Julie Lavender Menace
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
🔵Banger skeet writer
🔵Top 10 blood donor in Pannonica County
🔵Saving souls, one homeless orphan kitten at a time.
I'm not Lisa. My name is Julie 🏳️⚧️. she/her
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaabsfrnzo2wy
🔵Top 10 blood donor in Pannonica County
🔵Saving souls, one homeless orphan kitten at a time.
I'm not Lisa. My name is Julie 🏳️⚧️. she/her
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaabsfrnzo2wy
Pinned
Now, a message from Rev. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof:
Vodka Shot Thanksbingo 7p to floor. Come for some stuffed vodka, fried vodka, and mashed vodka with vodka gravy! Don't forget the cranberry vodka. Spend the day with us. Tell the family you're out feeding the homeless. God bless.
Vodka Shot Thanksbingo 7p to floor. Come for some stuffed vodka, fried vodka, and mashed vodka with vodka gravy! Don't forget the cranberry vodka. Spend the day with us. Tell the family you're out feeding the homeless. God bless.
We threw handfuls of lice at the bride and groom because we thought that's what they wanted.
December 3, 2025 at 8:44 PM
We threw handfuls of lice at the bride and groom because we thought that's what they wanted.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
Eating a grilled cheese sandwich with my hairy hobbit feet.
December 3, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Eating a grilled cheese sandwich with my hairy hobbit feet.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
I thought three-bean casserole was a recipe and not a warning. I added a fourth bean. Oh, my blasphemy, my hubris! Dear lord, forgive me. I have unleashed the Balrog. They are called Legion for they are many. The Outer Gods and The Old Ones roam the earth. Oh cursed bean!
December 3, 2025 at 8:11 PM
I thought three-bean casserole was a recipe and not a warning. I added a fourth bean. Oh, my blasphemy, my hubris! Dear lord, forgive me. I have unleashed the Balrog. They are called Legion for they are many. The Outer Gods and The Old Ones roam the earth. Oh cursed bean!
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
a medical show where i can’t get a win: losER
December 2, 2025 at 5:45 AM
a medical show where i can’t get a win: losER
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
i’m so uncool i’ve had my thermostat at 67 degrees and my boys haven’t said a word
December 3, 2025 at 3:49 PM
i’m so uncool i’ve had my thermostat at 67 degrees and my boys haven’t said a word
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
i killed this post
please respawn
please respawn
December 3, 2025 at 5:29 PM
i killed this post
please respawn
please respawn
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
anytime i stay up late shitposting another red bull gets its wings
December 3, 2025 at 12:34 AM
anytime i stay up late shitposting another red bull gets its wings
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
people can be pretty gullible like right now some of my friends think I'm logging off and going to bed
suckers
suckers
December 3, 2025 at 2:01 AM
people can be pretty gullible like right now some of my friends think I'm logging off and going to bed
suckers
suckers
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
*wife gets home while I'm eating dinner alone*
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
December 2, 2025 at 10:53 PM
*wife gets home while I'm eating dinner alone*
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Her: Did you feed the kids already?
Me: Not yet.
Wife: *crosses arms*
Me: Look, when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane, who do you put it on first? Hmm?
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
Drank so much coffee this morning, my dick went into stealth mode.
December 3, 2025 at 1:21 PM
Drank so much coffee this morning, my dick went into stealth mode.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
I still kiss my wife on the lips when she's sick because I hope that shit will kill me.
December 3, 2025 at 4:19 PM
I still kiss my wife on the lips when she's sick because I hope that shit will kill me.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
I always get sad around this time of year because I cannot continue wearing my favorite moss-covered hat without risking significant plant loss due to damaging frosts.
November 24, 2025 at 4:40 AM
I always get sad around this time of year because I cannot continue wearing my favorite moss-covered hat without risking significant plant loss due to damaging frosts.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
I want to mention the plot holes in my earlier post: Dr. Smiley, 1st introduced in Act 1, shows up in Act 3 with an entirely different backstory. Also, the penguin featured in the denouement could not have been driving the bus while it was also in the confessional with Fr. Theo across town. Sorry!
November 26, 2025 at 5:21 AM
I want to mention the plot holes in my earlier post: Dr. Smiley, 1st introduced in Act 1, shows up in Act 3 with an entirely different backstory. Also, the penguin featured in the denouement could not have been driving the bus while it was also in the confessional with Fr. Theo across town. Sorry!
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
One day it was our time, & we all shrank to a tiny size in our cars—too small to drive or escape the fatal sting of the bee trapped in each back window. In exiting the world we were given a small grace—a last drop of honey’s secretive flavor, the sun playing upon our brow as when we were children.
December 2, 2025 at 5:28 AM
One day it was our time, & we all shrank to a tiny size in our cars—too small to drive or escape the fatal sting of the bee trapped in each back window. In exiting the world we were given a small grace—a last drop of honey’s secretive flavor, the sun playing upon our brow as when we were children.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
wishing I could hang out with tippy toe in her tree today
November 29, 2025 at 1:24 PM
wishing I could hang out with tippy toe in her tree today
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
logging in for my fix of surface level connections
December 3, 2025 at 12:48 PM
logging in for my fix of surface level connections
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
ties you up and makes you listen to me sing karaoke
December 1, 2025 at 12:16 AM
ties you up and makes you listen to me sing karaoke
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
I’d let you park your car in my garage
December 2, 2025 at 12:31 PM
I’d let you park your car in my garage
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
of course I got advent calendars for my cats, I’m not a monster
December 3, 2025 at 12:52 PM
of course I got advent calendars for my cats, I’m not a monster
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
you know, there’s a lot of potential side effects I would risk in order to realize the benefit of a prescription medication, but I draw the line at hot dog fingers
November 23, 2025 at 10:00 PM
you know, there’s a lot of potential side effects I would risk in order to realize the benefit of a prescription medication, but I draw the line at hot dog fingers
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
No cognitive awareness with my dissonance today, thank you very much.
Barista: so...decaf?
Barista: so...decaf?
December 3, 2025 at 4:26 PM
No cognitive awareness with my dissonance today, thank you very much.
Barista: so...decaf?
Barista: so...decaf?
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
According to Spotify, I'm 26. Why aren't you writing that down in my chart?
My doctor: (shaking her head) Is that all you came in here for today?
Well, I've met my deductible, so...yeah. Wanna listen to my top songs?
My doctor: (shaking her head) Is that all you came in here for today?
Well, I've met my deductible, so...yeah. Wanna listen to my top songs?
December 3, 2025 at 5:00 PM
According to Spotify, I'm 26. Why aren't you writing that down in my chart?
My doctor: (shaking her head) Is that all you came in here for today?
Well, I've met my deductible, so...yeah. Wanna listen to my top songs?
My doctor: (shaking her head) Is that all you came in here for today?
Well, I've met my deductible, so...yeah. Wanna listen to my top songs?
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
When I start getting hungry it’s too late, just go on without me.
December 3, 2025 at 5:27 PM
When I start getting hungry it’s too late, just go on without me.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
I'm old enough now where I can fake old people sleep to avoid awkward situations.
December 1, 2025 at 12:50 PM
I'm old enough now where I can fake old people sleep to avoid awkward situations.
Reposted by Julie Lavender Menace
Me: I just want to sleep!
Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE!
Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.
Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE!
Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.
December 2, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Me: I just want to sleep!
Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE!
Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.
Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE!
Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.