@scottish1979.bsky.social
Scot, buffet-slayer, occasional caddie, cynic.
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![[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.]
JANET:
Ugh...
LIZ:
What's up?
JANET:
I am so bored of cooking peas!
LIZ:
Have you tried...
AI peas?
JANET:
AI peas?
LIZ:
They're peas with AI!
[Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI].
LIZ:
Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas
JANET:
What
LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines]
Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas?
[Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it]
LIZ:
Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine
[Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas]
LIZ:
With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas!
JANET:
What
LIZ:
Shut up
LIZ:
Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow
From opening the bag of peas
to boiling the peas
to eating the peas
To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means.
JANET:
Is it really necessary to-
LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]:
THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET
[Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan:
AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayqa37f7kik7l7s7fbtfp2sir5ckb662ry2lylinyjrfa2rkvvka@jpeg)
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I give Catholic bishops a hard time often for all the obvious reasons, but this is beautiful and loving, and I'm deeply grateful to hear it. This can change hearts and save lives.
Good statement from the US conference of Catholic Bishops
November 14, 2025 at 3:49 AM
I give Catholic bishops a hard time often for all the obvious reasons, but this is beautiful and loving, and I'm deeply grateful to hear it. This can change hearts and save lives.
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Let me tell you a story (before the ship explodes):
October 24, 2025 at 10:39 AM
Let me tell you a story (before the ship explodes):
@dj-acid-reflux.bsky.social @nivenj1.bsky.social my sons came up with the goods for my birthday.
October 6, 2025 at 7:00 AM
@dj-acid-reflux.bsky.social @nivenj1.bsky.social my sons came up with the goods for my birthday.
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Can't even say "shiver me timbers" or call your coworkers "landlubbers" any more without people making all kinds of assumptions about you
October 5, 2025 at 11:08 AM
Can't even say "shiver me timbers" or call your coworkers "landlubbers" any more without people making all kinds of assumptions about you
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(during sex)
Yes, this is a professional tenor kazoo and yes, it has a different and much warmer timbre than a student version. Do you still want that orgasm or are you going to keep asking questions?
(angrily continues playing the kazoo)
Yes, this is a professional tenor kazoo and yes, it has a different and much warmer timbre than a student version. Do you still want that orgasm or are you going to keep asking questions?
(angrily continues playing the kazoo)
August 20, 2025 at 10:17 PM
(during sex)
Yes, this is a professional tenor kazoo and yes, it has a different and much warmer timbre than a student version. Do you still want that orgasm or are you going to keep asking questions?
(angrily continues playing the kazoo)
Yes, this is a professional tenor kazoo and yes, it has a different and much warmer timbre than a student version. Do you still want that orgasm or are you going to keep asking questions?
(angrily continues playing the kazoo)
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Me: The rack? You're going to torture me with boobs?? Maybe after that i can suffer the Thighs lmao
Medieval torturer: See it's this kind of thing that got you here in the first place
Medieval torturer: See it's this kind of thing that got you here in the first place
August 7, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Me: The rack? You're going to torture me with boobs?? Maybe after that i can suffer the Thighs lmao
Medieval torturer: See it's this kind of thing that got you here in the first place
Medieval torturer: See it's this kind of thing that got you here in the first place
@nivenj1.bsky.social is the shopping centre in Irvine where the Albanian lads have been done for growing the weed the same place your dad worked at?
August 6, 2025 at 6:21 PM
@nivenj1.bsky.social is the shopping centre in Irvine where the Albanian lads have been done for growing the weed the same place your dad worked at?
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Oh dear, how sad, never mind.
Millionaire American trophy hunter Asher Watkins, 52, was gored to death on the horns of a buffalo he tried to kill on a trip to South Africa.
Millionaire trophy hunter gored to death by 1.3 tonne bull on African safari
Asher Watkins, 52, was tracking a 1.3 tonne Cape Buffalo bull, known as the Black Death, on Sunday when it suddenly charged at him at 35mph.
metro.co.uk
August 6, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Oh dear, how sad, never mind.
The mid-song banter of Jarvis Cocker is a tad Shuttleworthesque and I'm absolutely fine with that. #glastonbury #pulp
June 28, 2025 at 6:00 PM
The mid-song banter of Jarvis Cocker is a tad Shuttleworthesque and I'm absolutely fine with that. #glastonbury #pulp
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ewok is short for electronic wok
June 28, 2025 at 4:29 PM
ewok is short for electronic wok
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"Note to Lynne. Starmer explains his new immigration beliefs to fellow guests in the hospitality box at Arsenal. Then has to look Bukayo Saka's parents in the eye."
May 13, 2025 at 5:52 AM
"Note to Lynne. Starmer explains his new immigration beliefs to fellow guests in the hospitality box at Arsenal. Then has to look Bukayo Saka's parents in the eye."
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Impressive that Shania Twain called out the twist in the film Fight Club two years previously.
May 6, 2025 at 6:19 AM
Impressive that Shania Twain called out the twist in the film Fight Club two years previously.
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I think he likes it. He speaks, the market goes down. He speaks again, the market goes up. Reminds me of a child playing with the bell on a bus
April 23, 2025 at 11:12 PM
I think he likes it. He speaks, the market goes down. He speaks again, the market goes up. Reminds me of a child playing with the bell on a bus
This is worth your time.
SORRY. Sorry.
Have we seen this *incredible* news video coming out of Queensland? Wait for the witness/witnesses statement
Have we seen this *incredible* news video coming out of Queensland? Wait for the witness/witnesses statement
April 21, 2025 at 3:48 PM
This is worth your time.
The best thing about today's news is thinking about how bored Trump's going to be at the funeral mass.
April 21, 2025 at 9:10 AM
The best thing about today's news is thinking about how bored Trump's going to be at the funeral mass.
This is the sort of thing social media is for. Gives me hope.
A thread of notes I've made in my notebook about my dad:
1. The Swimming Pool.
1. The Swimming Pool.
April 15, 2025 at 6:04 PM
This is the sort of thing social media is for. Gives me hope.
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Schrödinger’s cat Venn
April 11, 2025 at 6:41 AM
Schrödinger’s cat Venn
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I just need everyone to watch this and understand I have been laughing about it for 24 hours
April 7, 2025 at 1:17 PM
I just need everyone to watch this and understand I have been laughing about it for 24 hours
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"Everything reminds me of her" I whisper, as I walk past a tree shaped like a bitch
April 4, 2025 at 4:51 PM
"Everything reminds me of her" I whisper, as I walk past a tree shaped like a bitch
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“Police broke into a Quaker Meeting House last night (27 March) and arrested six young people holding a meeting over concerns for the climate and Gaza…No-one has been arrested in a Quaker meeting house in living memory.”
🚨 Outrage as 20 police officers break into Westminster Quaker Meeting House and arrest six. 🚨
This shocking violation of a place of worship is a direct result of crackdowns on protest and dissent - freedom of speech, assembly and democracy are at risk.🕊️
👉 www.quaker.org.uk/news-and-eve...
This shocking violation of a place of worship is a direct result of crackdowns on protest and dissent - freedom of speech, assembly and democracy are at risk.🕊️
👉 www.quaker.org.uk/news-and-eve...
Quakers condemn police raid on Westminster Meeting House
Police broke into a Quaker Meeting House last night (27 March) and arrested six young people holding a meeting over concerns for the climate and Gaza.
www.quaker.org.uk
March 29, 2025 at 12:05 PM
“Police broke into a Quaker Meeting House last night (27 March) and arrested six young people holding a meeting over concerns for the climate and Gaza…No-one has been arrested in a Quaker meeting house in living memory.”
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I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep EVERYONE away, whatever their profession.
December 11, 2024 at 10:59 PM
I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep EVERYONE away, whatever their profession.
@distantpod.bsky.social www.instagram.com/haddingtonrf... I saw a lad do this for my hometown club on Saturday and haven't stopped smiling.
Haddington RFC on Instagram: "Cracking try by 1st XV player Blair Ross in yesterday’s winning game against @forresterrfc"
323 likes, 0 comments - haddingtonrfc on March 23, 2025: "Cracking try by 1st XV player Blair Ross in yesterday’s winning game against @forresterrfc".
www.instagram.com
March 24, 2025 at 11:13 AM
@distantpod.bsky.social www.instagram.com/haddingtonrf... I saw a lad do this for my hometown club on Saturday and haven't stopped smiling.