If I had a Time Machine I’d probably travel forward to a few moments before my death and then just die.
January 11, 2026 at 10:35 AM
If I had a Time Machine I’d probably travel forward to a few moments before my death and then just die.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Things are grim right now but as a reminder of who we are and why we fight, this is the US Women’s figuring skating champion.
January 10, 2026 at 11:43 PM
Things are grim right now but as a reminder of who we are and why we fight, this is the US Women’s figuring skating champion.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Am I supposed to pray over leftovers?
Me: "Lord, it's me again with the spaghetti..."
Me: "Lord, it's me again with the spaghetti..."
January 10, 2026 at 4:25 PM
Am I supposed to pray over leftovers?
Me: "Lord, it's me again with the spaghetti..."
Me: "Lord, it's me again with the spaghetti..."
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Having a family meeting today to address the quality of dog reels being shared - you don’t have to send everything have some standards
January 10, 2026 at 3:37 PM
Having a family meeting today to address the quality of dog reels being shared - you don’t have to send everything have some standards
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Is everyone else getting targeted ads for boxer briefs with built-in piss pads???
December 31, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Is everyone else getting targeted ads for boxer briefs with built-in piss pads???
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Okay, fine. I’ll stop talking about my tits online and get dressed to go to Costco.
December 31, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Okay, fine. I’ll stop talking about my tits online and get dressed to go to Costco.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Could France or some other country just start blowing up billionaires' yachts because they almost assuredly have drugs on them?
October 28, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Could France or some other country just start blowing up billionaires' yachts because they almost assuredly have drugs on them?
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Whenever a thin friend says they’re so fat I agree with them and then look for a new friend
June 7, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Whenever a thin friend says they’re so fat I agree with them and then look for a new friend
Time to get up, guys - it’s fuck this shit o’clock.
June 7, 2025 at 12:24 PM
Time to get up, guys - it’s fuck this shit o’clock.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
What we need are more ugly electric cars made by wankers.
April 19, 2025 at 4:35 PM
What we need are more ugly electric cars made by wankers.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Forgive yourself. Then eat three bananas. Regret is useless. Potassium isn't.
April 19, 2025 at 11:09 AM
Forgive yourself. Then eat three bananas. Regret is useless. Potassium isn't.
Democracy, but without billionaires and idiots.
April 19, 2025 at 10:09 AM
Democracy, but without billionaires and idiots.
Wife: “What are you thinking?”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
April 19, 2025 at 10:02 AM
Wife: “What are you thinking?”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
going to go be absorbed by the earth, anybody need anything?
April 19, 2025 at 5:48 AM
going to go be absorbed by the earth, anybody need anything?
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Don’t forget to leave room for Jesus in your orgy this holy weekend.
April 18, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Don’t forget to leave room for Jesus in your orgy this holy weekend.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
"Trans people have always existed"
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
April 19, 2025 at 12:41 AM
"Trans people have always existed"
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
You can’t have your cake and eat it too (I ate your cake)
March 26, 2025 at 8:56 PM
You can’t have your cake and eat it too (I ate your cake)
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Fall in love? No thanks, I’d rather fall to my death
March 26, 2025 at 11:57 PM
Fall in love? No thanks, I’d rather fall to my death
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Hey. America. Are there only standing tickets left for this shit show?
March 27, 2025 at 6:34 AM
Hey. America. Are there only standing tickets left for this shit show?
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Nah the printer trying to get me a call from HR
February 5, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Nah the printer trying to get me a call from HR
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
The US government is a guy feeding ducks, leaning on a do not feed the ducks sign, complaining about how fat the ducks are.
February 6, 2025 at 5:53 AM
The US government is a guy feeding ducks, leaning on a do not feed the ducks sign, complaining about how fat the ducks are.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
"And what should we call this letter?"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
February 6, 2025 at 3:12 AM
"And what should we call this letter?"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Sharks would be a lot scarier if their fins had hands.
February 5, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Sharks would be a lot scarier if their fins had hands.