Samwise Altman’s Confabulation Emporium
@gl1tchy.bsky.social
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“You think I wanna jack this rip?” please say one normal thing Matt Damon
January 24, 2026 at 5:35 AM
“You think I wanna jack this rip?” please say one normal thing Matt Damon
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As screenwriter of the Labubu movie I want to clear up some misconceptions. Yes, technically they do eat human flesh, but only necrotic tissue around wounds. Doctors use them to clean up injuries and promote positive health outcomes. Labubus are humanity’s allies, except for evil Labubus of course
January 17, 2026 at 6:48 PM
As screenwriter of the Labubu movie I want to clear up some misconceptions. Yes, technically they do eat human flesh, but only necrotic tissue around wounds. Doctors use them to clean up injuries and promote positive health outcomes. Labubus are humanity’s allies, except for evil Labubus of course
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FOX: Where’s the protest against the regime that's killing people in the street right now?
Trent: They are doing those today. It’s called the ICE protests
FOX: Are they talking about Iran at the ICE protests?
Trent: No, I think they are talking about the regime that is shooting people in the face
Trent: They are doing those today. It’s called the ICE protests
FOX: Are they talking about Iran at the ICE protests?
Trent: No, I think they are talking about the regime that is shooting people in the face
January 11, 2026 at 5:44 PM
FOX: Where’s the protest against the regime that's killing people in the street right now?
Trent: They are doing those today. It’s called the ICE protests
FOX: Are they talking about Iran at the ICE protests?
Trent: No, I think they are talking about the regime that is shooting people in the face
Trent: They are doing those today. It’s called the ICE protests
FOX: Are they talking about Iran at the ICE protests?
Trent: No, I think they are talking about the regime that is shooting people in the face
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in 2017 we basically ran everyone who took this tone about heather heyer out of society. they had to reregister their dns in russia
Jesse Watters highlights that Renee Nicole Good, the woman killed by ICE, had "pronouns in her bio" and "leaves behind a lesbian partner and a child from a previous marriage"
January 8, 2026 at 7:39 AM
in 2017 we basically ran everyone who took this tone about heather heyer out of society. they had to reregister their dns in russia
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The countdown of our most-read pieces of 2025 continues! Here's #21:
The Mastermind Box Cover: What the Hell Were They Thinking?
- - -INVICTA GAMES, LTD. Packaging Team — Official Minutes Project: Mastermind / New Cover Presentation MARTIN SMITH (Marketing Senior Vice Presi...
buff.ly
December 27, 2025 at 4:00 PM
The countdown of our most-read pieces of 2025 continues! Here's #21:
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You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
December 26, 2025 at 1:51 AM
You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
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They’re trying to establish a hereditary nobility. The founders themselves made issuing titles of nobility illegal.
We should mock these fools, who think a tiny drop of founders’ blood makes them better than other people.
We should mock these fools, who think a tiny drop of founders’ blood makes them better than other people.
If immigrating from England makes you a "heritage American" then I guess I'm one too.
December 20, 2025 at 3:27 PM
They’re trying to establish a hereditary nobility. The founders themselves made issuing titles of nobility illegal.
We should mock these fools, who think a tiny drop of founders’ blood makes them better than other people.
We should mock these fools, who think a tiny drop of founders’ blood makes them better than other people.
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This is fucking grim. Somebody invented a white guy, an "IT professional" named Edward Crabtree, who stopped the Bondi shooting and spread it all over the internet, which was picked up by AI agents and slop aggregation sites.
The real hero is a fruit stand owner named Ahmed el Ahmed.
The real hero is a fruit stand owner named Ahmed el Ahmed.
December 14, 2025 at 8:02 PM
This is fucking grim. Somebody invented a white guy, an "IT professional" named Edward Crabtree, who stopped the Bondi shooting and spread it all over the internet, which was picked up by AI agents and slop aggregation sites.
The real hero is a fruit stand owner named Ahmed el Ahmed.
The real hero is a fruit stand owner named Ahmed el Ahmed.
You don’t need quads. Triples is best, but even doubles are safe
December 10, 2025 at 9:58 AM
You don’t need quads. Triples is best, but even doubles are safe
The most infuriating thing is that they are theoretically correct, but feel the right to be completely untethered from application.
November 19, 2025 at 12:07 PM
The most infuriating thing is that they are theoretically correct, but feel the right to be completely untethered from application.
Load the ashes in a skeet slinger, shoot it off some cliff in Wyoming 🫡
November 4, 2025 at 12:22 PM
Load the ashes in a skeet slinger, shoot it off some cliff in Wyoming 🫡
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I entirely forgot that I made this anti-ASMR video (Sound warning headphones users)
October 27, 2025 at 2:03 AM
I entirely forgot that I made this anti-ASMR video (Sound warning headphones users)
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I regret to inform you that Gwar has pushed the boundaries of good taste.
September 22, 2025 at 7:50 PM
I regret to inform you that Gwar has pushed the boundaries of good taste.
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It’s pretty funny that Eminem became a guy who would be really excited to vote for Mayor Pete. It’s like he received the exact opposite energy Kanye got. He’s probably at home in a comfy chair reading a John le Carre novel right now.
September 20, 2025 at 10:31 PM
It’s pretty funny that Eminem became a guy who would be really excited to vote for Mayor Pete. It’s like he received the exact opposite energy Kanye got. He’s probably at home in a comfy chair reading a John le Carre novel right now.
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the real glory of world war two was that it involved a warrior cult being ground down and beaten to a pulp by people who would rather have been doing something else.
Hegseth: "Maximum lethality -- not tepid legality. Violent effect, not politically correct. We're gonna raise up warriors. Not just defenders."
September 5, 2025 at 10:11 PM
the real glory of world war two was that it involved a warrior cult being ground down and beaten to a pulp by people who would rather have been doing something else.
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"Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave."
Seven Bar Jokes Involving Grammar and Punctuation
1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves. 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartende...
buff.ly
August 19, 2025 at 1:37 PM
"Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave."
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The conservative assertion that there is a crisis of masculinity in America is best understood as a confession
bragging about being a giant pussy is integral to the conservative mindset
August 12, 2025 at 4:40 PM
The conservative assertion that there is a crisis of masculinity in America is best understood as a confession
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the majority of my museum experience is walking up to a portrait and thinking “look at this fucking guy”
August 1, 2025 at 1:12 PM
the majority of my museum experience is walking up to a portrait and thinking “look at this fucking guy”
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It's a bizarre and frankly alienating feeling realizing that if you know the basic fact that the murder rate has gone down significantly since 1990 you're in the ~90th+ percentile of fact-knowers
Once again, Gen X is super wrong, but they're confidently wrong.
July 31, 2025 at 4:47 AM
It's a bizarre and frankly alienating feeling realizing that if you know the basic fact that the murder rate has gone down significantly since 1990 you're in the ~90th+ percentile of fact-knowers
A historian is a linguist who can do arithmetic. An economist is a historian who can do calculus.
July 17, 2025 at 11:27 PM
A historian is a linguist who can do arithmetic. An economist is a historian who can do calculus.
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Decades of mechanistic talk about university degrees as if they were bundles of 'skills' and 'prep' are about to be proved completely wrong (obviously). Want to get a real boost? Do History or English.
July 13, 2025 at 10:19 AM
Decades of mechanistic talk about university degrees as if they were bundles of 'skills' and 'prep' are about to be proved completely wrong (obviously). Want to get a real boost? Do History or English.
Trump is starting his posts like Anchower from @theonion.com
July 13, 2025 at 10:23 AM
Trump is starting his posts like Anchower from @theonion.com
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The year is 2057. Nuclear winter. A laptop running an LLM locally is unearthed by the few who remain. Without electricity, interactions are limited. Humanity tries to rebuild.
The year is 2205. The Old Ways have been forgotten. An Oracle approaches for the ritual: one minute with the God Machine.
The year is 2205. The Old Ways have been forgotten. An Oracle approaches for the ritual: one minute with the God Machine.
June 12, 2025 at 6:05 PM
The year is 2057. Nuclear winter. A laptop running an LLM locally is unearthed by the few who remain. Without electricity, interactions are limited. Humanity tries to rebuild.
The year is 2205. The Old Ways have been forgotten. An Oracle approaches for the ritual: one minute with the God Machine.
The year is 2205. The Old Ways have been forgotten. An Oracle approaches for the ritual: one minute with the God Machine.
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I spent ten years attacking universities as illiberal and overly woke. Now that the Trump administration is using my rhetoric to destroy American science and higher education, I am horrified but not horrified enough to apologize.
May 27, 2025 at 2:39 AM
I spent ten years attacking universities as illiberal and overly woke. Now that the Trump administration is using my rhetoric to destroy American science and higher education, I am horrified but not horrified enough to apologize.