@thededucers.bsky.social
*me confidently explaining the mess on the floor next to me at the gym
“Poop is just weakness leaving your body”
“Poop is just weakness leaving your body”
January 21, 2026 at 3:18 AM
*me confidently explaining the mess on the floor next to me at the gym
“Poop is just weakness leaving your body”
“Poop is just weakness leaving your body”
After blowing all his NBA money, Air Bud is now working for minimum wage
January 15, 2026 at 5:50 PM
After blowing all his NBA money, Air Bud is now working for minimum wage
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Hope you enjoy today's gaslighting!
January 15, 2026 at 5:40 PM
Hope you enjoy today's gaslighting!
Jesus was on to something when he came up with never ending breadsticks
January 15, 2026 at 4:28 PM
Jesus was on to something when he came up with never ending breadsticks
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I feel like I just saw pizza topped with salad but then I just kept scrolling bc no I didn’t
January 6, 2026 at 11:36 PM
I feel like I just saw pizza topped with salad but then I just kept scrolling bc no I didn’t
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I don’t know why Tolkien called a meeting of wizards “the white council” when “staff meeting” was right there.
December 13, 2025 at 4:27 PM
I don’t know why Tolkien called a meeting of wizards “the white council” when “staff meeting” was right there.
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Sesame Street never prepared me for any of this
January 8, 2026 at 11:45 AM
Sesame Street never prepared me for any of this
What kind of bullshit they got to say about me in here?
January 8, 2026 at 8:33 PM
What kind of bullshit they got to say about me in here?
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[after my first set as a stand-up comedian]
me: man, I can’t believe I died on stage tonight
St. Peter: I know, and to be honest your act was awful too
me: man, I can’t believe I died on stage tonight
St. Peter: I know, and to be honest your act was awful too
January 8, 2026 at 1:52 PM
[after my first set as a stand-up comedian]
me: man, I can’t believe I died on stage tonight
St. Peter: I know, and to be honest your act was awful too
me: man, I can’t believe I died on stage tonight
St. Peter: I know, and to be honest your act was awful too
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Yeah, like any of us are "popular with friends."
March 16, 2024 at 1:46 PM
Yeah, like any of us are "popular with friends."
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Between checking myself and wrecking myself, I keep pretty busy.
January 7, 2026 at 2:11 PM
Between checking myself and wrecking myself, I keep pretty busy.
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(amoeba suddenly becoming self-aware):
holy shit i'm an amoeba
holy shit i'm an amoeba
January 7, 2026 at 1:23 AM
(amoeba suddenly becoming self-aware):
holy shit i'm an amoeba
holy shit i'm an amoeba
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It looks like I just have to accept that the 'nudist lifestyle' is not one I'm built for.
At least that's what my fellow passengers are telling me.
At least that's what my fellow passengers are telling me.
January 7, 2026 at 1:53 PM
It looks like I just have to accept that the 'nudist lifestyle' is not one I'm built for.
At least that's what my fellow passengers are telling me.
At least that's what my fellow passengers are telling me.
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Them: what’s your retirement plan?
Me: you mean death?
Me: you mean death?
January 6, 2026 at 10:34 PM
Them: what’s your retirement plan?
Me: you mean death?
Me: you mean death?
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the ever-increasing energy crisis, brought to you by the never-ending pursuit of humanlike fuck robots
January 7, 2026 at 9:07 AM
the ever-increasing energy crisis, brought to you by the never-ending pursuit of humanlike fuck robots
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your TL is trash
*followed*
*followed*
January 7, 2026 at 5:13 PM
your TL is trash
*followed*
*followed*
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Sometimes all you can do is make the world 0.0000000000001% less awful by being a good person and it feels very meaningless but it’s also the only thing that really matters
January 7, 2026 at 7:49 PM
Sometimes all you can do is make the world 0.0000000000001% less awful by being a good person and it feels very meaningless but it’s also the only thing that really matters
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Always read the fine print.
December 31, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Always read the fine print.
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Praying for someone else's sins is the ultimate "I'd like to speak to the manager"
January 6, 2026 at 4:25 PM
Praying for someone else's sins is the ultimate "I'd like to speak to the manager"
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these are the horrors of our lives
January 7, 2026 at 8:09 PM
these are the horrors of our lives
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Not to get too controversial, but I believe the Grinch learned to love Christmas too much and evolved into what we now know as Michael Bublé.
December 19, 2024 at 7:25 PM
Not to get too controversial, but I believe the Grinch learned to love Christmas too much and evolved into what we now know as Michael Bublé.
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ok I’m ready to go home now 😊
January 1, 2026 at 8:06 AM
ok I’m ready to go home now 😊
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This yr I’m setting realistic goals:
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
December 31, 2025 at 12:03 PM
This yr I’m setting realistic goals:
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
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nah, I know who my people are, thanks
December 23, 2025 at 5:29 AM
nah, I know who my people are, thanks
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(Family hoping I will stick to my new years resolution to stop doing wacky stuff)
Me: (on Jan 2) Ok, so the prison bus rental guy will be here any minute with my prison bus...
Me: (on Jan 2) Ok, so the prison bus rental guy will be here any minute with my prison bus...
January 2, 2025 at 1:32 PM
(Family hoping I will stick to my new years resolution to stop doing wacky stuff)
Me: (on Jan 2) Ok, so the prison bus rental guy will be here any minute with my prison bus...
Me: (on Jan 2) Ok, so the prison bus rental guy will be here any minute with my prison bus...