Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
Platinum 🏳️🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear.
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Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
· Nov 25
Contrary to its name, the Emperor Penguin holds no real power.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
Reposted by Billhelm
I'm tired of things costing money, I need things to cost cat hair
December 30, 2025 at 11:25 PM
I'm tired of things costing money, I need things to cost cat hair
Reposted by Billhelm
it's called "coca cola" because it used to be made out of real coal
December 30, 2025 at 11:00 PM
it's called "coca cola" because it used to be made out of real coal
Reposted by Billhelm
If cats don’t want to be held like babies then why baby sized
October 1, 2025 at 9:16 PM
If cats don’t want to be held like babies then why baby sized
Reposted by Billhelm
if I worked in a secret lab I wouldn't tell anyone but there would be science
December 19, 2025 at 7:24 PM
if I worked in a secret lab I wouldn't tell anyone but there would be science
Reposted by Billhelm
im so good at flipping out i should find work as a spatula
December 27, 2025 at 3:54 PM
im so good at flipping out i should find work as a spatula
Reposted by Billhelm
forming a coalition to stop hammer time
December 27, 2025 at 8:20 PM
forming a coalition to stop hammer time
Reposted by Billhelm
For Whom the Guy Replies
December 26, 2025 at 4:01 AM
For Whom the Guy Replies
Reposted by Billhelm
My wife is furious at our neighbor who sunbathes naked in her backyard.
Personally, I'm on the fence about it.
Personally, I'm on the fence about it.
February 26, 2025 at 11:04 PM
My wife is furious at our neighbor who sunbathes naked in her backyard.
Personally, I'm on the fence about it.
Personally, I'm on the fence about it.
Reposted by Billhelm
coffee isn’t enough i need to be jiggled about by one of those old timey weight loss machines
December 29, 2025 at 1:36 PM
coffee isn’t enough i need to be jiggled about by one of those old timey weight loss machines
Reposted by Billhelm
[being murdered]
murderer: *murdering*
Me: (realizing i won’t ever have to go back to work) thank you for this
murderer: *murdering*
Me: (realizing i won’t ever have to go back to work) thank you for this
December 29, 2025 at 7:21 PM
[being murdered]
murderer: *murdering*
Me: (realizing i won’t ever have to go back to work) thank you for this
murderer: *murdering*
Me: (realizing i won’t ever have to go back to work) thank you for this
Reposted by Billhelm
I don’t need to explain myself to you! And I can’t. I’m a mystery to us all
December 30, 2025 at 4:03 AM
I don’t need to explain myself to you! And I can’t. I’m a mystery to us all
Reposted by Billhelm
how many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?
December 28, 2025 at 12:49 AM
how many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?
Reposted by Billhelm
cumin is clearly the most horny spice
December 28, 2025 at 2:48 AM
cumin is clearly the most horny spice
Reposted by Billhelm
Just a yearly reminder to load up on laxatives on December 31st way before midnight.
So you're not taking old shit into the new year.
So you're not taking old shit into the new year.
December 29, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Just a yearly reminder to load up on laxatives on December 31st way before midnight.
So you're not taking old shit into the new year.
So you're not taking old shit into the new year.
Reposted by Billhelm
[watching a pro athlete drop a pass]
me: *eating spaghettios for dinner* “what a loser”
me: *eating spaghettios for dinner* “what a loser”
December 30, 2025 at 3:30 AM
[watching a pro athlete drop a pass]
me: *eating spaghettios for dinner* “what a loser”
me: *eating spaghettios for dinner* “what a loser”
Reposted by Billhelm
a spinoff called Perfect Stranger Things
December 29, 2025 at 4:24 AM
a spinoff called Perfect Stranger Things
Reposted by Billhelm
[nicolas cage voice]
we’re going to fuck the frozen corpse of walt disney
we’re going to fuck the frozen corpse of walt disney
December 30, 2025 at 4:42 PM
[nicolas cage voice]
we’re going to fuck the frozen corpse of walt disney
we’re going to fuck the frozen corpse of walt disney
Reposted by Billhelm
why does my cat give ‘as long as you live under my roof’ energy
December 30, 2025 at 7:50 PM
why does my cat give ‘as long as you live under my roof’ energy
Reposted by Billhelm
why yes, yes that IS a burrito in my pocket...
...but I'm also happy to see you
...but I'm also happy to see you
December 30, 2025 at 8:27 PM
why yes, yes that IS a burrito in my pocket...
...but I'm also happy to see you
...but I'm also happy to see you
Reposted by Billhelm
time to take my not annoying pills so I’m not annoying today
December 30, 2025 at 4:11 PM
time to take my not annoying pills so I’m not annoying today
Reposted by Billhelm
I hope this email never finds you. If it does, you might feel inclined to respond, and I don’t want that.
December 30, 2025 at 4:29 AM
I hope this email never finds you. If it does, you might feel inclined to respond, and I don’t want that.
Reposted by Billhelm
goodnight bsky, i hope you all have vivid sex dreams about your crushes
December 30, 2025 at 5:32 AM
goodnight bsky, i hope you all have vivid sex dreams about your crushes
Reposted by Billhelm
I made a joke about God and lost followers but God makes fun of us everyday
December 30, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I made a joke about God and lost followers but God makes fun of us everyday
Reposted by Billhelm
a horrible year is ending. it is now time for a horrible year.
December 30, 2025 at 3:28 PM
a horrible year is ending. it is now time for a horrible year.