captain bleach
@blainecapatch.bsky.social
(enlarged to show texture)
(opens envelope) goddammit i'm the new quarterback for the New England Patriots
February 9, 2026 at 4:18 AM
(opens envelope) goddammit i'm the new quarterback for the New England Patriots
i am doing a thing on this show
This Saturday! Feb 7 @ 7pm.
Pop Cultured - The Game Show returns to The Legendary Icehouse in Pasadena!
Terrific lineup!
www.showclix.com/event/ice-ho...
Pop Cultured - The Game Show returns to The Legendary Icehouse in Pasadena!
Terrific lineup!
www.showclix.com/event/ice-ho...
February 7, 2026 at 7:59 PM
i am doing a thing on this show
a big FUCK YOU to Charles Dickens on his birthday for being an absolute piece of monster shit to his wife
February 7, 2026 at 3:41 PM
a big FUCK YOU to Charles Dickens on his birthday for being an absolute piece of monster shit to his wife
Hootie in the streets, Blowfish in the sheets
February 6, 2026 at 4:36 PM
Hootie in the streets, Blowfish in the sheets
quick get MAD TV back on the air so I can pitch Schlong Stung Blue
February 5, 2026 at 7:19 PM
quick get MAD TV back on the air so I can pitch Schlong Stung Blue
i'm stand-upping at the THROCKMORTON THEATRE in Mill Valley tomorrow night (Tuesday) if you're into that sort of thing
February 2, 2026 at 8:02 PM
i'm stand-upping at the THROCKMORTON THEATRE in Mill Valley tomorrow night (Tuesday) if you're into that sort of thing
we went to the Smoke House last night and everybody there looked like they were in the Billy Joel documentary
February 1, 2026 at 8:40 PM
we went to the Smoke House last night and everybody there looked like they were in the Billy Joel documentary
Chomsky was always a hack
"government is bad, corporations are bad"
hey no shit Dick Tracy
"government is bad, corporations are bad"
hey no shit Dick Tracy
January 31, 2026 at 5:29 PM
Chomsky was always a hack
"government is bad, corporations are bad"
hey no shit Dick Tracy
"government is bad, corporations are bad"
hey no shit Dick Tracy
Reposted by captain bleach
My roundabout Catherine O'Hara story. In 2000, I worked for HBO's Aspen Comedy Festival. We had some particularly great reunions/special events that year: SCTV, Smothers Brothers, a Jerry Lewis interview moderated by Martin Short. I watched from the wings, as did Catherine. You may have heard about
January 30, 2026 at 8:24 PM
My roundabout Catherine O'Hara story. In 2000, I worked for HBO's Aspen Comedy Festival. We had some particularly great reunions/special events that year: SCTV, Smothers Brothers, a Jerry Lewis interview moderated by Martin Short. I watched from the wings, as did Catherine. You may have heard about
i watched the Challenger explosion in the morning and drove down to an open mic at the Richmond Comedy Club that night, the owner got all the comics together before the show and said if anybody did a shuttle joke they would never work for her
the crowd was screaming for shuttle jokes
the crowd was screaming for shuttle jokes
January 28, 2026 at 6:55 PM
i watched the Challenger explosion in the morning and drove down to an open mic at the Richmond Comedy Club that night, the owner got all the comics together before the show and said if anybody did a shuttle joke they would never work for her
the crowd was screaming for shuttle jokes
the crowd was screaming for shuttle jokes
Reposted by captain bleach
Heartiest of heartfelt birthday wishes to @pattonoswalt.bsky.social today. Thinking back to the time he and @blainecapatch.bsky.social predicted our captalist dystopia way back in the '90s!
youtu.be/MzPpGDI3GRk
youtu.be/MzPpGDI3GRk
Small Doses - Robbery
YouTube video by AvrilFalls
youtu.be
January 27, 2026 at 11:35 PM
Heartiest of heartfelt birthday wishes to @pattonoswalt.bsky.social today. Thinking back to the time he and @blainecapatch.bsky.social predicted our captalist dystopia way back in the '90s!
youtu.be/MzPpGDI3GRk
youtu.be/MzPpGDI3GRk
you hear stories about Milton Berle's huge penis but you never hear about his wife's Saturn V Assembly Building of a vagina
January 27, 2026 at 5:33 PM
you hear stories about Milton Berle's huge penis but you never hear about his wife's Saturn V Assembly Building of a vagina
Reposted by captain bleach
hey lay off Bovino he's about to be enlarged and injected into a scientist
January 27, 2026 at 1:11 AM
hey lay off Bovino he's about to be enlarged and injected into a scientist
hey lay off Bovino he's being sued by Stuart Little for copyright infringement
January 27, 2026 at 1:06 AM
hey lay off Bovino he's being sued by Stuart Little for copyright infringement
hey lay off Bovino he's trying to avoid a chimp that keeps shoving a stick into his mound
January 27, 2026 at 1:03 AM
hey lay off Bovino he's trying to avoid a chimp that keeps shoving a stick into his mound
hey lay off Bovino a dog sneezed and blew him into a bowl of cereal
January 27, 2026 at 1:00 AM
hey lay off Bovino a dog sneezed and blew him into a bowl of cereal
working on some Bovino jokes, i'll try to keep them short
January 27, 2026 at 12:56 AM
working on some Bovino jokes, i'll try to keep them short
hey lay off Bovino he's fighting off a spider with a pencil
January 27, 2026 at 12:50 AM
hey lay off Bovino he's fighting off a spider with a pencil
Reposted by captain bleach
me: i had to have updog put down
you: what's updog
me (crying): my best friend
you: what's updog
me (crying): my best friend
July 7, 2023 at 8:08 PM
me: i had to have updog put down
you: what's updog
me (crying): my best friend
you: what's updog
me (crying): my best friend
quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Was That Thing On?
January 26, 2026 at 6:25 PM
quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Was That Thing On?
Reposted by captain bleach
GENIE: you have one wish left
ME: can i wish for more wishes
GENIE: no
ME: then i wish for a genie who can give me more wishes
ME: can i wish for more wishes
GENIE: no
ME: then i wish for a genie who can give me more wishes
January 24, 2026 at 3:29 AM
GENIE: you have one wish left
ME: can i wish for more wishes
GENIE: no
ME: then i wish for a genie who can give me more wishes
ME: can i wish for more wishes
GENIE: no
ME: then i wish for a genie who can give me more wishes
Reposted by captain bleach
cop: drop the gun and don't do anything funny
me (Borat voice): my wife
cop: okay now the gun
me (Borat voice): my wife
cop: okay now the gun
November 11, 2024 at 7:11 PM
cop: drop the gun and don't do anything funny
me (Borat voice): my wife
cop: okay now the gun
me (Borat voice): my wife
cop: okay now the gun
my neighbor's smoke detector is beeping three times every thirty seconds to let me know it's safe to keep writing
January 23, 2026 at 6:26 PM
my neighbor's smoke detector is beeping three times every thirty seconds to let me know it's safe to keep writing
the clock is ticking on this paper straw
January 23, 2026 at 6:02 PM
the clock is ticking on this paper straw