Kimber Agonistes
@kimberagonistes.bsky.social
PLEASE TAKE A SEAT. THE ABYSS WILL SEE YOU SHORTLY.
Pinned
Every now and then I see something that makes me wonder if I’ve unknowingly had a stroke that affects my reading comprehension.
We don’t do court reports, especially when it comes to violent crime, but there’s always an exception.
December 9, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Every now and then I see something that makes me wonder if I’ve unknowingly had a stroke that affects my reading comprehension.
I just laughed so hard I think I chipped a tooth.
please enjoy brand new tingler HOW THE GRUNCH STOLE CHRIS'S ASS out now here www.amazon.com/dp/B0G5PDW116/ or on tingleverse patreon www.patreon.com/posts/how-gr...
December 8, 2025 at 9:36 PM
I just laughed so hard I think I chipped a tooth.
I want to turn a cat loose in there.
December 8, 2025 at 1:56 AM
I want to turn a cat loose in there.
New betting category: Which school will be the most theatrically pissed off about missing the CFP
December 7, 2025 at 10:01 PM
New betting category: Which school will be the most theatrically pissed off about missing the CFP
Sometimes I feel sorry for them.
Mostly because I know my pity pisses them off.
And I’m spiteful that way.
Mostly because I know my pity pisses them off.
And I’m spiteful that way.
December 7, 2025 at 8:14 AM
Sometimes I feel sorry for them.
Mostly because I know my pity pisses them off.
And I’m spiteful that way.
Mostly because I know my pity pisses them off.
And I’m spiteful that way.
The final stanza of Dickinson’s “There's a certain Slant of light”:
When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –
When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –
Which lines of poetry live rent-free in your head?
December 6, 2025 at 9:52 PM
The final stanza of Dickinson’s “There's a certain Slant of light”:
When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –
When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
A male rock ptarmigan (Lagopus muta) in winter plumage.
Ptarmigan is from Gaelic 'tarmachan' meaning "croaker". The p- was added when people mistakenly assumed it was a Greek word.
A bird forever warning people: "A werewolf!" (just in case of werewolves).
Ptarmigan is from Gaelic 'tarmachan' meaning "croaker". The p- was added when people mistakenly assumed it was a Greek word.
A bird forever warning people: "A werewolf!" (just in case of werewolves).
December 6, 2025 at 1:46 PM
A male rock ptarmigan (Lagopus muta) in winter plumage.
Ptarmigan is from Gaelic 'tarmachan' meaning "croaker". The p- was added when people mistakenly assumed it was a Greek word.
A bird forever warning people: "A werewolf!" (just in case of werewolves).
Ptarmigan is from Gaelic 'tarmachan' meaning "croaker". The p- was added when people mistakenly assumed it was a Greek word.
A bird forever warning people: "A werewolf!" (just in case of werewolves).
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Day 6 of the #HooklandChristmasTree decoration and the Clapperclaw is taken from tin. No-one knows how the crow-headed figure came to be part of the dressing, but everyone is too afraid to suggest throwing it out. We give it a high branch for it talons to grip, let its glass eyes seek out new prey.
December 6, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Day 6 of the #HooklandChristmasTree decoration and the Clapperclaw is taken from tin. No-one knows how the crow-headed figure came to be part of the dressing, but everyone is too afraid to suggest throwing it out. We give it a high branch for it talons to grip, let its glass eyes seek out new prey.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
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(Donate monthly = I match a year's worth)
Support Bolts
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December 3, 2025 at 6:20 PM
You can help Bolts continue to provide crucial coverage of local elections. Here's how:
- Repost this = I donate $1.
- Follow @boltsmag.org = I donate $1.
- Donate (link below) + tell me how much = I match your donation.
(Donate monthly = I match a year's worth)
- Repost this = I donate $1.
- Follow @boltsmag.org = I donate $1.
- Donate (link below) + tell me how much = I match your donation.
(Donate monthly = I match a year's worth)
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Hands Reaching Up From Hell, Wat Rong Khun Temple, by Chalermchai Kositpipat, 1997
December 5, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Hands Reaching Up From Hell, Wat Rong Khun Temple, by Chalermchai Kositpipat, 1997
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
This is so accurate it causes me mild physical pain.
December 5, 2025 at 9:20 PM
This is so accurate it causes me mild physical pain.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Day five of the #HooklandChristmasTree decoration and the Star Wraith haunts a branch. The hooded figurine, face and body made from constellations of enamelled stars, seems to float more than dangle. Oddly, the stars seem to have shifted position each time you look closely at it.
December 5, 2025 at 5:51 PM
Day five of the #HooklandChristmasTree decoration and the Star Wraith haunts a branch. The hooded figurine, face and body made from constellations of enamelled stars, seems to float more than dangle. Oddly, the stars seem to have shifted position each time you look closely at it.
Loving the full moon tonight.
Not loving all the really creepy “Full moon!! Let’s party!!” wildlife noises below my deck tonight.
Not loving all the really creepy “Full moon!! Let’s party!!” wildlife noises below my deck tonight.
December 5, 2025 at 3:40 AM
Loving the full moon tonight.
Not loving all the really creepy “Full moon!! Let’s party!!” wildlife noises below my deck tonight.
Not loving all the really creepy “Full moon!! Let’s party!!” wildlife noises below my deck tonight.
Flashback to me rehearsing this song over and over for a 5th grade Christmas pageant until my parents threatened to violently send me back to where I came from.
I respect the 12 Days of Christmas because I respect any song that tells its audience “didn’t like it the first time? Here’s 11 more and they’re worse”
December 5, 2025 at 1:19 AM
Flashback to me rehearsing this song over and over for a 5th grade Christmas pageant until my parents threatened to violently send me back to where I came from.
I tried so hard to resist making a “deus ex machina“ joke, but fuck it, here we are.
December 4, 2025 at 11:32 PM
I tried so hard to resist making a “deus ex machina“ joke, but fuck it, here we are.
A couple of months ago I dreamed I was in San Francisco during an earthquake and I informed my dream companion that that stupid Starship song was actually about building SF on a fault line.
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is a trash song with trash lyrics and trash production that is the absolute worst thing ever to escape Bernie Taupin's head, it sounds like cocaine heavily cut with baby powder and expired laxative feels, if 80s pop music were the Hapsburgs, this song is Charles II of Spain.
This is a trash song with trash lyrics and trash production that is the absolute worst thing ever to escape Bernie Taupin's head, it sounds like cocaine heavily cut with baby powder and expired laxative feels, if 80s pop music were the Hapsburgs, this song is Charles II of Spain.
“We Built This City” is a good song, actually www.pastemagazine.com/music/starsh... I never understood the hate for that song. There are truly terrible songs. This isn't one of them.
December 4, 2025 at 9:40 PM
A couple of months ago I dreamed I was in San Francisco during an earthquake and I informed my dream companion that that stupid Starship song was actually about building SF on a fault line.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Day 4 of the #HooklandChristmasTree. We drape the Bell Hill Worm, remember legends of dragon-carved paths. The stuffed felt snake is an old friend. Its silver stitches glitter, its scales bounce faery light colours. When we turn away, it seems to slither to a different branch.
December 4, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Day 4 of the #HooklandChristmasTree. We drape the Bell Hill Worm, remember legends of dragon-carved paths. The stuffed felt snake is an old friend. Its silver stitches glitter, its scales bounce faery light colours. When we turn away, it seems to slither to a different branch.
It’s a terrible thought, but I have a suspicion that a non-zero number of self-indulgent billionaires are curious about cannibalism and necrophilia, too.
Hey, you know all those stories and movies where rich people hunt people for sport? We're there.
#TheMostDangerousGame
#TheMostDangerousGame
December 4, 2025 at 5:18 AM
It’s a terrible thought, but I have a suspicion that a non-zero number of self-indulgent billionaires are curious about cannibalism and necrophilia, too.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
My kids keep begging for an elf to visit our house like they do their friends’ houses but like I’m sorry you will not be pleased when you wake up and the milk has curdled and our cattle die of miasma exposure but that’s what happens when you invite the duine uasal into your home.
December 3, 2025 at 11:24 PM
My kids keep begging for an elf to visit our house like they do their friends’ houses but like I’m sorry you will not be pleased when you wake up and the milk has curdled and our cattle die of miasma exposure but that’s what happens when you invite the duine uasal into your home.
I used to write stuff like that… when I was 16 and high as shit in my bedroom late at night.
Oh man! This paragraph is brutal. The best thing about this review is it's not trying to be mean. It's just listing how bad the writing is.
December 3, 2025 at 10:22 PM
I used to write stuff like that… when I was 16 and high as shit in my bedroom late at night.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Writing Christmas cards to my most Christian friends …
December 3, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Writing Christmas cards to my most Christian friends …
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
“Have Yourself A Merriam Little Christmas”
Merriam, a career-oriented lexicographer from the city, returns to her small town for the holidays and meets Webster, a ruggedly handsome librarian, who shows her the true DEFINITION of Christmas.
Merriam, a career-oriented lexicographer from the city, returns to her small town for the holidays and meets Webster, a ruggedly handsome librarian, who shows her the true DEFINITION of Christmas.
December 2, 2025 at 7:18 PM
“Have Yourself A Merriam Little Christmas”
Merriam, a career-oriented lexicographer from the city, returns to her small town for the holidays and meets Webster, a ruggedly handsome librarian, who shows her the true DEFINITION of Christmas.
Merriam, a career-oriented lexicographer from the city, returns to her small town for the holidays and meets Webster, a ruggedly handsome librarian, who shows her the true DEFINITION of Christmas.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Day 3 of #HooklandChristmasTree decoration. We take out the Dudman and Sackling Child. No-one remembers who made the scarecrow's twists of clothed straw, the stuffed potato sack of prophesying infant. Best we put it on a back branch lest we hear it whispering of tomorrow’s woes.
December 3, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Day 3 of #HooklandChristmasTree decoration. We take out the Dudman and Sackling Child. No-one remembers who made the scarecrow's twists of clothed straw, the stuffed potato sack of prophesying infant. Best we put it on a back branch lest we hear it whispering of tomorrow’s woes.
Read it. It’s a good one. Trust me.
Hey if you’re reading for #Nebula (and other) nominations this year, check out my secret twist-y summertime gothic novelette, When He Calls Your Name, at @uncannymagazine.bsky.social and consider it maybe!
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
When He Calls Your Name - Uncanny Magazine
There’s nights in the deep end of summer so hot and thick and wet you can feel the dark wrinkling up your fingers like bathwater—and my last night breathing was one of those. 2 a.m. came to ring my be...
www.uncannymagazine.com
December 3, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Read it. It’s a good one. Trust me.
I’ve seen this ad several times and it exhausts even my extensive vocabulary of profanities.
There’s something about it that’s *so* enraging, it’s almost like it’s deliberate.
There’s something about it that’s *so* enraging, it’s almost like it’s deliberate.
I know this is the website where basically no one watches cable but there's this DHS ad with Kristi Noem telling people to self-deport and it's reached the point where my 75 year old mother yells obscenities at the TV that I usually see typed out in League of Legends lobbies
December 3, 2025 at 7:34 AM
I’ve seen this ad several times and it exhausts even my extensive vocabulary of profanities.
There’s something about it that’s *so* enraging, it’s almost like it’s deliberate.
There’s something about it that’s *so* enraging, it’s almost like it’s deliberate.