Pauly Biscuit
@paulybiscuit.bsky.social
I like pickleball, bourbon, cooking, good vibes, absurdist fiction, and creative cursing. Do no harm, take no shit, and wear sunscreen.
Pinned
Pauly Biscuit
@paulybiscuit.bsky.social
· Dec 11
For every "fuck around" there is an equal and opposite "find out".
-Sir Isaac Newton (paraphrased)
-Sir Isaac Newton (paraphrased)
Loot that drops after defeating me:
-head and wrist sweat bands
-Pilot G-2 Gel pen
-bourbon bottle with one shot left
-spice mix heavy on paprika, cumin and garlic
-cat hair
-head and wrist sweat bands
-Pilot G-2 Gel pen
-bourbon bottle with one shot left
-spice mix heavy on paprika, cumin and garlic
-cat hair
Loot that drops after defeating me:
-a buttplug
-a burrito
-$2
-a comically small pocket knife
-pocket skittles
-a buttplug
-a burrito
-$2
-a comically small pocket knife
-pocket skittles
Loot that drops after defeating me:
-a photo album with pics of all the cats I've met
-a 6 pack of Incline marionberry cider
-four internet domains
-a latex pony mask
-a half-smoked cigarette
-a photo album with pics of all the cats I've met
-a 6 pack of Incline marionberry cider
-four internet domains
-a latex pony mask
-a half-smoked cigarette
February 5, 2026 at 2:54 PM
Loot that drops after defeating me:
-head and wrist sweat bands
-Pilot G-2 Gel pen
-bourbon bottle with one shot left
-spice mix heavy on paprika, cumin and garlic
-cat hair
-head and wrist sweat bands
-Pilot G-2 Gel pen
-bourbon bottle with one shot left
-spice mix heavy on paprika, cumin and garlic
-cat hair
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
My three core values are distraction, delusion and whimsy
September 11, 2025 at 8:29 PM
My three core values are distraction, delusion and whimsy
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
Would playing with your boobs help?
Well, then I’m out of ideas.
Well, then I’m out of ideas.
September 11, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Would playing with your boobs help?
Well, then I’m out of ideas.
Well, then I’m out of ideas.
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
True story: kid's first complete sentence came from the backseat of my car. I thought she was asleep and I was navigating traffic in England. I gave my opinion on their vehicular abilities...like you do...when from the backseat I hear an echo of what I said:
"Goddamn stupid fucking drivers"
"Goddamn stupid fucking drivers"
September 11, 2025 at 7:22 PM
True story: kid's first complete sentence came from the backseat of my car. I thought she was asleep and I was navigating traffic in England. I gave my opinion on their vehicular abilities...like you do...when from the backseat I hear an echo of what I said:
"Goddamn stupid fucking drivers"
"Goddamn stupid fucking drivers"
Just read this passage, which gave me all the feels:
"The whole thing smelled like a thrift store that had been baked in a low oven and felt like a too-tight and too-long hug by a rejected Muppet."
-from Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson
"The whole thing smelled like a thrift store that had been baked in a low oven and felt like a too-tight and too-long hug by a rejected Muppet."
-from Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson
September 11, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Just read this passage, which gave me all the feels:
"The whole thing smelled like a thrift store that had been baked in a low oven and felt like a too-tight and too-long hug by a rejected Muppet."
-from Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson
"The whole thing smelled like a thrift store that had been baked in a low oven and felt like a too-tight and too-long hug by a rejected Muppet."
-from Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson
Squirrels have been playing fucking Plinko with acorns right above where I sit on my back deck. 25 pts if they hit my book, 50 pts if they hit me in the head, and 100 pts if they nail my bourbon glass. They're up to 225 today.
September 11, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Squirrels have been playing fucking Plinko with acorns right above where I sit on my back deck. 25 pts if they hit my book, 50 pts if they hit me in the head, and 100 pts if they nail my bourbon glass. They're up to 225 today.
The new Pope is all...
two men are driving a car with the words " we 're on a mission from god "
ALT: two men are driving a car with the words " we 're on a mission from god "
media.tenor.com
May 8, 2025 at 10:22 PM
The new Pope is all...
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
I get it ham, I’m spiraling too
April 20, 2025 at 2:17 PM
I get it ham, I’m spiraling too
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
ah yes, his lesser known cousin—the Ether Bunny
April 18, 2025 at 6:26 PM
ah yes, his lesser known cousin—the Ether Bunny
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
Attention, visitors. Please disregard the previous announcement stating “Any part of the zoo can be a petting zoo if you’re not a coward.” And Pete, stay away from the goddam PA system.
April 6, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Attention, visitors. Please disregard the previous announcement stating “Any part of the zoo can be a petting zoo if you’re not a coward.” And Pete, stay away from the goddam PA system.
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
I hope my use of made up words doesn't make you discomfortable
April 12, 2025 at 4:25 PM
I hope my use of made up words doesn't make you discomfortable
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
KARMASUTRA:
(n.) When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways
(n.) When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways
March 31, 2025 at 4:27 PM
KARMASUTRA:
(n.) When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways
(n.) When life fucks you in all sorts of creative ways
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
April fools you say?
*Starts gently ladling lemon curd onto the trebuchet*
*Starts gently ladling lemon curd onto the trebuchet*
March 31, 2025 at 4:38 PM
April fools you say?
*Starts gently ladling lemon curd onto the trebuchet*
*Starts gently ladling lemon curd onto the trebuchet*
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
Swear to god, if I have to unleash my squadron of steampunk battle beetles...
March 31, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Swear to god, if I have to unleash my squadron of steampunk battle beetles...
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
Maturity is when your brain screams "fuck you" but your fingers type "have a great day".
March 29, 2025 at 11:20 AM
Maturity is when your brain screams "fuck you" but your fingers type "have a great day".
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
is the plural roasts beef like attorneys general or roast beeves like leaves
March 24, 2025 at 3:52 AM
is the plural roasts beef like attorneys general or roast beeves like leaves
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
What the fuck someone just gave me the nuclear codes on animal crossing
March 24, 2025 at 7:14 PM
What the fuck someone just gave me the nuclear codes on animal crossing
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
Need to get thrifty so i'm trademarking everything I've been told is just a me problem
March 19, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Need to get thrifty so i'm trademarking everything I've been told is just a me problem
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
There’s this muppet on TikTok who transcribes and then scats incredibly difficult jazz solos so well and I could not possibly love a thing more
March 18, 2025 at 1:00 AM
There’s this muppet on TikTok who transcribes and then scats incredibly difficult jazz solos so well and I could not possibly love a thing more
Reposted by Pauly Biscuit
If there's one thing I've learned from this precious, wild life, it's that I probably shouldn't speak. Ever. Like EVER.
March 15, 2025 at 6:10 PM
If there's one thing I've learned from this precious, wild life, it's that I probably shouldn't speak. Ever. Like EVER.