Kimber Agonistes
@kimberagonistes.bsky.social
PLEASE TAKE A SEAT. THE ABYSS WILL SEE YOU SHORTLY.
Pinned
First the Willem Dafoe penis stunt double article yesterday, now this.
It’s like a penis article advent calendar.
It’s like a penis article advent calendar.
December 3, 2025 at 5:38 AM
First the Willem Dafoe penis stunt double article yesterday, now this.
It’s like a penis article advent calendar.
It’s like a penis article advent calendar.
A possible explanation that just popped into my head is consensual erotic asphyxiation done way too many times.
A scene from American Canto. Olivia Nuzzi tries to visit the WWE Hall of Fame, only to discover that it is not a physical building.
December 3, 2025 at 12:15 AM
A possible explanation that just popped into my head is consensual erotic asphyxiation done way too many times.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
There’s a good chance that when it finally happens it will happen on camera and you’ll get to enjoy watching it over and over and over for the rest of your life, and while that’s not much, it’s not nothing. We’ll have that.
December 3, 2025 at 12:00 AM
There’s a good chance that when it finally happens it will happen on camera and you’ll get to enjoy watching it over and over and over for the rest of your life, and while that’s not much, it’s not nothing. We’ll have that.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Y
Also we were with you the entire time and we made some lovely holiday cookies.
Also we were with you the entire time and we made some lovely holiday cookies.
There is someone here at the natural history museum using Chat GPT on speaker to ask it questions that are ably answered by the exhibit he is standing in front of: should I kill him y/n
December 2, 2025 at 11:53 PM
Y
Also we were with you the entire time and we made some lovely holiday cookies.
Also we were with you the entire time and we made some lovely holiday cookies.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Day 2 of #HooklandChristmasTree decoration. We gently take the Master of Moss from box. He’s old and fragile, made from twig, clay and clumps of Moss gathered on Barrowcross. We find him a respectful place on the tree and hope he sleeps the season. His waking would be terrible
December 2, 2025 at 1:07 PM
Day 2 of #HooklandChristmasTree decoration. We gently take the Master of Moss from box. He’s old and fragile, made from twig, clay and clumps of Moss gathered on Barrowcross. We find him a respectful place on the tree and hope he sleeps the season. His waking would be terrible
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
You've heard of elf on the shelf, get ready for some esoteric combination of references you have no way of comprehending and you haven't even had your coffee yet
December 2, 2025 at 3:38 PM
You've heard of elf on the shelf, get ready for some esoteric combination of references you have no way of comprehending and you haven't even had your coffee yet
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
My mom was watching The Final Sacrifice the other day, her favorite MST3K, and it suddenly dawned on me why Luigi's court outfit felt so familiar.
December 2, 2025 at 6:12 AM
My mom was watching The Final Sacrifice the other day, her favorite MST3K, and it suddenly dawned on me why Luigi's court outfit felt so familiar.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Have you seen the "extended cut"?
Folgers coffee commercial extended cut
YouTube video by Joseph Justice
youtu.be
December 2, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Have you seen the "extended cut"?
It’s a smokey, quick, hide the oly in the jockeybox!
Without saying where you’re from, drop some slang from your city. I’m trying to see something.
December 2, 2025 at 1:58 AM
It’s a smokey, quick, hide the oly in the jockeybox!
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Day 1 of the #HooklandChristmasTree. We retrieve the Bloody Boy ornament from the box of china Mummers. Some say it's not blood that makes his skin red, but crabapple bark dye. I say best not spoil the seasonal magic. Besides, we all know where the skin of his drum comes from.
December 1, 2025 at 1:05 PM
Day 1 of the #HooklandChristmasTree. We retrieve the Bloody Boy ornament from the box of china Mummers. Some say it's not blood that makes his skin red, but crabapple bark dye. I say best not spoil the seasonal magic. Besides, we all know where the skin of his drum comes from.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Someone tell Lars von Trier that that there's no such thing as a "confusingly large" penis.
An illuminating conversation with the man who was Willem Dafoe's stunt penis: defector.com/willem-dafoe...
An Illuminating Conversation With The Man Who Was Willem Dafoe’s Stunt Penis | Defector
For years, a rumor has floated around about the length of Willem Dafoe’s penis. Willem Dafoe’s penis is said to be extra-large. It is allegedly so big, in fact, that after filming nude scenes in the…
defector.com
December 1, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Someone tell Lars von Trier that that there's no such thing as a "confusingly large" penis.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Me: Hmm, never heard of it, but now I’m curious
Me, two minutes later: Oh, goddamnit
Me, two minutes later: Oh, goddamnit
🎄 GOOD MORNING, and welcome back to the annual Italian Christmas Donkey Challenge 🫏
The rules are simple 🌟
You must find a person who has never heard “Dominick the Donkey” and play it for them:
youtu.be/Ca5wXojemRM?...
The rules are simple 🌟
You must find a person who has never heard “Dominick the Donkey” and play it for them:
youtu.be/Ca5wXojemRM?...
Lou Monte - Dominick The Donkey (HQ Audio)
YouTube video by Christmas 365
youtu.be
December 1, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Me: Hmm, never heard of it, but now I’m curious
Me, two minutes later: Oh, goddamnit
Me, two minutes later: Oh, goddamnit
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥
December 1, 2025 at 11:09 AM
This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
I have refined
The uranium
That was in
The centrifuge
And which
You were probably
Saving
For power generation
Forgive me
It was so powerful
I am
Become death
The uranium
That was in
The centrifuge
And which
You were probably
Saving
For power generation
Forgive me
It was so powerful
I am
Become death
this is quite the detail
November 30, 2025 at 5:58 PM
I have refined
The uranium
That was in
The centrifuge
And which
You were probably
Saving
For power generation
Forgive me
It was so powerful
I am
Become death
The uranium
That was in
The centrifuge
And which
You were probably
Saving
For power generation
Forgive me
It was so powerful
I am
Become death
Christian:
The Holly and the Ivy
Secular:
This version of Please Come Home for Christmas
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWoK...
The Holly and the Ivy
Secular:
This version of Please Come Home for Christmas
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWoK...
December 1, 2025 at 4:03 AM
Christian:
The Holly and the Ivy
Secular:
This version of Please Come Home for Christmas
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWoK...
The Holly and the Ivy
Secular:
This version of Please Come Home for Christmas
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWoK...
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
incredibly funny how people will be like "did you see that the census bureau posted a nazi dogwhistle? their last post was 14 words long. and the value of the characters added up to 88" and then the post was "adolf hitler was very very very very very very very very very very good"
December 1, 2025 at 2:07 AM
incredibly funny how people will be like "did you see that the census bureau posted a nazi dogwhistle? their last post was 14 words long. and the value of the characters added up to 88" and then the post was "adolf hitler was very very very very very very very very very very good"
Strong floor, no ceiling, black hat, cadillac
December 1, 2025 at 1:23 AM
Strong floor, no ceiling, black hat, cadillac
Machete
What is a movie that you love that would surprise most people who know you?
November 30, 2025 at 6:11 AM
Machete
Oh yeah, nothing we want more than a drawn-out “will-they-or-won’t-they relationship drama” where the characters treat each other like feral cats they’re trying to tame. Oh boy, love that tension.
but this? shut the fuck up. guess what, my man, gorgeous young 22 year olds like to fuck. And queer people deserve love stories that are sexy and horny. a "chaste kiss" please be for real.
November 30, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Oh yeah, nothing we want more than a drawn-out “will-they-or-won’t-they relationship drama” where the characters treat each other like feral cats they’re trying to tame. Oh boy, love that tension.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Computer, please summarize everything PG Wodehouse ever wrote in ten seconds
rich dudes got freakier after butlers fell out of fashion, like say what you will about having domestic servants but clearly it was some sort of moderating force on old rich dudes having a fancy man follow you around saying shit like "oh dear sir, that wouldn't be very becoming"
November 29, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Computer, please summarize everything PG Wodehouse ever wrote in ten seconds
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Introduce yourself with five books you threw across the room instead of finishing:
Gold of the Gods - Erich von Daniken
Dianetics - L. Ron Hubbard
The Fermata - Nicholson Baker
Only by Blood and Suffering - LaVoy Finicum (google him)
A V.C. Andrews novel (can’t remember title but does it matter?)
Gold of the Gods - Erich von Daniken
Dianetics - L. Ron Hubbard
The Fermata - Nicholson Baker
Only by Blood and Suffering - LaVoy Finicum (google him)
A V.C. Andrews novel (can’t remember title but does it matter?)
November 28, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Introduce yourself with five books you threw across the room instead of finishing:
Gold of the Gods - Erich von Daniken
Dianetics - L. Ron Hubbard
The Fermata - Nicholson Baker
Only by Blood and Suffering - LaVoy Finicum (google him)
A V.C. Andrews novel (can’t remember title but does it matter?)
Gold of the Gods - Erich von Daniken
Dianetics - L. Ron Hubbard
The Fermata - Nicholson Baker
Only by Blood and Suffering - LaVoy Finicum (google him)
A V.C. Andrews novel (can’t remember title but does it matter?)
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
We shed as we pick up, like travelers who must carry everything in their arms, and what we let fall will be picked up by those behind. The procession is very long and life is very short. We die on the march. But there is nothing outside the march so nothing can be lost to it.
November 29, 2025 at 7:27 PM
We shed as we pick up, like travelers who must carry everything in their arms, and what we let fall will be picked up by those behind. The procession is very long and life is very short. We die on the march. But there is nothing outside the march so nothing can be lost to it.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
We will all die eventually, but it does the heart good to see the difference in reactions to the passing of a politician who justified torture relative to how people react to the passing of a beloved writer.
November 29, 2025 at 7:45 PM
We will all die eventually, but it does the heart good to see the difference in reactions to the passing of a politician who justified torture relative to how people react to the passing of a beloved writer.
Reposted by Kimber Agonistes
Does it strike anyone as weird that we have a ratings board that counts the number of times a movie says fuck or shows a boob and decides who is allowed to see it, and yet GenAI was dropped on the entire with no restrictions, no age verification, no checks, no regulation whatsoever?
November 29, 2025 at 4:22 AM
Does it strike anyone as weird that we have a ratings board that counts the number of times a movie says fuck or shows a boob and decides who is allowed to see it, and yet GenAI was dropped on the entire with no restrictions, no age verification, no checks, no regulation whatsoever?