted by jordan [ham]
now *this* is a statement w substance
some people on bluesky are not following me and idk why tbh bc i’m a gddmn delight
some people on Bluesky think that making blanket statements without any substance is a sign of intellectual sophistication
February 5, 2026 at 2:41 AM
now *this* is a statement w substance
Reposted by jordan [ham]
At this point, I won't even have ice in my drinks, let alone
February 2, 2026 at 12:13 PM
At this point, I won't even have ice in my drinks, let alone
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I need to stop buying up domain names out of spite because I am surprised when I get charged for renewal two years after I was mad
February 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
I need to stop buying up domain names out of spite because I am surprised when I get charged for renewal two years after I was mad
Reposted by jordan [ham]
I fell asleep while a Jellyroll song was on and now all of my neighbors’ catalytic converters are missing
February 3, 2026 at 1:15 PM
I fell asleep while a Jellyroll song was on and now all of my neighbors’ catalytic converters are missing
Reposted by jordan [ham]
Pizzagate deserved to be the name of something way more funny
February 4, 2026 at 1:23 PM
Pizzagate deserved to be the name of something way more funny
today’s workout brought to you by: working out in water registers as a wild amount of cals burned on the watch if it is real lol none of this is real, love warren g and nate dogg classic also McD 😎
February 5, 2026 at 1:14 AM
today’s workout brought to you by: working out in water registers as a wild amount of cals burned on the watch if it is real lol none of this is real, love warren g and nate dogg classic also McD 😎