Stewie Tea
@stewiecoffee.bsky.social
Fat skinny man-child 🇬🇧 🇺🇲
My Skeets are here 👇
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2ctkzdlbkl5tkz3o4wa6d4fr/feed/aaagaf6qeqoqm
🌍 Cambridge - England
My Skeets are here 👇
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2ctkzdlbkl5tkz3o4wa6d4fr/feed/aaagaf6qeqoqm
🌍 Cambridge - England
Pinned
Stewie Tea
@stewiecoffee.bsky.social
· Dec 17
I made some delicious soup with my Grandma today.
The rest of my family are pissed, because apparently you're supposed to scatter the ashes.
The rest of my family are pissed, because apparently you're supposed to scatter the ashes.
Reposted by Stewie Tea
When you're a child, you want to be a teenager.
When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult.
When you're an adult, you want to be a Roomba: wandering around aimlessly, bumping into stuff, taking naps when you’re overwhelmed, and everyone’s just impressed you tried.
When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult.
When you're an adult, you want to be a Roomba: wandering around aimlessly, bumping into stuff, taking naps when you’re overwhelmed, and everyone’s just impressed you tried.
November 11, 2025 at 7:56 AM
When you're a child, you want to be a teenager.
When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult.
When you're an adult, you want to be a Roomba: wandering around aimlessly, bumping into stuff, taking naps when you’re overwhelmed, and everyone’s just impressed you tried.
When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult.
When you're an adult, you want to be a Roomba: wandering around aimlessly, bumping into stuff, taking naps when you’re overwhelmed, and everyone’s just impressed you tried.
Therapy was a blast again! Halloween special 🦋🖤🧡
November 1, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Therapy was a blast again! Halloween special 🦋🖤🧡
Reposted by Stewie Tea
One day you’re doing blow off a Requiem for a dream dvd case, then you blink and find yourself pruning tomatoes and identifying bird calls
October 22, 2025 at 10:42 PM
One day you’re doing blow off a Requiem for a dream dvd case, then you blink and find yourself pruning tomatoes and identifying bird calls
Reposted by Stewie Tea
Bit bored. I might pop out to let off some fireworks. Then I’ll start a post on my local Facebook page accusing my neighbour.
That’ll teach her for judging my overflowing recycling bin.
I like wine, Karen, deal with it.
That’ll teach her for judging my overflowing recycling bin.
I like wine, Karen, deal with it.
October 20, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Bit bored. I might pop out to let off some fireworks. Then I’ll start a post on my local Facebook page accusing my neighbour.
That’ll teach her for judging my overflowing recycling bin.
I like wine, Karen, deal with it.
That’ll teach her for judging my overflowing recycling bin.
I like wine, Karen, deal with it.
Reposted by Stewie Tea
It must be hard for people born with six fingers, knowing that AI now has everyone believing that they’re not real.
October 19, 2025 at 9:10 PM
It must be hard for people born with six fingers, knowing that AI now has everyone believing that they’re not real.
My local cemetery does pick your own Halloween decorations
October 18, 2025 at 3:05 AM
My local cemetery does pick your own Halloween decorations
Reposted by Stewie Tea
today a patient said, "another doctor told me I have the bones of a 35 year old." and I said, "well, you should probably give them back."
Can I celebrate Father's Day now?
Can I celebrate Father's Day now?
October 14, 2025 at 12:02 AM
today a patient said, "another doctor told me I have the bones of a 35 year old." and I said, "well, you should probably give them back."
Can I celebrate Father's Day now?
Can I celebrate Father's Day now?
Reposted by Stewie Tea
RIGHT NOW SATAN
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s
October 13, 2025 at 1:02 AM
RIGHT NOW SATAN
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s
Reposted by Stewie Tea
I just felt a small, but genuine thrill when noticing we’d finally finished the awful lemon-scented hand soap in the kitchen, and it had been replaced with my favorite cherry blossom soap. It would seem that I have a favorite hand soap. Such is the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.
October 12, 2025 at 2:25 PM
I just felt a small, but genuine thrill when noticing we’d finally finished the awful lemon-scented hand soap in the kitchen, and it had been replaced with my favorite cherry blossom soap. It would seem that I have a favorite hand soap. Such is the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.
Reposted by Stewie Tea
Cocaine so white it gentrifies a whole country
October 10, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Cocaine so white it gentrifies a whole country
Reposted by Stewie Tea
This is why they don't let me sit near the emergency doors now
October 10, 2025 at 6:35 PM
This is why they don't let me sit near the emergency doors now
Reposted by Stewie Tea
I shot a Halloween porn. It’s called Night of the Giving Head
October 9, 2025 at 12:06 PM
I shot a Halloween porn. It’s called Night of the Giving Head
Reposted by Stewie Tea
I'm going to get my septum pierced so conservative men stay the fuck away from me
October 5, 2025 at 1:29 PM
I'm going to get my septum pierced so conservative men stay the fuck away from me
Reposted by Stewie Tea
Carrot sticks are just noisy spoons for ranch dressing.
October 4, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Carrot sticks are just noisy spoons for ranch dressing.
Reposted by Stewie Tea
Okay, sure “distracted driving” but this vagina isn’t gonna finger itself.
October 1, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Okay, sure “distracted driving” but this vagina isn’t gonna finger itself.
Reposted by Stewie Tea
I violated the hole in my Swiss cheese with a pickle.
I’d do it again.
I’d do it again.
October 3, 2025 at 10:24 PM
I violated the hole in my Swiss cheese with a pickle.
I’d do it again.
I’d do it again.
Reposted by Stewie Tea
Captain Mittens was stumped. How would she ask for permission to take off?
October 3, 2025 at 11:55 AM
Captain Mittens was stumped. How would she ask for permission to take off?
Reposted by Stewie Tea
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:
-it’s ok to not be someone’s type, it doesn’t diminish your value
-you can be friends with people you don’t want to fuck
-you can be friends with people who don’t want to fuck you
-it’s ok to not be someone’s type, it doesn’t diminish your value
-you can be friends with people you don’t want to fuck
-you can be friends with people who don’t want to fuck you
October 3, 2025 at 12:21 AM
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:
-it’s ok to not be someone’s type, it doesn’t diminish your value
-you can be friends with people you don’t want to fuck
-you can be friends with people who don’t want to fuck you
-it’s ok to not be someone’s type, it doesn’t diminish your value
-you can be friends with people you don’t want to fuck
-you can be friends with people who don’t want to fuck you
Reposted by Stewie Tea
Reposted by Stewie Tea
Killer: Drink this cyanide.
Me: But Halloween is just a few weeks away!
Killer: *sigh* Drink this pumpkin spice cyanide
Me: But Halloween is just a few weeks away!
Killer: *sigh* Drink this pumpkin spice cyanide
September 29, 2025 at 5:07 AM
Killer: Drink this cyanide.
Me: But Halloween is just a few weeks away!
Killer: *sigh* Drink this pumpkin spice cyanide
Me: But Halloween is just a few weeks away!
Killer: *sigh* Drink this pumpkin spice cyanide
Reposted by Stewie Tea
the tranquility of a sunday afternoon, a breeze gently rustling through the trees, birds chirping, the odd cars driving past that resemble the sound of ocean waves and in the distance, a solitary man roaring at the panthers game on tv like he's being operated on minus the anaesthesia
September 28, 2025 at 7:01 AM
the tranquility of a sunday afternoon, a breeze gently rustling through the trees, birds chirping, the odd cars driving past that resemble the sound of ocean waves and in the distance, a solitary man roaring at the panthers game on tv like he's being operated on minus the anaesthesia
Age yourself with a film you saw in the cinema as a kid.
September 28, 2025 at 10:13 AM
Age yourself with a film you saw in the cinema as a kid.