Grimm
@grimmreality.bsky.social
Sometimes drunk. Profoundly undateable. I use the c-word as if I am Scottish but am not. Shitposting through the dumbfuckpocalypse. Vet my stupid shit here: https://
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaagblxcbo6g6
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaagblxcbo6g6
Pinned
Grimm
@grimmreality.bsky.social
· Oct 19
HEY, we can do pinned posts now so I am going back to this old chestnut as my calling card.
Meatloaf is just a big fat fucken pan of sausage.
January 4, 2026 at 8:47 PM
Meatloaf is just a big fat fucken pan of sausage.
Reposted by Grimm
Like crows pecking through your garbage cans, these are the days of our lives
January 4, 2026 at 7:43 PM
Like crows pecking through your garbage cans, these are the days of our lives
Reposted by Grimm
Cop: Have you been drinking, sir?
Me: [just crashed into a tree completely sober while Googling “robot dicks”] Yes
Me: [just crashed into a tree completely sober while Googling “robot dicks”] Yes
December 20, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Cop: Have you been drinking, sir?
Me: [just crashed into a tree completely sober while Googling “robot dicks”] Yes
Me: [just crashed into a tree completely sober while Googling “robot dicks”] Yes
Reposted by Grimm
not all heroes wear capes some of us wear white t-shirts while not wearing a bra
June 22, 2025 at 7:32 PM
not all heroes wear capes some of us wear white t-shirts while not wearing a bra
Reposted by Grimm
the secret to not knowing what the hell is going on in the world is to suddenly go through the worst psychological and emotional pain of your life and spend the next three months trying to find your feet again
January 4, 2026 at 4:20 AM
the secret to not knowing what the hell is going on in the world is to suddenly go through the worst psychological and emotional pain of your life and spend the next three months trying to find your feet again
Reposted by Grimm
MY UNCLE: With great power comes great responsibility.
ME WITH NEW SUPER POWERS: Got it.
[LATER THAT DAY: DOCTOR'S OFFICE]
ME: What is the cure for super powers?
ME WITH NEW SUPER POWERS: Got it.
[LATER THAT DAY: DOCTOR'S OFFICE]
ME: What is the cure for super powers?
January 4, 2025 at 10:04 PM
MY UNCLE: With great power comes great responsibility.
ME WITH NEW SUPER POWERS: Got it.
[LATER THAT DAY: DOCTOR'S OFFICE]
ME: What is the cure for super powers?
ME WITH NEW SUPER POWERS: Got it.
[LATER THAT DAY: DOCTOR'S OFFICE]
ME: What is the cure for super powers?
Reposted by Grimm
“Sorry, you met me at a weird time in my life." -Me meeting anyone at any time in my life
January 3, 2026 at 5:09 AM
“Sorry, you met me at a weird time in my life." -Me meeting anyone at any time in my life
Reposted by Grimm
on a government watchlist for perfect sweeties
January 3, 2026 at 1:09 AM
on a government watchlist for perfect sweeties
Matt Taibbi went to work for full-throated neo-nazi to stovepipe a non-story and when that neo-nazi got irked at him for some minor infraction of master-race code Matt Taibbi typed a public response emphasizing how he, Taibbi, had dutifully refrained from saying anything critical about the neo-nazi.
Matt Taibbi has been melting down over Zohran Mamdani saying "collectivism" and now he's comparing Mamdani to Stalin.
January 3, 2026 at 4:06 AM
Matt Taibbi went to work for full-throated neo-nazi to stovepipe a non-story and when that neo-nazi got irked at him for some minor infraction of master-race code Matt Taibbi typed a public response emphasizing how he, Taibbi, had dutifully refrained from saying anything critical about the neo-nazi.
Reposted by Grimm
You look sane and put together. Blocked.
January 3, 2026 at 1:31 AM
You look sane and put together. Blocked.
Reposted by Grimm
I'm just getting my own cognitive tests weekly too but in the form of 'fuck is it trash day even though it was technically a holiday?'.
January 2, 2026 at 6:26 PM
I'm just getting my own cognitive tests weekly too but in the form of 'fuck is it trash day even though it was technically a holiday?'.
Reposted by Grimm
When you get confused by how an oven mit fits, you know the edible is good
January 2, 2026 at 7:09 PM
When you get confused by how an oven mit fits, you know the edible is good
Reposted by Grimm
I'm tired of people trying to get me to fulfill prophecy. Stop trying to get me to fulfill prophecy, I'm busy. I got stuff going on.
January 2, 2026 at 10:29 PM
I'm tired of people trying to get me to fulfill prophecy. Stop trying to get me to fulfill prophecy, I'm busy. I got stuff going on.
AETIUS briefly staves off the imminent dissolution of the bedraggled Western Roman Empire by fighting Attila's army to a draw at the Catalonian Plains.
EATIUS reignites the war at the peace summit by devouring an entire roast boar that was supposed to be for everyone.
EATIUS reignites the war at the peace summit by devouring an entire roast boar that was supposed to be for everyone.
January 2, 2026 at 10:44 PM
AETIUS briefly staves off the imminent dissolution of the bedraggled Western Roman Empire by fighting Attila's army to a draw at the Catalonian Plains.
EATIUS reignites the war at the peace summit by devouring an entire roast boar that was supposed to be for everyone.
EATIUS reignites the war at the peace summit by devouring an entire roast boar that was supposed to be for everyone.
Reposted by Grimm
"average person takes 1 dementia test per year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person takes zero dementia tests per year. Alzheimers Georg, who lives in white house & takes over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
October 29, 2025 at 1:54 AM
"average person takes 1 dementia test per year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person takes zero dementia tests per year. Alzheimers Georg, who lives in white house & takes over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
Reposted by Grimm
lately I have been living my life as if it's around 400 AD: the hegemonic empire that dominated my possibility space for most of my life is in an unarrestable and active decline, and I'm not gonna bother factoring its potential recovery and ability to find and hurt me at a distance into my anxieties
January 2, 2026 at 7:58 AM
lately I have been living my life as if it's around 400 AD: the hegemonic empire that dominated my possibility space for most of my life is in an unarrestable and active decline, and I'm not gonna bother factoring its potential recovery and ability to find and hurt me at a distance into my anxieties
Reposted by Grimm
sometimes at work I'm cc'd onto a salesperson's email thread and it always looks like this:
Someone would like to buy a product. Can we make that happen?
Good question. First, we need them to give us some money.
Sounds good, can anyone help with that?
Absolutely. They just need to know how much
Someone would like to buy a product. Can we make that happen?
Good question. First, we need them to give us some money.
Sounds good, can anyone help with that?
Absolutely. They just need to know how much
January 2, 2026 at 7:00 PM
sometimes at work I'm cc'd onto a salesperson's email thread and it always looks like this:
Someone would like to buy a product. Can we make that happen?
Good question. First, we need them to give us some money.
Sounds good, can anyone help with that?
Absolutely. They just need to know how much
Someone would like to buy a product. Can we make that happen?
Good question. First, we need them to give us some money.
Sounds good, can anyone help with that?
Absolutely. They just need to know how much
Reposted by Grimm
they got us all to stop smoking, and for what?
January 2, 2026 at 3:26 AM
they got us all to stop smoking, and for what?
Reposted by Grimm
It's a night of bangers. Send me your favorite so I can share it with everyone.
January 2, 2026 at 2:09 AM
It's a night of bangers. Send me your favorite so I can share it with everyone.
Reposted by Grimm
Asked to see the secret menu at McDonald's and Grimace showed me his weird dick
January 2, 2026 at 4:32 AM
Asked to see the secret menu at McDonald's and Grimace showed me his weird dick
If you haven't heard any of this yet today and you are still pretty mad about it, you're pretty likely an awful piece of shit to whom I would ask two questions: 1) HEY, DID ZOHRAN UNWIN THE NYC MAYOR'S OFFICE YET OR NAH? and 2) HAHA SUCK IT
Reagan, 1981: “In the present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”
Clinton, 1996: “I say again, the era of big government is over. But we cannot go back to the era of fending for yourself.”
Mamdani, 2026:
Clinton, 1996: “I say again, the era of big government is over. But we cannot go back to the era of fending for yourself.”
Mamdani, 2026:
January 2, 2026 at 4:45 AM
If you haven't heard any of this yet today and you are still pretty mad about it, you're pretty likely an awful piece of shit to whom I would ask two questions: 1) HEY, DID ZOHRAN UNWIN THE NYC MAYOR'S OFFICE YET OR NAH? and 2) HAHA SUCK IT
Reposted by Grimm
just saw a billionaire pack all his things in a bindle and start leaving new york city on foot. he turned and looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “maybe one day when this city is safe we’ll return” before walking away
January 1, 2026 at 6:59 PM
just saw a billionaire pack all his things in a bindle and start leaving new york city on foot. he turned and looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “maybe one day when this city is safe we’ll return” before walking away
Reposted by Grimm
Lots of exciting additions to the public domain this year, like Betty Boop, The Maltese Falcon, and your mom.
January 1, 2026 at 11:45 PM
Lots of exciting additions to the public domain this year, like Betty Boop, The Maltese Falcon, and your mom.
Reposted by Grimm
Mamdani: I have been told that this is the occasion to reset expectations, that I should use this opportunity to encourage the people of New York to ask for little and expect even less. I will do no such thing. The only expectation I seek to reset is that of small expectations.
January 1, 2026 at 7:54 PM
Mamdani: I have been told that this is the occasion to reset expectations, that I should use this opportunity to encourage the people of New York to ask for little and expect even less. I will do no such thing. The only expectation I seek to reset is that of small expectations.
Reposted by Grimm
I’m looking for someone to cut off my left arm and beat me with it. No weirdos.
January 1, 2026 at 6:04 PM
I’m looking for someone to cut off my left arm and beat me with it. No weirdos.