Jester D
@justmeturtle.bsky.social
I write dumb jokes and I cannot lie.
Lo and behold, here is a link to prove it:
(Even if you don’t click the link I am happy I got to say Lo and behold)
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:csulujwx5w4dopyiqe3fhka4/feed/aaajw6vp7g4dw
Lo and behold, here is a link to prove it:
(Even if you don’t click the link I am happy I got to say Lo and behold)
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:csulujwx5w4dopyiqe3fhka4/feed/aaajw6vp7g4dw
Pinned
Jester D
@justmeturtle.bsky.social
· Jan 12
We are all just 37 trillion eukaryotic cells stacked in a trench coat.
The phone rings, in the middle of the night.
My father yells: Why can’t your boyfriend text, like a normal person?
Reason number 38 why I never wrote a hit song, for Cyndi Lauper.
My father yells: Why can’t your boyfriend text, like a normal person?
Reason number 38 why I never wrote a hit song, for Cyndi Lauper.
November 22, 2025 at 8:08 AM
The phone rings, in the middle of the night.
My father yells: Why can’t your boyfriend text, like a normal person?
Reason number 38 why I never wrote a hit song, for Cyndi Lauper.
My father yells: Why can’t your boyfriend text, like a normal person?
Reason number 38 why I never wrote a hit song, for Cyndi Lauper.
Drinking vodka and thinkin’ bout that time The Barden Bellas performed an original song.
November 22, 2025 at 7:05 AM
Drinking vodka and thinkin’ bout that time The Barden Bellas performed an original song.
Strongmen who are abusive towards people who are powerless to fight back are weak men.
Re: Quiet, piggy
Re: Quiet, piggy
November 21, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Strongmen who are abusive towards people who are powerless to fight back are weak men.
Re: Quiet, piggy
Re: Quiet, piggy
War is peace.
Ignorance is strength.
$8.99 for a loaf of bread is affordability.
Ignorance is strength.
$8.99 for a loaf of bread is affordability.
November 7, 2025 at 3:46 PM
War is peace.
Ignorance is strength.
$8.99 for a loaf of bread is affordability.
Ignorance is strength.
$8.99 for a loaf of bread is affordability.
Reposted by Jester D
Um, phrasing!
September 13, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Um, phrasing!
Reposted by Jester D
My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like:
“Be kind to others, Evil Lisa.”
“Be kind to others, Evil Lisa.”
November 26, 2024 at 3:59 AM
My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like:
“Be kind to others, Evil Lisa.”
“Be kind to others, Evil Lisa.”
Reposted by Jester D
Love means never being allowed to say you’ve heard that thing she told you that you just told her.
February 13, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Love means never being allowed to say you’ve heard that thing she told you that you just told her.
Thoughts and prayers, and I’m off to the ball game, maybe they’ll even play YMCA.
September 13, 2025 at 6:13 PM
Thoughts and prayers, and I’m off to the ball game, maybe they’ll even play YMCA.
Reposted by Jester D
Pharmaceutical companies vastly overestimate how much I operate heavy machinery.
September 13, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Pharmaceutical companies vastly overestimate how much I operate heavy machinery.
Reposted by Jester D
No, the prairie dog was not performing Hamlet. He just really likes carrying around a skull.
September 13, 2025 at 3:56 PM
No, the prairie dog was not performing Hamlet. He just really likes carrying around a skull.
Reposted by Jester D
This is nothing that an intermural softball league can’t fix
September 13, 2025 at 6:03 PM
This is nothing that an intermural softball league can’t fix
Reposted by Jester D
Everything that happened last night came back to Phillip all at once. He was now pretty sure he knew just exactly what he’d do for a Klondike Bar, and he really hoped there weren’t any pictures.
September 13, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Everything that happened last night came back to Phillip all at once. He was now pretty sure he knew just exactly what he’d do for a Klondike Bar, and he really hoped there weren’t any pictures.
That feeling when: You’re recording nothing but vodka shots in the dinner section of your calorie tracking app.
September 13, 2025 at 1:24 AM
That feeling when: You’re recording nothing but vodka shots in the dinner section of your calorie tracking app.
I just did my most favorite thing ever, turn off my alarm for the week cause I’m on vacation!
August 4, 2025 at 12:20 AM
I just did my most favorite thing ever, turn off my alarm for the week cause I’m on vacation!
Reposted by Jester D
There’s just something in the air today. It’s probably microplastics.
August 2, 2025 at 1:41 PM
There’s just something in the air today. It’s probably microplastics.
Reposted by Jester D
I noticed you didn’t RSVP to my dog’s baby shower.
August 2, 2025 at 5:59 AM
I noticed you didn’t RSVP to my dog’s baby shower.
Reposted by Jester D
Don't make your partner feel silly for sharing their interests or hobbies with you. Make them feel seen. Have them create a detailed spreadsheet of their current hyperfixation complete with photos, names, and known aliases for every Labubu known to man so that you may obsess together- as a team.
August 2, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Don't make your partner feel silly for sharing their interests or hobbies with you. Make them feel seen. Have them create a detailed spreadsheet of their current hyperfixation complete with photos, names, and known aliases for every Labubu known to man so that you may obsess together- as a team.
Reposted by Jester D
We’re all going to die because we can’t stop burning fossil fuels and putting dinosaur ghosts in the atmosphere where they taunt God for not including them in the Bible
August 2, 2025 at 12:57 PM
We’re all going to die because we can’t stop burning fossil fuels and putting dinosaur ghosts in the atmosphere where they taunt God for not including them in the Bible
Reposted by Jester D
Being peer‑pressured into laziness by my cats and I’m not fighting it.
August 2, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Being peer‑pressured into laziness by my cats and I’m not fighting it.
Listening to Ozzy this wonderful Friday evening, which always makes me reminisce about my big sister Rachel. She died (fuck cancer) back in 2017, just 53 years old. Ozzy/Rachel memories are good memories though cause she got a badass stereo system in her teens (my tweens) and introduced me.
July 26, 2025 at 2:20 AM
Listening to Ozzy this wonderful Friday evening, which always makes me reminisce about my big sister Rachel. She died (fuck cancer) back in 2017, just 53 years old. Ozzy/Rachel memories are good memories though cause she got a badass stereo system in her teens (my tweens) and introduced me.
I feel like people would stop living in Metropolis when they’re told to evacuate every other week due to ultra destructive super hero/villain activities.
July 23, 2025 at 2:35 PM
I feel like people would stop living in Metropolis when they’re told to evacuate every other week due to ultra destructive super hero/villain activities.
Adding to the national debt IS a tax, a tax deferred but a tax nonetheless.
July 1, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Adding to the national debt IS a tax, a tax deferred but a tax nonetheless.
Reposted by Jester D
Going outside but shaking my head the whole time so people know I don’t agree with what’s going on
November 6, 2024 at 8:07 AM
Going outside but shaking my head the whole time so people know I don’t agree with what’s going on
Reposted by Jester D
Person: So, how would you describe yourself?
Me: Verbally, I guess.
Me: Verbally, I guess.
October 19, 2024 at 6:00 PM
Person: So, how would you describe yourself?
Me: Verbally, I guess.
Me: Verbally, I guess.