Edmonds Scanner
@edmondsscanner.bsky.social
Be kind and stay weird.
Contributor to:
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social
@riversidecasino.bsky.social
Contributor to:
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social
@riversidecasino.bsky.social
Pinned
My hope for you is that you always feel safe and warm, and that you will someday find yourself surrounded by wild Muppets in the heart of the forest, with plenty of wine & books and without a care in the world.
If you don’t feel like yourself today, here are some disguises to wear out into the world:
- forlorn tugboat captain
- creature from the haunted sea
- bread wizard
- barista with dark secrets
- international fern burglar
- forlorn tugboat captain
- creature from the haunted sea
- bread wizard
- barista with dark secrets
- international fern burglar
January 5, 2026 at 7:34 PM
If you don’t feel like yourself today, here are some disguises to wear out into the world:
- forlorn tugboat captain
- creature from the haunted sea
- bread wizard
- barista with dark secrets
- international fern burglar
- forlorn tugboat captain
- creature from the haunted sea
- bread wizard
- barista with dark secrets
- international fern burglar
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
Folks to call when you need help:
- friends
- family
- Etsy witches
- gutter goblins
- sexy vampires
- assorted forest horrors
- the ancient nameless one living at the bottom of your local lake
- friends
- family
- Etsy witches
- gutter goblins
- sexy vampires
- assorted forest horrors
- the ancient nameless one living at the bottom of your local lake
December 14, 2025 at 8:27 PM
Folks to call when you need help:
- friends
- family
- Etsy witches
- gutter goblins
- sexy vampires
- assorted forest horrors
- the ancient nameless one living at the bottom of your local lake
- friends
- family
- Etsy witches
- gutter goblins
- sexy vampires
- assorted forest horrors
- the ancient nameless one living at the bottom of your local lake
Your daily fortune:
Slow down and don't race through life, or you may miss some cool weird stuff hiding in the shadows.
Slow down and don't race through life, or you may miss some cool weird stuff hiding in the shadows.
January 5, 2026 at 5:12 PM
Your daily fortune:
Slow down and don't race through life, or you may miss some cool weird stuff hiding in the shadows.
Slow down and don't race through life, or you may miss some cool weird stuff hiding in the shadows.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
The only New Year’s resolutions you need are to read more books, eat more burritos, and to finally become the terrifying horror who scares folk away from the ragged edge of the forest.
January 5, 2026 at 3:15 AM
The only New Year’s resolutions you need are to read more books, eat more burritos, and to finally become the terrifying horror who scares folk away from the ragged edge of the forest.
The only New Year’s resolutions you need are to read more books, eat more burritos, and to finally become the terrifying horror who scares folk away from the ragged edge of the forest.
January 5, 2026 at 3:15 AM
The only New Year’s resolutions you need are to read more books, eat more burritos, and to finally become the terrifying horror who scares folk away from the ragged edge of the forest.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
What forest spirit best matches your mood?
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
January 3, 2026 at 10:30 PM
What forest spirit best matches your mood?
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
You know what they say:
When your world is in shambles, make a castle of shambles and some shamble armor, retreat inside, and rule over everything as the Mad Monarch of the Shambles.
When your world is in shambles, make a castle of shambles and some shamble armor, retreat inside, and rule over everything as the Mad Monarch of the Shambles.
January 4, 2026 at 11:30 PM
You know what they say:
When your world is in shambles, make a castle of shambles and some shamble armor, retreat inside, and rule over everything as the Mad Monarch of the Shambles.
When your world is in shambles, make a castle of shambles and some shamble armor, retreat inside, and rule over everything as the Mad Monarch of the Shambles.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
Life is about finding balance.
For every hour you spend shambling through the old forest spreading fear & wonder, spend an equal amount of time spreading fear & wonder while shambling through the old forest.
It's that simple.
For every hour you spend shambling through the old forest spreading fear & wonder, spend an equal amount of time spreading fear & wonder while shambling through the old forest.
It's that simple.
December 13, 2025 at 8:10 PM
Life is about finding balance.
For every hour you spend shambling through the old forest spreading fear & wonder, spend an equal amount of time spreading fear & wonder while shambling through the old forest.
It's that simple.
For every hour you spend shambling through the old forest spreading fear & wonder, spend an equal amount of time spreading fear & wonder while shambling through the old forest.
It's that simple.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
CHECK OUT OUR SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EDITION OF SORROWSCOPES! TELL YOU FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU THAT WILL NEVER BE SLAIN
January 4, 2026 at 6:18 PM
CHECK OUT OUR SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EDITION OF SORROWSCOPES! TELL YOU FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU THAT WILL NEVER BE SLAIN
5 senses of the forest:
Touch moss.
Listen to the beating heart of the wood.
Taste the danger and decay.
Smell the creatures of shadow and thorn.
See yourself joining them forever in the gloom.
Touch moss.
Listen to the beating heart of the wood.
Taste the danger and decay.
Smell the creatures of shadow and thorn.
See yourself joining them forever in the gloom.
January 4, 2026 at 8:31 PM
5 senses of the forest:
Touch moss.
Listen to the beating heart of the wood.
Taste the danger and decay.
Smell the creatures of shadow and thorn.
See yourself joining them forever in the gloom.
Touch moss.
Listen to the beating heart of the wood.
Taste the danger and decay.
Smell the creatures of shadow and thorn.
See yourself joining them forever in the gloom.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
Relaxation tips:
- take a deep breath
- put down your phone
- find a sinister fog in the forest
- enter the fog and let it enter you, until you become one
- travel the wildlands with the other fog spirits, spreading fear & wonder in equal measure
- have some tea
- take a deep breath
- put down your phone
- find a sinister fog in the forest
- enter the fog and let it enter you, until you become one
- travel the wildlands with the other fog spirits, spreading fear & wonder in equal measure
- have some tea
December 15, 2025 at 7:51 PM
Relaxation tips:
- take a deep breath
- put down your phone
- find a sinister fog in the forest
- enter the fog and let it enter you, until you become one
- travel the wildlands with the other fog spirits, spreading fear & wonder in equal measure
- have some tea
- take a deep breath
- put down your phone
- find a sinister fog in the forest
- enter the fog and let it enter you, until you become one
- travel the wildlands with the other fog spirits, spreading fear & wonder in equal measure
- have some tea
Your daily fortune:
Aim high in life, but you can also do a lot of damage by aiming for the middle, too.
Aim high in life, but you can also do a lot of damage by aiming for the middle, too.
January 4, 2026 at 5:01 PM
Your daily fortune:
Aim high in life, but you can also do a lot of damage by aiming for the middle, too.
Aim high in life, but you can also do a lot of damage by aiming for the middle, too.
It's ok if you haven't done your laundry, or written a short story about ghost cats, or discovered the mossy forgotten tomb of an ancient forest god.
I know you're trying your best, and that's all any of us can do.
Carry on.
I know you're trying your best, and that's all any of us can do.
Carry on.
January 4, 2026 at 3:40 AM
It's ok if you haven't done your laundry, or written a short story about ghost cats, or discovered the mossy forgotten tomb of an ancient forest god.
I know you're trying your best, and that's all any of us can do.
Carry on.
I know you're trying your best, and that's all any of us can do.
Carry on.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
We can help with your New Year’s resolutions, especially if yours are to eat more tater tots and make more bad financial decisions in 2026.
January 4, 2026 at 3:06 AM
We can help with your New Year’s resolutions, especially if yours are to eat more tater tots and make more bad financial decisions in 2026.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
What's your favorite cocktail?
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
January 3, 2026 at 3:01 AM
What's your favorite cocktail?
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
What forest spirit best matches your mood?
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
January 3, 2026 at 10:30 PM
What forest spirit best matches your mood?
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
1. ghost goat of doom
2. weird sentient fog
3. frazzled swamp thing
4. mossy log of darkness
It may be time to start over.
Only this time we'll be a moss based society, where pinecones are general currency, owls keep the peace, and the dark magic of the old forest gods entertain us through the night.
Only this time we'll be a moss based society, where pinecones are general currency, owls keep the peace, and the dark magic of the old forest gods entertain us through the night.
January 3, 2026 at 7:45 PM
It may be time to start over.
Only this time we'll be a moss based society, where pinecones are general currency, owls keep the peace, and the dark magic of the old forest gods entertain us through the night.
Only this time we'll be a moss based society, where pinecones are general currency, owls keep the peace, and the dark magic of the old forest gods entertain us through the night.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
Some advice:
- be kind
- stay weird
- collect memories
- hoard swords
- stop concealing your fangs and talons
- haunt the world with the dark grandeur of your frightful form
- be kind
- stay weird
- collect memories
- hoard swords
- stop concealing your fangs and talons
- haunt the world with the dark grandeur of your frightful form
December 14, 2025 at 3:22 AM
Some advice:
- be kind
- stay weird
- collect memories
- hoard swords
- stop concealing your fangs and talons
- haunt the world with the dark grandeur of your frightful form
- be kind
- stay weird
- collect memories
- hoard swords
- stop concealing your fangs and talons
- haunt the world with the dark grandeur of your frightful form
Your daily fortune:
Not every day will be an amazing day. Sometimes you just need to think about socks.
Not every day will be an amazing day. Sometimes you just need to think about socks.
January 3, 2026 at 5:04 PM
Your daily fortune:
Not every day will be an amazing day. Sometimes you just need to think about socks.
Not every day will be an amazing day. Sometimes you just need to think about socks.
What's your favorite cocktail?
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
January 3, 2026 at 3:01 AM
What's your favorite cocktail?
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
1. tea & quiet time
2. coffee & darkness
3. rum & regrets
4. gin & gin & tonic
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
What are your plans for the year?
1. wine & weariness
2. tea & tenderness
3. books & baked goods
4. disappearing into the fog
1. wine & weariness
2. tea & tenderness
3. books & baked goods
4. disappearing into the fog
January 2, 2026 at 3:00 AM
What are your plans for the year?
1. wine & weariness
2. tea & tenderness
3. books & baked goods
4. disappearing into the fog
1. wine & weariness
2. tea & tenderness
3. books & baked goods
4. disappearing into the fog
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
As always, there's no time like the present to wear a crown of ancient bones, disappear into a mysterious fog, and become a reason the old forest north of town is considered haunted.
December 13, 2025 at 3:22 AM
As always, there's no time like the present to wear a crown of ancient bones, disappear into a mysterious fog, and become a reason the old forest north of town is considered haunted.
They say you should dress for the job you want, but I've been dressing like a gently mad Victorian widow who lives in a haunted mansion on the moors for years now, and I've yet to receive a single offer of gainful employment.
January 2, 2026 at 8:01 PM
They say you should dress for the job you want, but I've been dressing like a gently mad Victorian widow who lives in a haunted mansion on the moors for years now, and I've yet to receive a single offer of gainful employment.
Reposted by Edmonds Scanner
Relaxation tips:
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Let your brain go quiet.
Let your atoms float away on the soft evening breeze and become one with a sinister fog that creeps forever across the misty moors.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Let your brain go quiet.
Let your atoms float away on the soft evening breeze and become one with a sinister fog that creeps forever across the misty moors.
December 12, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Relaxation tips:
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Let your brain go quiet.
Let your atoms float away on the soft evening breeze and become one with a sinister fog that creeps forever across the misty moors.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Let your brain go quiet.
Let your atoms float away on the soft evening breeze and become one with a sinister fog that creeps forever across the misty moors.
Your daily fortune:
Today you will have a 50/50 chance of having an awesome day, or turning into a giant mushroom. Good luck.
Today you will have a 50/50 chance of having an awesome day, or turning into a giant mushroom. Good luck.
January 2, 2026 at 5:02 PM
Your daily fortune:
Today you will have a 50/50 chance of having an awesome day, or turning into a giant mushroom. Good luck.
Today you will have a 50/50 chance of having an awesome day, or turning into a giant mushroom. Good luck.