Phil Weber
@philweber.com
Reposted by Phil Weber
the sheriff: it’s quiet
me: (been waiting my whole life for this moment) a-
fucking phil who ruins everything: a little too quiet
me: PHIL
me: (been waiting my whole life for this moment) a-
fucking phil who ruins everything: a little too quiet
me: PHIL
May 12, 2025 at 1:26 AM
the sheriff: it’s quiet
me: (been waiting my whole life for this moment) a-
fucking phil who ruins everything: a little too quiet
me: PHIL
me: (been waiting my whole life for this moment) a-
fucking phil who ruins everything: a little too quiet
me: PHIL
Just thought of a great name for a 90s cover band made up of childless women (and/or men, I guess): 4 Non Moms #showerthoughts
May 12, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Just thought of a great name for a 90s cover band made up of childless women (and/or men, I guess): 4 Non Moms #showerthoughts
Reposted by Phil Weber
i’ve been listening to the grateful dead since i was kid mainly because i want to hear how this song ends
February 8, 2025 at 11:37 PM
i’ve been listening to the grateful dead since i was kid mainly because i want to hear how this song ends
Reposted by Phil Weber
I have to admit, every time they upgrade me to First Class for free, I get a
January 5, 2025 at 2:43 PM
I have to admit, every time they upgrade me to First Class for free, I get a
Reposted by Phil Weber
“Ok, i know this is creepy af but check this out..”
-first taxidermist
-first taxidermist
December 9, 2024 at 2:50 AM
“Ok, i know this is creepy af but check this out..”
-first taxidermist
-first taxidermist
Reposted by Phil Weber
My Dad lacks confidence as a hardware store Santa, but he is greatly admired by his subordinates. He has Lowes Elf Esteem
December 7, 2024 at 2:56 AM
My Dad lacks confidence as a hardware store Santa, but he is greatly admired by his subordinates. He has Lowes Elf Esteem
Reposted by Phil Weber
what’s everyone wearing to toyotathon this year?
December 3, 2024 at 5:20 PM
what’s everyone wearing to toyotathon this year?
Reposted by Phil Weber
When Mary's water broke, Jesus just walked right out.
December 3, 2024 at 11:53 PM
When Mary's water broke, Jesus just walked right out.
Reposted by Phil Weber
The year is 2124. You take out your Amazon™️ guitar to write a song. The first chord you strum is a voicing of D Major owned by Warner Music Group due to its appearance in a song by an AI-powered Ed Sheeran hologram. Your Amazon™️ guitar deploys a mild electric shock and locks for 48 hours
December 1, 2024 at 4:53 PM
The year is 2124. You take out your Amazon™️ guitar to write a song. The first chord you strum is a voicing of D Major owned by Warner Music Group due to its appearance in a song by an AI-powered Ed Sheeran hologram. Your Amazon™️ guitar deploys a mild electric shock and locks for 48 hours
Reposted by Phil Weber
For sale
Baby shoes
Affiliate link
Baby shoes
Affiliate link
November 29, 2024 at 5:36 PM
For sale
Baby shoes
Affiliate link
Baby shoes
Affiliate link
@haesicks.bsky.social I saw this and thought of you :)
November 26, 2024 at 8:54 PM
@haesicks.bsky.social I saw this and thought of you :)
Reposted by Phil Weber
if i were bono, i’d quit music & open up a gluten free bakery called “Where The Treats Have No Grain”
November 24, 2024 at 6:31 PM
if i were bono, i’d quit music & open up a gluten free bakery called “Where The Treats Have No Grain”
Reposted by Phil Weber
I’m a 4 in America, but in Germany I’m a solid nein.
November 13, 2024 at 5:50 PM
I’m a 4 in America, but in Germany I’m a solid nein.
Reposted by Phil Weber
If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
November 15, 2024 at 9:44 PM
If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
Reposted by Phil Weber
"Recess Appointment" is how Matt Gaetz meets his dates during lunch period.
November 14, 2024 at 1:56 AM
"Recess Appointment" is how Matt Gaetz meets his dates during lunch period.
Reposted by Phil Weber
I’m getting stronger with age. I can now lift $75.00 worth of groceries with one hand.
November 15, 2024 at 4:10 AM
I’m getting stronger with age. I can now lift $75.00 worth of groceries with one hand.
Reposted by Phil Weber
via voquent.com/blog/best-voice-jo… #voiceover #jokes
July 29, 2023 at 12:38 AM
via voquent.com/blog/best-voice-jo… #voiceover #jokes
View on today’s walk — St. Helens, Oregon
November 8, 2024 at 12:04 AM
View on today’s walk — St. Helens, Oregon
Reposted by Phil Weber
“HALLOWEEN IS OVER NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!”
November 1, 2024 at 1:52 PM
“HALLOWEEN IS OVER NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!”
Reposted by Phil Weber
Why learn to cook when I can have cereal: a meal and a dessert and a drink
September 25, 2023 at 2:13 AM
Why learn to cook when I can have cereal: a meal and a dessert and a drink
Reposted by Phil Weber
I often stand naked in front of a full-length mirror, studying myself to better come to terms with my imperfections. It’s not an easy thing to do though, and quite frankly I feel IKEA security could be a little more supportive.
December 14, 2023 at 12:33 PM
I often stand naked in front of a full-length mirror, studying myself to better come to terms with my imperfections. It’s not an easy thing to do though, and quite frankly I feel IKEA security could be a little more supportive.
Reposted by Phil Weber
gosh dang it to heck! it’s the
October 29, 2024 at 1:35 PM
gosh dang it to heck! it’s the