I don’t always go to the beach, but when I do, I bring a rotisserie chicken.
November 29, 2025 at 4:14 AM
I don’t always go to the beach, but when I do, I bring a rotisserie chicken.
Reposted by Tim
Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day.
Give a man three fish and he'll think you're a genie who can't spell.
Give a man three fish and he'll think you're a genie who can't spell.
November 26, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day.
Give a man three fish and he'll think you're a genie who can't spell.
Give a man three fish and he'll think you're a genie who can't spell.
I don’t mean to be unkind,
but I see what’s in your mind.
Any water you bail, will fly back in your boat.
One day you’ll climb up the wall of goats.
Wall of goats.
-Liam Goatallagher.
“Wall of Goats”
but I see what’s in your mind.
Any water you bail, will fly back in your boat.
One day you’ll climb up the wall of goats.
Wall of goats.
-Liam Goatallagher.
“Wall of Goats”
October 1, 2025 at 3:50 AM
I don’t mean to be unkind,
but I see what’s in your mind.
Any water you bail, will fly back in your boat.
One day you’ll climb up the wall of goats.
Wall of goats.
-Liam Goatallagher.
“Wall of Goats”
but I see what’s in your mind.
Any water you bail, will fly back in your boat.
One day you’ll climb up the wall of goats.
Wall of goats.
-Liam Goatallagher.
“Wall of Goats”
Reposted by Tim
young man, you have killed all your sperms, I said
young man, you don’t need to fear germs, I said
young man, give your brain some more worms,
you can eat 👏 that 👏 whale 👏 you scavenged
young man, you don’t need to fear germs, I said
young man, give your brain some more worms,
you can eat 👏 that 👏 whale 👏 you scavenged
"Our young men have sperm counts half what they ought to be," Kennedy said.
Vaccine Injuries, Violent Video Games, and Infertility Challenge: RFK Jr. Releases New MAHA 'Strategy' Report for Children
gizmodo.com
September 10, 2025 at 3:41 AM
young man, you have killed all your sperms, I said
young man, you don’t need to fear germs, I said
young man, give your brain some more worms,
you can eat 👏 that 👏 whale 👏 you scavenged
young man, you don’t need to fear germs, I said
young man, give your brain some more worms,
you can eat 👏 that 👏 whale 👏 you scavenged
Reposted by Tim
At Taco Bell, tears in my eyes, demanding a manager explain to me why the cashier won't denounce the global empanada
July 16, 2025 at 6:09 AM
At Taco Bell, tears in my eyes, demanding a manager explain to me why the cashier won't denounce the global empanada
Ruin a book’s title by replacing one word with butthole:
Butthole of Green Gables
Butthole of Green Gables
Ruin a book's title by replacing one word with butthole:
A Journey to the Center of the Butthole
A Journey to the Center of the Butthole
Ruin a book’s title by replacing one word with butthole:
Voyage to the Bottom of the Butthole
Voyage to the Bottom of the Butthole
July 1, 2025 at 11:06 AM
Ruin a book’s title by replacing one word with butthole:
Butthole of Green Gables
Butthole of Green Gables
Extra-large sausage, eggs unavailable, “fluffy” written into the description of every item, including the coffee… menu kind of writes itself.
Hear me out. A buffet style establishment called Porn Grub
June 6, 2025 at 2:19 PM
Extra-large sausage, eggs unavailable, “fluffy” written into the description of every item, including the coffee… menu kind of writes itself.
Reposted by Tim
me, ending a ten-minute monologue about how i bred ox in tibet: …but anyway, enough of my yakkin’!
my wife, pinching the bridge of her nose: did you… did you spend two years breeding ox in tibet *just* so you could do that joke?
me: yes
my wife: THE KIDS THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
my wife, pinching the bridge of her nose: did you… did you spend two years breeding ox in tibet *just* so you could do that joke?
me: yes
my wife: THE KIDS THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
May 15, 2025 at 3:00 AM
me, ending a ten-minute monologue about how i bred ox in tibet: …but anyway, enough of my yakkin’!
my wife, pinching the bridge of her nose: did you… did you spend two years breeding ox in tibet *just* so you could do that joke?
me: yes
my wife: THE KIDS THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
my wife, pinching the bridge of her nose: did you… did you spend two years breeding ox in tibet *just* so you could do that joke?
me: yes
my wife: THE KIDS THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
Reposted by Tim
A tricky thing about modern society is that no one has any idea when they don’t die.
Like, the number of lives saved by controlling air pollution in America is probably over 200,000 per year, but the number of people who think their life was saved by controlling air pollution is zero.
Like, the number of lives saved by controlling air pollution in America is probably over 200,000 per year, but the number of people who think their life was saved by controlling air pollution is zero.
April 7, 2025 at 4:13 AM
A tricky thing about modern society is that no one has any idea when they don’t die.
Like, the number of lives saved by controlling air pollution in America is probably over 200,000 per year, but the number of people who think their life was saved by controlling air pollution is zero.
Like, the number of lives saved by controlling air pollution in America is probably over 200,000 per year, but the number of people who think their life was saved by controlling air pollution is zero.
Reposted by Tim
you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.
March 5, 2025 at 10:34 PM
you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.
Reposted by Tim
A cool way to return the clothing your ex left at your place is to do a drive-by at her wedding with a T-shirt cannon.
January 31, 2025 at 3:46 AM
A cool way to return the clothing your ex left at your place is to do a drive-by at her wedding with a T-shirt cannon.
Reposted by Tim
angrily crossing the street holding a crucifix is a crossed cross walk across a cross walk
January 19, 2025 at 6:29 PM
angrily crossing the street holding a crucifix is a crossed cross walk across a cross walk
Reposted by Tim
It's called an algorithm because the internet was invented by Al Gore.
January 17, 2025 at 6:18 AM
It's called an algorithm because the internet was invented by Al Gore.
I'm Japanese, and I can speak only Japanese fluently. I'll post what I study in English each day until I next visit a foreign country. I am challenging myself to speak English fluently and live in a foreign country. If I use the wrong vocabulary or grammar, can you let me know?
I'm Japanese and I can speak only Japanese. I'll post what I study in English today until I go to a foreign country again. Because I want to speak English fluently and live in a foreign country. this is my challenge in my life. If I use wrong words or sentences, can you tell me!
December 8, 2024 at 2:42 PM
I'm Japanese, and I can speak only Japanese fluently. I'll post what I study in English each day until I next visit a foreign country. I am challenging myself to speak English fluently and live in a foreign country. If I use the wrong vocabulary or grammar, can you let me know?
Pickle fries
Your TOP GUN fighter tag is the last thing you ate. No more than two words.
GO.
GO.
December 8, 2024 at 1:43 PM
Pickle fries
Reposted by Tim
D-I-E-H-A-R-D
Find out what it means to me
D-I-E-H-A-R-D
Take care, John McC
Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi…
Find out what it means to me
D-I-E-H-A-R-D
Take care, John McC
Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi…
November 11, 2024 at 10:51 AM
D-I-E-H-A-R-D
Find out what it means to me
D-I-E-H-A-R-D
Take care, John McC
Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi…
Find out what it means to me
D-I-E-H-A-R-D
Take care, John McC
Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi…
Reposted by Tim
An important part of Korean culture is your mom cooking fried chicken for Robocop
September 13, 2024 at 5:03 AM
An important part of Korean culture is your mom cooking fried chicken for Robocop
Every teacher worth their salt over-plans in a way most people don’t understand. I once wrote a novel-length math problem/scavenger hunt because I liked a class, over the course of a weekend. This teacher is just being normal… for an American classroom. Those last four words are what makes it weird.
This post from a teacher at Apalachee HS. Every politician should be required to read it and explain their plan for preventing this from ever happening again.
September 7, 2024 at 1:13 PM
Every teacher worth their salt over-plans in a way most people don’t understand. I once wrote a novel-length math problem/scavenger hunt because I liked a class, over the course of a weekend. This teacher is just being normal… for an American classroom. Those last four words are what makes it weird.
Reposted by Tim
This post from a teacher at Apalachee HS. Every politician should be required to read it and explain their plan for preventing this from ever happening again.
September 7, 2024 at 12:05 PM
This post from a teacher at Apalachee HS. Every politician should be required to read it and explain their plan for preventing this from ever happening again.
Reposted by Tim
This photo by Todd Heisler @nytimes.com is iconic.
August 23, 2024 at 3:35 AM
This photo by Todd Heisler @nytimes.com is iconic.
Reposted by Tim
"He's someone I'd want to have a beer with!"
[Vance pulls out a small hacksaw and begins slowly sawing through the closed beer bottle's neck, a broad and chilling smile plastered on his face]
[Vance pulls out a small hacksaw and begins slowly sawing through the closed beer bottle's neck, a broad and chilling smile plastered on his face]
July 29, 2024 at 11:30 PM
"He's someone I'd want to have a beer with!"
[Vance pulls out a small hacksaw and begins slowly sawing through the closed beer bottle's neck, a broad and chilling smile plastered on his face]
[Vance pulls out a small hacksaw and begins slowly sawing through the closed beer bottle's neck, a broad and chilling smile plastered on his face]