Billhelm
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kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
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Everytime I tune into current events I google how much a lobotomy costs
Reposted by Billhelm
studying english is too boring im gonna fall into an oxford coma
February 14, 2026 at 8:28 PM
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the existence of a jailbird implies the existence of a parole foul
February 14, 2026 at 6:09 PM
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There’s always that one drunk asshole yelling at the band to play Freebird.

Mom really loves that song.
February 14, 2026 at 4:06 PM
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if i was crushing on you, i would tell no one but there would be valentines
February 14, 2026 at 5:17 PM
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A Valentine’s Day haiku:

Roses may be red
But the goal of my poem
Is you in my bed
February 14, 2026 at 5:08 PM
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My wife and I have a little tradition. If I forget Valentines Day she gets to play Cupid with my compound bow and hunting arrows while I try to survive. So fun!
February 14, 2026 at 3:55 PM
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die hard is a valentines movie if you forget her favourite flowers
February 14, 2026 at 3:30 PM
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Her: tell me what turns you on

Me: rich people getting completely ruined, financially
February 13, 2026 at 8:53 PM
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i can help y'all you know, i'm something of a shitposter myself
February 13, 2026 at 9:17 PM
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Jerry Lee Lewis having great balls of fire makes me feel even worse for his teen cousin bride. I think this condition in women is called labias ablaze.
February 13, 2026 at 3:42 PM
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Coor’s Banquet Beer pairs perfectly with my microwave dinner. (Stouffers)
February 13, 2026 at 3:45 PM
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~ swinton is a great actor
February 13, 2026 at 4:53 PM
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its wild how combining tiny adorable crimes always produces a cat
February 13, 2026 at 5:39 PM
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great balls of fire was written after the first valentine’s day but blue balls was more popular a term
February 13, 2026 at 3:14 PM
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Therapist: I want to help you become a happier and more functional person

Every user here: but what will I post
February 13, 2026 at 1:29 PM
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couples who sit on the same side of the booth pls stop it's weirding the rest of us out
February 13, 2026 at 1:33 AM
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if an adult plays the trombone in the peanuts universe it sounds like words
February 13, 2026 at 12:20 AM
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unconstructive, negative, bad vibes: let's not beat around the bush

encouraging, positive, good vibes: way to beat that bush, king!
February 12, 2026 at 9:32 PM
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you have to feed your couch
crumbs or its going to rebel
February 12, 2026 at 8:05 PM
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sex is a social cunt struck
February 12, 2026 at 8:01 PM
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pessimist: the glass is half empty

optimist: the glass is half full

optometrist: the glasses will be $700
February 12, 2026 at 8:32 PM
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you can only pick one (choose wisely):

1. financial independence
2. balanced mental health
3. lifetime supply of corn dogs
February 12, 2026 at 6:51 PM
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Today we probably shouldn't mention ketchup or greg
February 12, 2026 at 1:22 PM
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no quicksifs, quicksands, or quicksbuts about it
February 12, 2026 at 6:27 PM
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if we used quicksand in hourglasses the weekend would be here already
February 12, 2026 at 5:49 PM