John Cougar Melonfarmer
@shinyfailure.bsky.social
America’s Most Trusted Fart Source
Pinned
But Doctor, *I* am Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
The only powerful public figure who ever actually defunded the Police was Sting.
January 14, 2026 at 10:27 PM
The only powerful public figure who ever actually defunded the Police was Sting.
We all should have been way more suspicious when they named it “Department of *Homeland* Security”. Straight up sounds like Nazi shit.
January 15, 2026 at 7:01 PM
We all should have been way more suspicious when they named it “Department of *Homeland* Security”. Straight up sounds like Nazi shit.
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Lord of the Rings (any of the movies, not including the Hobbit in this)
Grapes of Wrath
Twin Peaks
Speaking in Tongues by Talking Heads
Garfield (ironically and unironically)
Ocarina of Time and/or Breath of the Wild
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Lord of the Rings (any of the movies, not including the Hobbit in this)
Grapes of Wrath
Twin Peaks
Speaking in Tongues by Talking Heads
Garfield (ironically and unironically)
Ocarina of Time and/or Breath of the Wild
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Hausu
The Haunting of Hill House
Dark Shadows
Unknown Pleasures
Calvin & Hobbes
Assassin’s Creed: Origins
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Hausu
The Haunting of Hill House
Dark Shadows
Unknown Pleasures
Calvin & Hobbes
Assassin’s Creed: Origins
January 13, 2026 at 5:12 AM
Introduce yourself with 1:
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Movie
Book
TV Show
Album
Comic
Game
Robocop
Perdido Street Station
Severance
Paul’s Boutique
Watchmen
Diablo 4
Bit on the nose, innit
January 12, 2026 at 6:38 PM
Bit on the nose, innit
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
stepped outside for a vibe check and saw a beast fuckin hauling ass towards Bethlehem
January 12, 2026 at 4:31 AM
stepped outside for a vibe check and saw a beast fuckin hauling ass towards Bethlehem
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
Really, ChatGPT is just giving you a luxury experience that is normally only accessible to the rich and powerful -- the experience of filling your life with butt-kissing and sycophancy until you completely lose touch with reality.
January 7, 2026 at 11:01 PM
Really, ChatGPT is just giving you a luxury experience that is normally only accessible to the rich and powerful -- the experience of filling your life with butt-kissing and sycophancy until you completely lose touch with reality.
There’s a very real possibility that the Trump DOJ can’t get a conviction on Maduro because they’re laughably incompetent
January 5, 2026 at 9:28 PM
There’s a very real possibility that the Trump DOJ can’t get a conviction on Maduro because they’re laughably incompetent
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
living in this country is like being awake on the table
January 3, 2026 at 6:10 PM
living in this country is like being awake on the table
They’ve just skipped right past the whole “manufacturing consent” step
I feel like I haven’t even been properly lied to about the purposes of this war
January 3, 2026 at 3:56 PM
They’ve just skipped right past the whole “manufacturing consent” step
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
It’s absolutely crazy how awful X, or Twitter, is now. The Grok stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. I went over there for five minutes to do my banking and it was absolutely appalling.
January 3, 2026 at 3:22 AM
It’s absolutely crazy how awful X, or Twitter, is now. The Grok stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. I went over there for five minutes to do my banking and it was absolutely appalling.
Death to 2025
January 1, 2026 at 7:20 AM
Death to 2025
December 31, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
My new year's resolution this year, as every year, is to be a more available, supportive friend as well as an increasingly looming, formidable enemy.
December 27, 2025 at 5:13 PM
My new year's resolution this year, as every year, is to be a more available, supportive friend as well as an increasingly looming, formidable enemy.
Temu Waititi
December 29, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Temu Waititi
A wine bar named Quarkage Fee
You’ve just opened up a Star Trek Themed Restaurant.
What are you calling it?
What are you calling it?
ncc-1701-g is written on the side of a spaceship
ALT: ncc-1701-g is written on the side of a spaceship
media.tenor.com
December 28, 2025 at 3:30 AM
A wine bar named Quarkage Fee
We have not only created “food” from science that already Should Not Be but also they hate each other?
And we have a Pop Tarts mascot grilling Pop Tarts, must be tough to see in those things
December 28, 2025 at 2:40 AM
We have not only created “food” from science that already Should Not Be but also they hate each other?
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
Last day still better then 1 and ten chance to win.
Going to give away a chef’s knife for Christmas. To enter all you have to do is donate at least 10.00 dollars to www.toysfortots.org. When you do just reply to the post with Donated🎄. No child should be forgotten for Xmas.
December 24, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Last day still better then 1 and ten chance to win.
I made up my mind that my mother’s family is Scottish based on her 23andme, and that was before I heard the greatest song ever youtu.be/-YaHlR3jGFg
National Anthem: Scotland - Flower of Scotland (Constituent Country of the United Kingdom)
YouTube video by Ian Berwick
youtu.be
December 23, 2025 at 3:35 AM
I made up my mind that my mother’s family is Scottish based on her 23andme, and that was before I heard the greatest song ever youtu.be/-YaHlR3jGFg
I was just looking at the gift wrapping inserts in the latest copy of @theonion.com and our dog became very upset and started growling when I held up the pages. Zoomer ass dogs don’t even recognize print media anymore
December 23, 2025 at 3:19 AM
I was just looking at the gift wrapping inserts in the latest copy of @theonion.com and our dog became very upset and started growling when I held up the pages. Zoomer ass dogs don’t even recognize print media anymore
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
I hear that train a-comin’
It’s comin’ round the bend
But I don’t mind at all because
I’ve made a lot of friends
I’m stuck in Wholesome Prison
The guards are full of cheer
So that train can keep a-rollin’
I’m gonna stay right here
It’s comin’ round the bend
But I don’t mind at all because
I’ve made a lot of friends
I’m stuck in Wholesome Prison
The guards are full of cheer
So that train can keep a-rollin’
I’m gonna stay right here
December 21, 2025 at 12:26 AM
I hear that train a-comin’
It’s comin’ round the bend
But I don’t mind at all because
I’ve made a lot of friends
I’m stuck in Wholesome Prison
The guards are full of cheer
So that train can keep a-rollin’
I’m gonna stay right here
It’s comin’ round the bend
But I don’t mind at all because
I’ve made a lot of friends
I’m stuck in Wholesome Prison
The guards are full of cheer
So that train can keep a-rollin’
I’m gonna stay right here
“I lost my virginity to Jar Jar”
December 20, 2025 at 7:03 PM
“I lost my virginity to Jar Jar”
Jesus that’s a bad sign
December 20, 2025 at 4:25 AM
Jesus that’s a bad sign
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
"megachurches are shen yun for white people" is an incredible and damning true statement
for all people make fun of falun gong, it's wild how much this is basically the same thing as shen yun
December 19, 2025 at 11:08 PM
"megachurches are shen yun for white people" is an incredible and damning true statement
Reposted by John Cougar Melonfarmer
yea i got havana syndrome. havana fat ass
So did Havana Syndrome get sorted out?
December 19, 2025 at 4:59 PM
yea i got havana syndrome. havana fat ass